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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Opinions, views, thoughts on sex needed

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Author Topic: Opinions, views, thoughts on sex needed
alikatze
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Hello, I am a graduate student in a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner program in Chicago and I am writing a research paper this term on how teens view their sexuality. I was given permission to post here by the webmistress, Heather Corinna. What I am most interested in hearing is how teens feel about sex, what's most important to them, how do teens communicate with one another, what happens on a date, what feels good/what doesn't...

I am not looking for any one thing, I'd like to build a narrative that I can include in my paper. I am interested in this topic because there is a lack of teen voices in the academic literature on teen sex. Also, most of our sex ed curricula ignores what teens know/do/feel/think.

If anyone has other good suggestions for sources (other than Scarleteen) where teens discuss sexuality and their feelings about it, please let me know!

Many thanks!
Alikatze.

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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Heather
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(And if you need more takers, Ali, you can always bribe them with promises of amusing childhood tales of me I probably don't even remember myself at this point. [Smile] )

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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poserxmeetsxme
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I'm 14. I have had one boyfriend, but we didn't get that serious. Unfortunately, a lot of teens at my school are engaging in sexual activity. Some of them have even caught STI's. I have definitely thought about sex, but I have put my school work before any relationships, (which is why my ex and I broke it off after 4 months.) I feel that sex in teenagers is just a desperate attempt to be cool. Most of the time anyway. Also, why lose your virginity to someone that you'll probably never talk to again in a few months?

I hope helped, and if I offended anyone, I'm sorry.

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Heather
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(Let's do everyone a favor, and also keep this within the same guidelines/vibe we do with the rest of the boards, and ask everyone speak for themselves and their experiences, experiences they know about very intimately -- as in, something your best friend went though and told you about, safe to talk about; something you think is true for a big group of people you maybe know the teenest fraction of closely, not so much -- rather than widely generalizing about other teens when folks can speak for themselves, okay? Thanks!)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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alikatze
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quote:
Originally posted by Heather:
(And if you need more takers, Ali, you can always bribe them with promises of amusing childhood tales of me I probably don't even remember myself at this point. [Smile] )

Hee-hee, I'll have to think about something good for this one!! [Wink]

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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wobblyheadedjane
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Would you find not-quite teens anymore reminiscing about how they felt about sex as a teenager amiss? I'm 23 now, but I pretty vividly remember my first encounters with sex, how I felt about it, etc. and would be happy to share if it fits the scope of your research [Smile]

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Unlucky at cards; lucky at love.

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alikatze
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yes, wobblyhead, i'd be happy to hear about how you felt, etc. also, if you have any suggestions on how to get more respondents, please let me know! thanks! ;-) alikatze.

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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Gabrielle21
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I'm 20 now, so not a teen anymore, but I remember my teen years!
I lost my virginity at 14 yrs to my 1st serious boyfriend. It was brought on by guilt (if you love me you'll do it) and for a long time I felt ashamed for having given in so easily. Luckily, I found someone else (who, after many talks and cries, got me to the point where I could forgive my past and myself), and after a year of dating, we had sex. This was at 16 yrs of age, and I felt much more prepared and did not feel one ounce of guilt by having sex. It was the right time for me. I had had time to grow into my body and into my sexual self.

Hope this helps a bit?
If you need more information, please feel free to ask.

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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

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Dannie
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Im seventeen and currently in my second sexual relationship. My boyfriend and i have been together for slightly over 3 months and have just begun having sex. My first time was a nightmmare compared to this, We were both unprepared emotionally, and I physically, I regret that encounter and all of the relationship after that, it was messy and heart breaking, but now I know I am loved completely and i love him totally and things couldn't be better. he and i both agreed that we were ready together, and we're very open about things, and i mean about every thing. I kind of see sex as a right for people who really are in love, i've seen so many girls(i won't call them friends because of my main friends i'm the only one having sex) but i've seen girls have their hearts broken after they've been with a guy 'physically' for only a few months. I think teens need to better judge their readiness and to take greater caution(myself included, and i live by these words...my boyfriend and i talked about it for over a month before we were both ready). I also see that peer pressure only effects (majorly) certain groups of teens, my close friends aren't having sex with their boyfriends, most of them are against sex before marraige, but i stand against that and we respect each other.
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alikatze
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Thank you, Gabrielle21 & Dannie, for sharing with me. I do have more questions for you -- I gather both of you felt a little (a lot?) unprepared to have sex the first time that you did -- when you think back on it, what would have helped you to feel more prepared? Did you feel like you just didn't know enough about sex, about your own body, about love, all of the above? Also, where do you think you learned the most about sex -- parents, school, friends, TV, movies...?

