Around August of this year, my boyfriend of 3 yrs and I had sex for the first time. We were both virgins and it was a great experience. Relatively painless. It now being November, we've continued to have sex quite often and have virtually had no extreme problems, just trying to get it right. But the one thing we just can't seem to get right is my pleasure during sex.
Don't get me wrong, I love making love to my boyfriend, but I just don't seem to be feeling the same physical pleasure he is. I know that I'm not abnormal, trust me, I've researched this out the ying yang. I know the key to all this, since I prefer clitoral stimulation, is to find the appropriate positions to get that clitoral pleasure. I don't know if we're doing something wrong, but the whole "base of the penis is supposed to stimulate the clitoris" thing just hasn't worked.
Vaginal stimulation for me, like I read in one of the posts here, is ineffective. I feel a warm sensation through my entire body and the expected pressure when he enters me, along with the emotional satisfaction of the act of sex, but no physical OH MY GOD sensations through the WHOLE DANG THING. I've tried to masturbate during sex, masturbating in front of him doesn't bother either of us, but I'm not sure if it not working is due to him being in the way or something else.
I've talked to my boyfriend about the fact that I feel no physical pleasure during sex and I was extremely upset about it because on some occassions, it made me feel like a "insert word choice here." He said we'd talk about it and research it, but that has yet to happen.
Could anyone give me some insight on this? I would really appreciate it. My grandmother has told me that not feeling any pleasure during sex may impact my future intimate relationships if I end up not with my boyfriend. I really don't want that to happen and I don't want to end up not liking sex like several people that I know. Some help or just advice would be absolutely fantastic.
Thanks so much, k_leigh7692
Posts: 31 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Aug 2006
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I know the key to all this, since I prefer clitoral stimulation, is to find the appropriate positions to get that clitoral pleasure. I don't know if we're doing something wrong, but the whole "base of the penis is supposed to stimulate the clitoris" thing just hasn't worked.
Nope, you're not doing anything wrong.
Some women do find that a shift in position provides them with enough clitoral stimulation during intercourse, but some women find that's not enough. Different bodies work differently!
So direct stimulation from your fingers (or his) may be more effective (and it may take a bit of shifting around for that to work out).
Or you may find that trying to combine intercourse and other stimulation at the same time just doesn't work for you.
Honestly, despite what your grandmother says, not feeling ecstatic during intercourse isn't going to harm your relationships.
It simply means you need to shift your expectations, so that maybe you can have intercourse just for the "warm sensation" and emotional satisfaction, but look to other sexual activities to provide you with the most physical pleasure.
You don't always have to get exactly the same amount of pleasure from the same activity at the same time.
It's okay to mix activities which are more pleasurable for him and ones which are more pleasurable for you (and hopefully both of you can enjoy the emotional connection and the pleasure of your partner even when it's not doing so much for you directly).
-------------------- "Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002
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