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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » his penis won't fit!

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Author Topic: his penis won't fit!
BigGShawty90
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the other night me and my boyfriend tried to have sex. We had a lubricated condom, and it fit him right and he out it on right. But when he tried to put his penis in my vagina, it would not go in. He has fingered me with one finger. We tried a lot of times to get it in,but it wouldn't. A few times his penis would slip past my vagina opening when we were trying to put it in. what do we need to do? I wasn't nervous at all. I was relaxed and ok. could it have been the way i was positioned? i was standing up and he was trying to enter from behind me, but i my vagina. HELP!
Posts: 83 | From: plano,texas,us | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, first of all, you picked a really tricky position. That one's going to be difficult in the best of scenarios: think about the geometry, especially if you're not taller than your male partner. Especially if this was the first time you were trying to have intercourse: being able to see where one is going is helpful. Not standing up or trying to do acrobatics is helpful.

Too, if HIS erection wasn't entire, or was fading, at all, that makes a difference. As well, condoms generally do not have enough lubricant on them: one needs to often use extra lubricant, from a tube or bottle, with condoms.

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BigGShawty90
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so should i maybe try laying down on my back with my legs open?? and yes,his erection was going away, and then i would have to turn him on again and make it come back. Why was his erection going away? he said he wasn't nervous. I was really wet when we were trying because he just got done with giving me oral and fingered me after.
Posts: 83 | From: plano,texas,us | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You'll still want to use lubricant: saliva isn't generally adequate with condoms, and even natural lubrication sometimes isn't. That's also really vital per keeping condoms from breaking, too.

Per the erection, they come and they go often enough. If this was his first time having sex, or even just firt time having sex with you, there's going to be some degree of nervousness. he may have said he wasn't nervous, but his body may have felt nervous regardless. Even just fumbling around trying to make things work, when they aren't, is often bound to have an effect on a person's sexual arousal -- it probably had an effect on yours as well, it just wasn't as physically obvious. (Too, you do know it's not your "job" to keep an erection for a man, right? he can work on that himself, or you two can take a break for a bit, what have you. You don't have to snap to attention to take care of that for him.)

Per positioning, in all honesty, what you were doing was something one sees more in the movies than in real life. Since the vagina is curved up towards the belly inside your body, and the opening is of a distance from your backside that would make entry difficult for an average-penis-sized guy, given height differences and everything else -- not to mention flagging erection -- not a lot of real people are going to be enaging in that often or with particular success.

So, positions where you both have more direct access, where you both can better look at your genitals, see what you're doing, help each other feel out where what is are going to be generally better, yes.

And that's really as much as we can say on something like this: because of the age of our userbase and so forth, our guidelines make clear that sexual "technique" isn't something we can delve deeply into.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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BigGShawty90
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thank you so much, and one more question. Would it help if he fingered me with two or more fingers first? I dont kno, he tried to finger me with two before and it hurt soo badly!
Posts: 83 | From: plano,texas,us | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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You know, it's helpful to take all of this stuff gradually.

Sometimes, that's going to hurt because of HOW someone is doing it (poking with straight fingers, for instance, doesn't feel nice pretty much as a rule), sometimes it'll hurt because you're just not aroused enough, or unfamiliar with what you like enough, all by yourself. And doing so, again, without plenty of lube handy? Sometimes that's a big issue.

So, if you feel at all rushed, at all, it's always going to be a good idea to step back a bit, take things as slowly as you need to, make sure you and your partner are giving each other enough time to get to know each other's bodies and sexual responses over time, at a sound pace.

How are you with the things on this list, for instance: Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist -- including things like being able to TALK about what you like, in depth with your partner? To talk about getting and using lube, about pacing things?

How are you with things in this piece, too: Ten of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self (at any age)? And this one: Yield for Pleasure (or, why chilling out with intercourse can improve your sex life)?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About MeGet our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68235 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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