Thanks again!!! Your input helps so much!
[Smile] -Alikatze

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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Alatariel
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I'm 18, and I first had sex last year (at 17) with my first boyfriend. We did it for several reasons, some of which I am not very proud of now that I look back. We decided to have sex because we had been sexually active for a while and it seemed to be the "next logical step" because I thought that he loved me, because I loved him because I wanted to lose my virginity to someone who I cared for, because all of my other friends in relationships had done it already and I wanted to know what it was like, because it seemed so wonderful in all of the romance novels I had read, and because his parents were gone for the weekend. I ended up feeling hurt and regretful about my decision, mostly because of a lack of communication about both of our feelings, which led to the relationship ending. As per my beliefs about sex, I believe that there is nothing wrong with two people having sex or being sexually active, as long as they are both ready, consenting, safe and legal. As per where I learned the most bout sex from, I'd have to say here on Scarleteen and from my friends.

[ 02-26-2007, 01:37 PM: Message edited by: Alatariel ]

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Heather
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Hey Ali: here's a thread relevant to what I think you're looking for, just FYI: http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/000731.html

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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SassyKay88
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Hi, I'm 18 and I started having sex last year at about 3 months into the relationship. He is my 5th boyfriend and we are still together today a year and a bit later. I've known alot of my friends started having sex with their first boyfriends. Im glad i waited untill my 5th. I had fooled around with previous bfs but it never got to sex but when i found him it just felt right. I think it was because by that time i knew what i liked and what i didnt and he was everything that i liked. I feel like sex strengthened our relationship and that it was something that felt good and we could experience together. I didnt do it because i felt pressured or because thats just what you are supposed to do.

Also, a lot of my friends didnt tell their parents that they were sexually active and spent much of their time trying to hide it from them. I told my parents and asked my mom to come to the doctor with me to get BC. I feel like it was a huge wieght lifted off my shoulders because unlike some of my friends i did not have to worry about getting caught.

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curiosity13
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Well, I'm 19 and am sexually active. I've had two serious relationships. The first one started when I was 17 and lasted almost a year and a half. My boyfriend was the first person I'd ever kissed. Although we talked about having intercourse, and even tried a couple times, I just wasn't ready. I was really worried about pregnancy, and the pain I felt the times we tried was a COMPLETE turn-off.

My situation now is completely different. My current boyfriend and I started fooling around before we were a couple. I felt like I was ready for sex and I wasn't as worried about the pregnancy issues. He was really supportive about the fact that my previous experiences with intercourse had been pretty awful (in terms of pain and awkwardness), and we worked through everything together. I feel like it really brought us closer together.

I don't think it was my ex-boyfriend's fault that my experiences with him were bad, but I definitely think that my boyfriend now had a much better approach to everything. I'm so much more lighthearted with him. Sex isn't something serious to 'get right'(like it sort of was with my ex). Its something that we do to enjoy ourselves and be close. For me, it was really about finding someone that I really mesh with and love.

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alikatze
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Cool, thank you everyone for sharing with me. If you don't mind, I'd like to get an idea of some more positive aspects of your developing sexuality -- what do you like best about your sexuality? Is sex fun? Also, how did you come to sex -- had you done some reading and exploring first? If so, what did you read, what did you do (exploring)? Was your partner more experienced/less than you? Was that a good/bad thing? Where did you learn the most about sex from?

Thanks again! All replies are welcome! [Smile]

-Alikatze.

