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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Male Orgasm = Female Orgasm

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Author Topic: Male Orgasm = Female Orgasm
TheFlash
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I'm a guy and I know what an orgasm feels like. They are not always the same intensity, but I know what one feels like and there's no way I would not know. My first time I was masturbating (I think I was 13) just because it was feeling good and I was surprised (and a bit scared) because it was so strong and I didn't expect it.

Now I read posts from females that they are not sure if they have an orgasm or not. It made me wonder if males and females feel roughly the same thing when they have an orgasm?

I know everyone is different, but is there a general difference because I can't imagine having one and not knowing. Just wondering because it seems so strange someone could miss it.

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jennifer0246
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I think it would be very hard to say whether male and female orgasms feel the same - it's unlikely that anyone has experienced both, after all! Because sensation is experienced differently by everyone, and because we all explain what we feel differently, this may well remain one of the great mysteries of the world.

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TheFlash
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I think it is true we can never know if one person feels the same thing as another. I also think everyone is different in that I would guess some women always know when they had an orgasm. However, I wonder if there is some way to measure the response you feel, like with a brain scan or some other types of tests and if someone has done this. If so, did they measure the same types of responses for males and females? There is one easy way to tell if I have an orgasm, I release sperm. Women don't release an egg when they have an orgasm so that is one differece that makes it easy for me to tell and not so easy for a woman. But then again, can some men have an orgasm without ejaculating? Also, I have never see any posts from men asking if they had an orgasm but I have read posts from women, so seems like something else could be different on average.

I guess it doesn't really matter if there is an answer to this question. I just thought about it and thought it was an interesting question maybe no one ever thought about before. Yes, sometimes I wonder about strange things. [Smile]

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Heather
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Well, just so you understand one thing, ejaculation and orgasm ARE separate, so basing whether or not you've had an orgasm on if you've ejaculated isn't actually perfectly accurate.

So, just like women, men will know when they FEEL like they have had an orgasm, full-body, not by fluids. And a big part of the reason why we don't hear men asking if they have like women is really about that assumption.

Too, women who have experienced orgasm before? pretty much always know if they've had one or not thereafter. But because there are so many heterosexual (it really is usually only about stright women) women who have never had orgasm, especially when we're talking about younger women, AND because female orgasm is represented SO unrealistically in every type of media (caused by unrealistic stimulation, looking like every time every woman has an orgasm it's the best one ever, etc.), it's a double-whammy.

But, since you're curious and want to geek out on brain scan stuff with orgasm, there's a good deal of it out there, and it is interesting, so here's a little link roundup for you (bear in mind, there's often a big bias in some of this research, such as, as you'll see, a focus on women faking orgasm -- of little interest or relevance to women -- but there's still some good stuff out there):

• http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/4111360.stm
• http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/13.07/female.html
• http://mixingmemory.blogspot.com/2005/06/orgasm-in-brain-or-porn-for.html
• http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article535521.ece
• http://www.jneurosci.org/cgi/content/full/23/27/9185

[ 06-18-2007, 11:44 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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TheFlash
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Hi Heather,

So, I'm a bit confused, some of with what you wrote, some just because. Sorry this is so long...

I'm very sure I know what an orgasm feels like - and yes it is more than just releasing fluid but I don't know if I can describe it very well to someone else. I guess you just have to trust that I know what it feels like. For me ejaculating and orgasm always go together at the same time. I do notice that when I masturbate I ejaculate a little before I have an orgasm - maybe a second later - is this just me? Regardless, I have never had one without the other. I am not saying it's not possible. Are you saying some guys ejaculate without orgasm or orgasm without ejaculating or both?

It is also confusing to me what taking viagra does for men. I understand that it gives you an erection, but if that's all it does then why is it so popular? It sounds like it doesn't make you ejaculate so it doesn't seem helpful to someone trying to have kids but can't. It sounds like it doesn't give you an orgasm either. If so, why does it get all the media attention? If my penis didn't get hard while I had an orgasm, I can't see why I would care if it felt the same. I think I get an erection because I'm excited. I don't think I get excited because I have an erection. I often wake up with an erection even if I'm not thinking about sex and that's why I think it works the other way. I just don't get the interest in viagra type pills in the media.

You make it sound like when a woman has had an orgasm then she will know what it feels like? So if a woman is not sure, she most likely did not have an orgasm but something else?

Why do you say it is usually about straight women that don't know? This is very confusing. Do homo-, bi-, hetro- sexual women do something different when they masturbate? Or maybe you are saying less hetrosexual women masturbate than bi- or homo- sexual. Please explain?

You also mention "media" are you talking about pornography or all media? I never see sexual activity except in pornography, but then again I don't watch much of either TV or pornography so I may just be sheltered. Which leads to another thought, is there such a thing as "realistic pornography" so people like me can learn what real sex is actually like? I know I would be curious to see what it's actually like. I guess it probably doesn't exist since as I mentioned before, I think about strange things probably no one else is intersted in knowing.

Thanks for all the links. They were all very interesting except the last one I couldn't understand. It was too technical for me to understand.

Sorry again for being so long...

