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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Does sex get old?

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Author Topic: Does sex get old?
BrowniesRock
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Hey everybody,

I should start by saying that I haven't had sex yet, but am considering doing it with my boyfriend of 10 months. I love him very much, and we plan on staying together for a very long time. (I'm 16, he's 17).

Recently, I was talking to a guy friend about the pros and cons of having sex. One of his more thought-provoking arguments against it was that since we planned to be with each other for a long time, if we had sex now it would simply "get old" after awhile. He compared it to married couples who eventually do not have sex very often, and said that the same thing would happen to me and my partner within a few years if we remained together.

I kind of found this hard to believe. I thought that there would always be new ways to spice things up, like new positions, etc. But the marriage comparison made me think about it.

Can a relationship ever reach a point where sex just becomes mundane, where there is nothing new to try and no ways to keep a sex life alive? If I remain with the same person for a long time, would having sex now cause my sex life to deteriorate and be nonexistant by the time I'm 20?

Anyone's opinions would be awesome.

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"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
- Henry David Thoreau

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JamsessionVT
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I think it can, but I don't think it has to. Like you mentioned, there are plenty of ways to spice up a sex life.

I think it all depends on the individuals. There are some married couples who lead very active sex lives, and some who prefer not to. It's a personal choice, and doesn't necessarily suggest that sex is boring or mundane. So I think your friend is making a pretty big generalization there.

By all means, do not let this stop you from having this experience with your partner if you want it. I wouldn't take your friends words too seriously: usually when sex falls through, it is more of a lack of compatibility, communication problems, etc, and not so much just because you've been together for a long time.

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Abbie
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Surferchk07
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Im sure it can and I know people whos relationships DO indeed get old. But that is because they are not trying new things. Like you said there are tons of positions out there, and other items you can use to make it more spicy. Plus tons of different places you can have sex at/in.


quote:
By all means, do not let this stop you from having this experience with your partner if you want it. I wouldn't take your friends words too seriously: usually when sex falls through, it is more of a lack of compatibility, communication problems, etc, and not so much just because you've been together for a long time.

Now that is just right on....When sex is bad its normally not your fault or that you are bad in bed or he is bad in bed...its normally always compatibility, communication, all of that.

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Elizabeth

"Peace is not the absence of war; it is a virtue; a state of mind; a disposition for benevolence; confidence; and justice." -Spinoza

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Julia1041
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That's a pretty good question. I think it all depends on who you're with or what circumstances you're under. I'm sure when you're stressed out and tired, or you're with someone whom you aren't particularily attracted to, it might seem to geet old.

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Love and hugs,
Julia

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listlesslise
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It might be worth mentioning, too, that if intercourse is getting a bit mundane, there are a plethora of other sexual activities you can try - oral sex, manual sex, heavy petting, even just plain ol' kissing, among tons of others) - that are often just as, or more satifying than sex alone. Don't forget that it's never necessary just to have vaginal-intercourse, and that as long as you are open to trying new things, you likely won't get bored for a long while.

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*~*Sorry for the inconvenience*~*

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summergoddess
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Sex can have it's up and downs, but i don't think it gets OLD. My guy and I have been together almost 6 years (and almost married for one) and we've been sexually active for nearly our entire relationship. Our sex has never gotten old. But we've had times where we're more active and other times that we are less active. It's honestly a personal and also a mutual choice of how you have sex and how often. It varies really.

I want to metnion though that the relationship itself on the other hand can get OLD. If people don't work at it together, it can decrease the stability of everything or finding that they don't have anything in common anymore.

Hope it makes sense and that I helped!

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~Jules

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Heather
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I think it's also worth noting that it's often not simply a matter of you add X new thing, try Y new position.

In other words, because people grow, so does intimacy between people when they nurture it. Because people change and evolve, so does what you bring to the sex that you're having.

So, even the same activities, over time -- when you're fostering communication, when you keep bringing all you learn about each other to the table, when you keep adding the other elements of your relationship that arise over time -- change and evolve and have new interesting things/aspects about them they might not have before. Too, often over time, as trust develops, sexual partners feel more comfortable being more vulnerable and doing things they might not at the start, or doing things in such a way as they might not at the start.

Mind: for some people the big thrill of sex is the newness, a certain kind of charge that is pretty specific to brand new sex or sex with a new or relatively new partner. And for folks like that (no judgment there, we all differ, and we all also evolve), sex might feel like it gets old with a partner over time. But for those folks, they're probably not investing lots of time in nurturing longer-term relationships because that just doesn't mesh with their wants, either. And for folks for whom that's been their only experience with sex, obviously it's going to seem like sex with the same partner "gets old."

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BrowniesRock
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Thank you guys so much for your helpful perspectives! I'm not worried about it getting old anymore. :-)

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"Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something."
- Henry David Thoreau

Posts: 23 | From: Michigan | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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