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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curiosity13
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Well, when I started becoming sexually active, I was really worried about being safe (I've always been really scared about getting pregnant or getting an STD/STI). That's actually how I found this site.

When it came to the physical doing of things, I was really worried that I was going to do something 'wrong.' My first boyfriend was much more experienced then me (as I mentioned before, I was COMPLETELY inexperienced), and I was stressed out that he would be comparing me to other people.

I realized that I was just really insecure for no reason. He was supportive and helped me get over being afraid. The first time I had sexual intercourse was kind of a similar situation, except that my boyfriend now has pretty much the same amount of experience as I do. He let me know that I could do everything at my own pace, since I had a lot of issues with pain at the beginning.

I guess I learned about sex through general media, sex scenes in films, books etc. But I didn't really try to emulate anything I saw when I started having sex.

Now, I really enjoy sex. I love feeling so close to my boyfriend. I also love that he enjoys it. Its just generally a good thing in my life!

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Beach Girl
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My first time was with my first serious boyfriend. We had been together for 8 months and I was 15 at the time. I had some doubts about being too young and about feeling like sex was something I "should" do, but it did make sense in the context of our relationship. I did not regret my first time, because I was in a caring, positive relationship. I went on the pill in advance, and we used condoms as well. I didn't feel it made sense for me to have a first time experience like many of my friends did, where the first time was a one-night stand triggered by alcohol and pressure, and often unprotected. My first boyfriend and I ended up being together for almost 4 years.

I am now 18 and in my second sexual relationship. We first had sex only a couple weeks after getting together. It has also been a very positive experience.

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NervousFreak
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I'm 19
The first time I had sex was with my first serious boyfriend, when I was 16. We had been together for around a month, but I had met him through work a couple years before that. Anyways we were both virgins, so there was no experience issues, which I think made it a lot easier knowing I wasn't being compared to anyone else. However, I went to a Catholic school, where as he went to a public school, so his sex ed was a lot more . . . well more. so he still knew stuff that I didn't.

I had done absolutely no reading or anything before hand, I remember being pretty unprepared. Thankfully he has a lot more self control than I do; we had to stop to go buy condoms just before because we didn't have one. I remember it being somewhat of a let down, my only friend who had had sex, admittedly embellished her story, so I was expecting something mind-blowing. I spent hours wondering why intercourse got so much build up when oral sex is just as good, if not better (for me anyways), and there's no pregnancy risk.

I probably learned most of what I know about sex from my Scarleteen, but I just found this place a couple of months ago, so I was pretty lost three years ago. Back then when I first became sexually active most of what I 'knew' I got from the media, I was embarrassed about being interested in sex. My parents never really had a sex talk with me, so I was completely lost as to what was normal. I was convinced that girls don't masturbate, and that I was weird.

This is turning into an essay, so I'll just end it with a note on my sexuality now. When I first started having sex, I was really embarrassed about everything. Now on the other hand, I am really comfortable in my own skin, I dance naked to my mp3 player every morning, and I'm not at all afraid to tell my boyfriend what feels good. I enjoy sex a whole heck of a lot more than that first time, and I'm with that same guy from three years ago. I know that it was definitely a healthy addition to our relationship and to my life.

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?

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Erica Anne
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I lost my virginity when I was 16 to my 2nd serious boyfriend who was 17 at the time. We had been together for 7 months. We both felt ready and it was overall a good experience. I had spent months prior to this researching and found that Scarleteen provided me with all the answers I wanted. I didn't trust the "knowledge" of my peers and needed the truth. The knowledge made my boyfriend and I more confident and safe, with a sense of control of the situation. Neither of us wanted to dive right in unprepared and vulnerable to mistakes we would regret. I was a little more experienced but not by much. Both of us were exploring and willing to teach and learn. I'm 17 and my boyfriend is 18 and we're still together and enjoying sex.

I feel totally comfortable having sex with him because I know that he respects me, he is always there for me, he is my best friend.

With everything I've picked up from Scarleteen, I try to be there for my friends because it seems that no one has provided us with the information that we all should have. It's a shame that we are sheltered from this incredibly useful info, when it should be stuff that everbody should know. I cringe when I hear misinformation being spread and I never hesitate to step up and correct it.

