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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Not what I expected

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Author Topic: Not what I expected
Thrower125
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I've been going out with my boyfriend for quite some time, and I've always had this idea what oral sex would be like. But when it actually came down to it, I didn't like it that much (recieving) only becuz I really couldn't feel any type of pleasure from it. I mean it felt alright, but other than that it just felt as if someone just had there tongue "down there". I was kinda disappointed becuz I hear so many of my girlfriends saying how good it is and how they like it better than intercourse. So it wasn't what I expected. So my question is, is there any way I can make it better for me pleasure wise instead of having it feel like someones jabbing me with their tongue?? Is there something wrong w/ me cuz receiving oral sex isn't that good for me? or is that just a "first timers" type of thing??

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Stick that in ur pipe and smoke it!

Posts: 51 | From: in da county | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kitka
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First off, there's nothing wrong with you at all. [Smile]

Sexual experiences are different for everyone - often VASTLY different. What your girlfriends say might apply to them, for good or for ill, but certainly doesn't have to apply for you.
They may be telling the truth... they might be exaggerating... who knows?

YOU get to enjoy sex on your own terms, when it feels right for YOU. You should never feel pressured to live up to someone else's expectations of what your sex life should feel like.

On the technical side of the house - first time sexual exploration (whether it's intercourse, masturbation, oral sex) can be pretty indecisive for a lot of people. That's ok... your body is being subjected to a smattering of different physical and emotional feelings. As your (sexual/emotional/intellectual) relationship with your boyfriend progresses, you'll find out what works for both of you. For a lot of people, they have to be in the right headspace to get the most out of sexual pleasure, when they're totally relaxed and caught up in the moment.
http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/sex_oral.html
http://www.scarleteen.com/sexuality/ftmemoir.html

These articles will help point you in the right direction, in terms of understanding what, if anything, to expect.

Why not discuss this with your boyfriend? Let him know what makes you feel good, whether it's masturbating beforehand, more foreplay, or something else, and have him incorporate that into your sexual activity.

[ 08-11-2006, 10:57 PM: Message edited by: kitka ]

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cool87
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Do you explore your own body through masturbation ? Because it's a great way to discover what you like, what types of things you like and then you can use that when you're with a partner ?

If you were concentrating to much on trying to feel a good sensation or on trying to orgasm that might have been why you werent able to feel pleasure. Also, were you scared, let's say of pregnancy. Because fear is also a big inhibitor of pleasure.

I'd say try to discover your own body first if you haven't through masturbation if you haven't yet.

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Thrower125
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Yeah I do explore my own body through masturbation very often. I wasn't scared at all, pregnancy didn't cross my mind at all. Even though it was my first time I seemed to have no fear and just went with the flow of things. Maybe I just expected too much out of it?? I have no idea, but it kinda just made me wonder if something was wrong with me since it didn't feel as good as I expected. I also have another question, do all guys orgasm when they recieve oral sex? Cuz when I was giving it to my boyfriend he told me that he never orgasms from oral sex. I always thought that all guys could orgasm from oral sex.

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Stick that in ur pipe and smoke it!

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JamsessionVT
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As karybu mentioned, sexual experiences are very different for everyone. This applies here too. Not all males orgasm from oral sex, just like not all females find oral sex pleasurable.

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Abbie
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ScarcelyHeard
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My first time with everything wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I felt very little pleasure the first time boyfriend tried oral sex on me. I left thinking, "Wow, that wasn't as good as others have put it out to be." The other night he tried again, for the first time in monthes, and it felt pretty amazing... I don't know why, it just did.

If it didn't feel right to you the first time, just don't become discouraged. Just give it some time... and a little bit of communication... and you'll get a real good idea of whether or not it's something you want to continue.

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cool87
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Sex with a partner is quite different that sex through masturbation alone. I guess even though you masturbate and resent pleasure from it, it won't necessarily be that way with a partner. So it might take time to get used to it just like it might get time to get used to having intercourse with a partner. At first, it might not feel pleasurable at all.

Of course, that lack pf pleasure can be because of things we have control over like a lack of lubrication, going too roughly, trying too much to have an orgasm but sometimes even when we have the best of intentions...

There's people who have to wait months before being able to resent pleasure during sex.

I guess you can try doing things that are pleasurable for you now. I'm sure there are other things.

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DydduKenm
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Let me tell you a very disturbing story.

The first time my ex went down on me, I felt the same way you did. He was down there trying to make me feel good, but i didnt at all. I was thinking about totally different things. He didnt know what he was going at all! THEN, to top it all of, he BIT me! Im not kidding either! God knows I wish i was. But he was totally lost on what to do.

My boyfriend now knows exactly what hes doin. I was REALLY afraid for like...the first five months of our relationship to let his mouth get any where close to down there. (can you blame me??? [Roll Eyes] ) But then when he started it was totally awesome. Now i really enjoy it.

But have to tried experimenting? Telling him what you like? Have a day when youre not exactly trying to get anywhere, just play around and see what feels nice to you! Im not saying hes bad or anything just that maybe there is something that feels really good to you that he hasnt discovered yet! [Wink]

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blissful_desire
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You are not alone. in the begining i use to think it felt weird. now i love it so much and its the only way my partner can bring me to orgasm. Be open with your boyfriend and let him know what feels good and what doesnt, have him try new things, let him know it really isnt working for you, just remember to be polite about it.

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so hold onto me pretty baby


-Lele <3

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Thrower125
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Thanks for the advice. I guess I just need to give it time. Cuz the way I masturbate is prolly way different than getting oral from my boyfriend. But can u get so used to one way of orgasming(from masturbation) than when you actually recieve it from someone else you can't orgasm becuz you are so used to having it done a certain way??

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Stick that in ur pipe and smoke it!

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apricat
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I just want to throw this out there: does he know where your clitoris is or that it exists? The first time my boyfriend went down on me, we was working my vaginal opening with his tongue, but that didn't feel good. Then I told him "up" and he said "up?...... oh!" and found the clitoris. Some boys just don't know how important the clit is.
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Trippy
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I was the same, I wasnt initially comfortable with it, and I wasnt bothered about recieving it, but after a few months I thought okay and let my boyfriend do it. Partly because everyone had been saying "Oh yeah its SO good, you should so try it!", well boy was I dissapointed! I mean, it was alright I suppose, but it wasnt incredible or anything.

Not everybody gets pleasure from the same things, so dont worry about it. Im sure you'll get something out of something else the two of you try =D

xxx

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cool87
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Tell you partner what you like, where you want to be touched. Maybe put his hands at the places where it feels good. He doesn't necessarily know those places. Those places differs from one women to another. Of course, there's the clitoris but we can't make to much generalizations here because some women do not like clitoris stimulation because it's too sensible for example. And there are a lot of other places that can feel pleasurable also, the labias for example which also contains nerve endings.

Tell him if there's a move you like, you don't like. Tell him what makes you feel good and what doesn't.

It's important to tell your partner what feels good for you and what doesn't. Otherwise, he won't know it and oral sex might not be ever pleasurable to you.

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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