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Heather
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Oh, so many questions!

Let me take it from the top, then. [Smile]

Per men and orgasm and ejaculation: they really are separate events, which tend to happen -- when they both happen -- one right after the other (in whichever order, though most commonly, orgasm begins and then ejaculation follows), though they very much can feel as if they always happen together.

By all means, men can orgasm without ejaculation and ejaculate without orgasm. When, for instance, men orgasm from anal stimulus alone, that can often result in orgasm without ejaculation. Another example is with men who have multiple sexual activities in one session: it's relatively common for say, the second or third orgasm to be "dry." None of these things mean anything is wrong, simply that orgasm did and ejaculation did not occur in those instances.

Per Viagra. Well, for starters, understand the basics of capitalism and advertising, especially when it comes to preying on people's insecurities. Much in the same way the weight loss industry capitalizes on the fact that a majority of women think they need to lose weight, the male impotence industry makes a bundle by feeding on men's worries that if they can't achieve erection at any given time, there is something horribly wrong with them and they will lose face.

But understand, too, that Viagra is intended for older men who may be having ED because age or other issues (cardiovascular issues, diabetes, etc.) and so the way it operates DOES serve those men's needs, not because it equals orgasm or ejaculation, but because it creates erection. These are not generally issues young men as yourself have: this is an issue of age when it's not misrepresented, but even then, it still operates under the premise that sex is all about penises and erections.

If a woman is not sure if she's reaching orgasm, then she most likely isn't. If she never seems to know, she most likely has not had one. When I talk about straight women specifically, the reason why is that a majority of hetero male partners of those women often choose and/or expect kinds of sex that are often the least likely to result in orgasm for their female partners. Plus, straight women tend to be reared -- and rarely have it challenged, or are given opportunities to discover otherwise -- that the ideal for them would be to reach orgasm via vaginal penetration alone, even though that is the least likely route to such. Even some stright women with male partners who are saying quite clearly that intercourse needn't be the be-all-end-all, or even part of the sex they're having will sometimes just not believe it. And for those women -- and women of all hues, really -- even masturbation -- when not avoided because of shame or fear -- is seen as ideally being about vaginal entry. For a lot of women of all stripes, unlike men, orgasm isn't often learned solo first, pretty much entirely because masturbation for women is not only not encouraged like it is for men, it's still very much frowned upon, framed as deviant or desperate, the works. So.

When I say the media, I mean all media, and not just what is seen, biut also written about.

In terms of realistic pornography? Eh, not really. Certainly, there is some sexual media out there expressly intended to show certain sexual techniques and approaches, and they then aim for as realistic an approach as possible, but even then, how realistic things are tends to be muddled with per making something saleable: most people really don't want to pay moey to see realistic people having realistic sex -- on the net, that became pretty obvious with a lot of amateur, homespun pronography, because many of those performers have found that in order to make a living, they did have to adapt their appearance, partners and how they had sex to make it more "porny" than real.

Phew!

[ 06-18-2007, 04:56 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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snarky
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Oh wow, Heather! That first article you posted was really interesting. I especially loved this part:

"Cold feet
One thing that they found was putting the couples off the task was literally cold feet.
When they gave the couples socks to wear, about 80% of the couples were able to achieve orgasm compared with 50% previously in this staged environment."

I have a a question of my own, if you don't mind answering it [Smile]

- I think I experience orgasms when I masturbate in the shower. They're not mind-blowing or anything, but I know that it's happened because I feel satisfied. Can women orgasm without having contractions? Or are they just so small that I can't notice?

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TheFlash
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Hi Heather,

Thank you so much for all the patient answers to all the questions.

You cleared it up. Just a few comments.

I must be weird. I have checked this out. I definitely ejaculate and then orgasm. No question the orgasm is about a second behind.

If I masturbate alot, it just gets to the point where I lose interest and ability to stay erect, so I never tried to find out. I've never had anal sex. I'm straight so I'm not interested guys (or maybe more clearly, I've never found a guy I was interested in sexually), so if I wanted to try that I would need a toy to find out. Maybe that explains why I never had an orgasm without ejaculating.

Got it on the Viagra. I was confused. I would have thought they could save the money and just do something else (manual, oral) instead, so I just assumed it was because they couldn't enjoy sex themselves without it. Now maybe the companies will get smart and sell pills so you don't get an erection at the wrong time because that might be embarrasing too. [Smile]

I was never told one way or the other about masturbation being bad or good. That would seem like an odd thing for my parents to have said to me. That is so sad girls are told not to masturbate or worse, they are deviants. That is something I just don't think I will ever understand no matter how much I think about it. [Frown] Maybe if I ever have a girl, I'll tell her to masturbate as much as possible.

When I had a gf, I was probably bugging her asking her what she liked. All she would ever say was everything was fine. I don't think she lied, but I would have liked it better if she gave me more feedback than "it's fine".

Yup, I figured no one had realistic pornography made. Had to ask. The only time I've ever seen real sex was when I was very little and walked into my parents bedroom. I had no idea why the yelled at me that I couldn't get into bed with them until many years later. Oops. [Eek!]

Thanks again.

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