I enjoy my sexuality. I enjoy being aware of, having control of, and being proud of my body. I enjoy the connection with my boyfriend and its symbolic nature. I enjoy how I'm in a relationship that doesn't rely on sex to stay alive, sex is just supplementary.

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Gabrielle21
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I think that just waiting a bit longer until I got used to my grown body would have helped a lot! Also, my reasons for having sex with the 1st boyfriend were not positive ones, so the guilt just get piling up, which really inhibts a person from enjoying the experience. I was also dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts, so I wasn't myself. I think that the sex was a cry for a help. Luckily, I healed myself, and now I enjoy a healthy and amazing sex life with a wonderful man!

I mostly learned about sex through school (the whole anatomy, baby-making process) and the rest was from late night movies, and listening in on my older brothers' conversations. I learnt A LOT about sex from eavsdropping! My mother talked about sex too, but mostly about protection from pregnancy and STDs, definatly no tips on knowing when one was "ready" for sex. (She just found out about my being sexually active this past year)

I also started doing research on the internet and at Chapter's to find out more about the emotional and loving aspects of sex, not just the mechanical forms. This is how I fell upon the Scarleteen website! In a few short months I have found out sooo much information, it's insane!

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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

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Yasmin
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So, I've been sexually active for about five months. I've only been with one guy. I'm almost sixteen. We first had sex after being together for eight months, and I have no regrets at all. I was ready, I was happy, and I was (and still am) in love.

I was very comfortable at the time because my boyfriend never pressured me. He would ask me from time to time if I felt I was ready, and it took a few months until I felt I was, and he was okay with it. (He was a virgin, too.)

I think that sex is a physical expression of the way you feel about the person you are having it with. I could never imagine having sex with someone I didn't know, trust, and love. I don't think that sex is an integral part of a relationship, but just something to bring you guys closer and to become more intimate with each other.

My mom still doesn't know that I'm not a virgin anymore. I feel awful for not telling her, but I haven't because I know how she will probably react. She has very firm beliefs that sex should be saved for marriage (although she had me, and she was never married), and I know that if I tell her, she will take it very hard. She hasn't been that open with me about sex. She told me where babies come from, but what I know about sex largely comes from sex-ed classes in school, and the Internet, not to mention my own personal experiences.

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alikatze
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Wow; these are awesome narratives! Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone! What you have shared with me will help a lot with my paper -- I find it interesting how many of you say you learned sex stuff from the media, some of the academic research I've read says that the media is very low on the list, after things like parents, peers, school, church (?!!).

Please, keep sharing!! Also, any men out there have an opinion to share?

One comment: I am SO happy to see that there are a number of you who are having really fulfilling sex lives, where desire, pleasure and self-exploration are *good* things. Yay!!!

[Wink] -Alikatze

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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Heather
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(Might also, when doing the paper, bear in mind that the sample here is likely a bit skewed when it comes to the media as a source of sex ed since you're getting responses from people online in a sexuality community, and thus obviously, a population already using media.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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In Love With My Baby
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I'm now 16 nd I had my first time about 4-5 months ago when I was 15...It was a really stupid two-night stand but wierdly enough, I dont regret it....At first it didnt feel good but then I got into it...He used a condom so I didnt freak out as bad...Ever since then, im more in touch with my sexuality. I wish I could have been confident enough to try some different stuff the second time....I was totally ready but wish I would have waited for a different guy who respected me enough to not call me a loose slut after I told him to stop harrassing me....but All in All it was ok
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Ladygirl18
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My first time was also my boyfriend's first time. I was 18 and he was 19 and we'd been dating (mostly long distance) for a little over a year. It was mine, actually both of ours first sexual relationship, so obviously we took things really slow. I was really nervous at first because he was older and I knew that he had had a serious girlfriend before me (though it turns out he didn't do anything with her), so it took me a while and a lot of talks to learn to say no. I guess I was under the impression that since he was in college and I was back in high school he would find other girls to do things with him if I wouldn't. I really underestimated him! He has been nothing but caring and patient with me despite my issues. And luckily I have definitely grown out of the wanting to do things to please him stage. I think that now that we have started having sex I have really discovered my own sexuality and I am the initiator in the relationship, which I suppose is kind of the reverse of what you would expect. We have always been completely open, honest, and communicative about our sexual feelings and desires (even about our kinky fantasies [Wink] ) which has made our relationship an amazing environment to explore our sexualities in. I don't know if any of that is what you were looking for but I hope I helped! Good luck on your paper!

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"We all have wants and needs and desires, strange as they may seem. If you stop to think about it, we're all pretty creative, cooking up all these fantasies. It's like a kind of poetry."

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stupidbf
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I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to share, but he began whining and went to play videogames. Sorry, I tried to get you a guy's view.

I had sex for the first time when I was 18 in my freshman year of college. It was with my first boyfriend, who at the time was only my best friend for about a year. He helped me through quite a few tough times and was always there for me. All of our friends considered us boyfriend and girlfriend, but I never really admitted being in a committed relationship until after we actually had sex. Before him, I never kissed a boy and if I remember correctly, we didn't have a "good" kiss until after we dry humped a few times. His hands usually made their way below my waist but always through clothes until my best female friend convinced me to just go for it. I ended up realizing I trust him completly and that was a major part in sex, atleast for me. Other than his persistence to geel down below, I was also the person to make the first move in everything. He respected me and always asked if I was sure, if things were okay, and waited for me to nudge him any further. We talked about having vaginal sex after making out, mutual masterbation, and manual. It was so awkard! We were both virgins and I ended up practically giving directions to him step by step and then gave up and took control of the situation. Of course it was over soon, me actually finishing before him and then getting dressed and getting on the computer while he finished alone. After a lot of practice, now it's much better. We're both more open about sex, I'm slowly getting him to talk to me about it, try new things, get him to express what he wants, and just having better sex altogether.

To backtrack, I never had a boyfriend in highschool. I never saw the point in dating for a few weeks and then breaking up. Maybe my parents were just overprotective, maybe I was scared of being turned down, was shy, and awkard, or maybe I really just wasn't into it. I can't really be able to say. I did hear about people having sex in high school and never understood why people would do it. Senior year I was being noticed by guys (I must have blossomed) and couldn't deal with an relationship, not too mention having sex for the first time.

When I got my period my mom told me about sex. Vaguely. "The boy parts go...your girl parts...don't do it unless you're ready...when you're older..." I ended up learning about sex off the internet, mainly Scarleteen, Solotouch, and AdultFanFiction (not the best place, I know, but very creative). Maybe my lack of understanding sex kept me from doing it. I'm actually beginning to wonder all these things now. My favorite article on Scarleteen was about the girl's first time and how it wasn't all fireworks. It realy prepared me for my first time, giving me a positive attitude about a realistic possiblity.

I hope that helps. Btw, I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 21 now, and we've been together for 2 years (we count the time as best friends because we realized we were both committed to each other and I was in denial for THE LONGEST TIME). We're also planning on the big M-word a few years after graduation.

On another side note, I keep wanting to experience relationships, both sexual and non-sexual, with other guys. But why should I drop a good thing if it's working?

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Surferchk07
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Alright so Im 17 years old (18 in a month) and im going to give you two view points on the sex ive been thru one is with men and one is with women (I was bisexual for along time, now im a lesbian)

My first sexual expierence with a man was my first real Boyfriend. We had been dating since i was 11 (What an 11 year old would consider dating, you know hanging out and thats about it haha) I had been in an abusive situation before him with my father verbally/physically and then i had been raped when i was 8 from another neighbhor boy so all these probably come into play with my descisions. When I was 13 my mom started to go thru the divorce from hell and during that time I felt that I needed someone, Just someone to love me. And he was there. So having the house to our selves for about 10 hours a day while my mom worked he would come over and we would make out and that was about it. But he started to beg me to have sex say things like "Babe comeon i have a rubber why not I love you" You know all that stuff that I would never listen to now but at 13 and in a hard time in my life i listened to. eventually I gave in and we had sex. I had seen lots of different style movies about sex ed and sexual intercourse so I knew kinda how it was suppose to be but he wouldnt listen to me at all so in about 5 minutes he had come and i was left there going "could you like help me out some" ofcourse that wasnt going to happen. That was my sex life tell I was 14 and moved away every month or so thats what would happen. Great sexual relationship right then. But he was there and I needed someone so i cant complain.

Then at 16 I moved up here to Seattle and met this guy who I dated for a year in about 4 months we had sex because honestly I wanted it and I pushed it for it this time. Sex was lets just say not as bad but he could never come, no matter how hard I tryed to help him out in multiple different ways he could never come so he woud get upset about it and then it would end. 30 minutes worth of sex and it would end with neither one of us satisfied, even after i tried to do everything i could to help him out. so yeah that happened for a year and just it was never what I imagined sex to be.

Then I met this girl who I dated for only a month when i was 17 basically the first night we had sex it was just one of those things where it happened and the sex was everything i imagined sex to be like. It was intense and it wasnt just a one person show we both gave equal affection and equal work and we both made sure we felt good.
After I had sex with a woman I dont think I could ever go back to men it made me realise how much I never have really been attracted to guys physically or even emotionally. When im with a woman it is unlike anything ive ever felt before, The attraction is there physically and emotionally and in bed we are one were not just one person doing it all and one person just laying there thinking this is horrible.

Hm anyway thats all the writing for now... if you have any other questions feel free to ask.

-Elizabeth

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ethernetcable
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Well I lost my virginity today. I'm 14 years old, and my boyfriend is 18 and was also a virgin. Many people would pass judgements on our relationship based on the age difference but I beg to differ. I've known him for 6 months, we've been dating for 3 of those months although I don't feel time in this case is a reliable indicator because it just doesn't really equate the feelings and bond exchanged within them. When we first begun dating, he had zero sexual experience but I have been sexually active (besides intercourse) with a previous boyfriend. I did attempt to have sex with my ex boyfriend but I was completely not ready at the time which was just aswell because I would have regretted it deeply.

My boyfriend and I had been attempting to have sex for a few weeks but experienced a few problems like him losing his full erection. Today we finally managed it and well it was...uncomfortable lol. I mean the physical discomfort, the act itself was done with ease, and I'm pleased to have shared it with him. I just hope the next times are more enjoyable for me, physically. He seemed to really enjoy it though lol but I reach climax through fingering yet the discomfort of sex put all thoughts of being able to achieve orgasm out of my head! I remember when he first got it as in as it would go, it started to gradually slide in and out with more ease and I thought to myself "is this it?" the pain diminished gradually but discomfort was still present, it wasnt physically fulfilling.

I felt totally comfortable engaging in sex with him because I know it is meaningful expression, we love and trust each other and are ready to take our relationship onto that next level. We used the correct protection (I'm on the pill and we used condoms).

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Heather
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Unfortunately, we can't get too in-depth with you about this because we can't encourage our users (or have the appearance of doing so) per illegal activity, and you're under the age of consent in your area.

But what we CAN say is that a) it's normal for erections to come and go, and for them to not always step up to the plate. Too, a majority don't orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone period, even in the most ideal of scenarios. Most women reach orgasm from either other kinds of stimuls (like manual sex, as you're describing for you) or via combining intercourse with those other activities.

And that "Is this it?" happens alot. The vaginal canal by itself isn't rich with nerve endings the way the clitoris is, especially once you're past the first couple inches. Yet, intercourse is all built-up per cultural ideas/roles, so it's unsurprising to expect something different than the reality, especially if all you're doing is intercourse.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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DemeterA
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I am 16. I have been dating my BF for 2 years and 3 months and we only recently had sex. December of '06. We waited till we were ready, and till we knew we were safe and protected. I don't regret it and we are very happy together. I think sexuality is a good think if you know how to control it.
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alikatze
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Hi, again! I'm going to throw out another question (or two) at everyone....

So, a lot of people have talked about their "first times," or when they first became sexually active. I'd like to go a little, erm, deeper here [Wink] -- that is, how do you define your sexuality? Not your sexual identity, per se, but what does sex mean to you? What is pleasure for you? Do you have a "mind's-eye" view of your sexuality? Is it clear? Vague? Scary? Exciting? Please share more! I'm really getting some great feedback!

Thanks!
Alikatze

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RN, Women's Health Nurse Practitioner-in progress

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Gabrielle21
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My sexuality is quite clear, I am heterosexual. But, I do occasionnaly have dreams of sex with other women. I enjoy these dreams but would never act on them since I don't seem to find women sexually attractive when I am awake. It's a nocturnal experience only for me!
I absolutely enjoy my sexuality! I love having sex with my boyfriend. It brings us closer together and deepens our bond, which is an amazing feeling. It's always so exciting to "find" each other again after a week (during my periode, there is no sex since I'm off the pill for that time). Sex can be different though, depending on our moods. At times it's all loving and caring and sweet, and other times it's nocturnal madness! It's amazing how moods can affect the type of sex...

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A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

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Naive Melody
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quote:
Originally posted by alikatze:
..how do you define your sexuality? Not your sexual identity, per se, but what does sex mean to you? What is pleasure for you? Do you have a "mind's-eye" view of your sexuality? Is it clear? Vague? Scary? Exciting?

I lost my virginity 3 or 4 months ago and the relationship just ended because I never achieved orgasm and that intimidated his sexual performance. We're 20 & 21, at university in Britain.

My understanding of sex changes daily. Ideally, it should equate to loving intimacy, but sex can range between anything from sexual release to emotional dependence. My sexuality is fixed but my understanding and exploration of it is gradual and very very personal. Sexual pleasure is first selfish, but ultimately it can only be truly gratifying if you're of a mutual mind to your partner, i.e. you trust and care as much for the other person as you do for yourself. I don't see myself having sex again now until I love and trust my partner not to give up at hurdles.

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OnceOnABlueMoon
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Ali, are you still digging for narratives?

I just turned 21 this month. Sexuality for me has been a slow journey. I've only had 2 boyfriends, one in high school one in my first year of college and ongoing until now. My first boyfriend was actually afraid of sex because of an experience he had with seeing his mother raped as a child. Being in this relationship frustrated me so much. After it ended I was emotionally abused, with low self-esteem because he pretty much hardly touched me. Sexuality is, apparently a BIG part of me in a relationship, even tho I have NOT yet had "true" sex. More and more I'm proud of myself for this. Reading everyone else's experiences has made me so thankful that my boyfriend and I, although VERY sexual, haven't pushed things as far as vaginal intercourse. So because I can't tell you about "first times" I can define my sexuality for you.

I desperately wanted my first boyfriend, but emotionally he could not get over his past negative experience. As a result I found myself as time went on more and more drawn to my current b/f because I saw him as this forbidden sexual fruit. I imagined him as selfish sexually, but when we hooked up, and he gave me my first french kiss, it wasn't long before I realized he was far, FAR from my closed-minded misconception. He is the gentlest, sweetest man, and I could never have imagined his patience, his understanding. In over a year of dating he has never pressured me to have vaginal sex because he understands my virginity is important to me, and he has reservations about "taking" it from me because it will be painful.

I learned about sex from everywhere, friends, family, media. But all of it I would say could be thrown away. Actually learning with and from my boyfriend has been the real way to learn. Growing more and more comfortable, step-by-step. I can't imagine having done it any other way.

The slow journey we've made thrills me. I would call it "exhilirating" in one word. I believe that nearly anything that gives pleasure can be thought of as "sex." From kissing to oral. One thing I have to say I have always disagreed with strongly is "casual sex." Casual sex degrades our society's views of sex, I think. The idea that sex should be tossed around carelessly between two people who barely know each other and only care about their own needs...we have a way to deal with that, it's called masturbation. I believe sex should be held to higher standards than it is within our society, because when it's done by 2 people who care deeply about one another it's a beautiful, sacred thing.

That's my 2 cents. =-)

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