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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Hymen or perineum- I'm so confused and in pain!

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Author Topic: Hymen or perineum- I'm so confused and in pain!
xxxCandycornxXx
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OK, so me and my bf keep trying to have sex. I thought he broke my hymen last time but I had to stop cause I think that piece of skin between my vaginal opening and anus started ripping too and it hurt ALOT, it stung and bled a bit. We just ttried again and the same thing happened...I didnt think that it was supposed to break, but there's no way his penis is going to fit in there if it doesnt break or streach or something! I feel really bad, cause I want to have sex with him and I know he wants to, and I know he says its ok and that we dont need to have sex, but I know he wants to but I'm really scared of it hurting and I dont even know if that skin is supposed to break!

So basically, I looked at that "Pink parts" article again, and I think whats ripping is not the hymen but the perineum. Is it supposed to do that?? If not, what can I do???!!! Will it get infected? It *is* really close to my vagina and anus, and kinda bleeding [Frown] [Eek!]

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Heather
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NO. The perineum is NOT supposed to rip or tear.

If it is doing so, at all, you need to STOP what you're doing, period.

In order for his penis to fit, you need to be highly relaxed, highly AROUSED and very well-lubricated. THOSE things are what loosen the vaginal opening and canal. Nothing needs to be stretched.

One thing we suggest in the article about pain during intercourse is that you try having an orgasm FIRST, from whatever activity gets you there, just before having intercourse. It's a really simple (and enjoyable) way to tell if arousal is or is not an issue.

But if, in doing that, you are still feeling pain, stop: do not press on.

Are you also up-to-date with your annual GYN exam and STI screening? Have you taken care of that since the last time you posted about this issue? I'm betting not: it would REALLY be smarter to do THAT than to keep pressing at this.

[ 04-24-2006, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: Miz Scarlet ]

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xxxCandycornxXx
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could there be an STI or anything that causes a vagina to be less stretchy? O.o I didnt post about this before. That was something different, although your right, I probably should get an exam or something. I've never been to a gyno before since I've never needed to and I'm not entirely sure how to find one, especially if I wanted to go without my mother knowing. I hear all sorts of things about free clinics and stuff, but nothing about where they are locally and how to get there without a car XD I couild just go to my mom's Dr, since your supposed to get checked when ur 18 anyway, so I dont hafta be like "Hey mom! I'm having sex!"

But anyway... it really doesnt seem that stretchy.. I mean, even when I'm at home and relaxed and try to stretch it a little, I really cant. I dont understand how women have *babies* let alone sex!!

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Heather
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STIs and other genital infections can cause genital irrtation which make the skin much more tender and thus, less flexible.

This is one of several times you've posted about pain in this regard, so that is the smartest place to start, by making sure it isn't a health issue.

In New York State, especially if you're in NYC, you have LOADS of options per clinics you can go to. If you tell us what city/county you're in, we can give you a list.

And yep: you can also see your general doctor for a pelvic exam, pap smear and STI screening. Just be sure that's someone you can also be honest with: not telling that doc you're sexually active would not be helpful to you or to them.

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xxxCandycornxXx
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k...I'm from Westchester, in the town of Greenburgh. I would be honest with a doctor, talking to a doctor is different than telling your mom about it...

I dont think it is an STD tho...cause I have no idea where I would have gotten one from, and I have 0 symptoms. Anyway, thanks for being so helpful [Smile]

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Heather
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Most STIs are asymptomatic, and you've been sexually active: that's where you would have gotten one from.

(And why ALL sexually active people NEED to have these screens and exams every year.)

If you feel comfortable with your own doctor, that'd be the best person to see, since they have your whole health history already.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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xxxCandycornxXx
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Hmm...is it possible to have a labia minora that is too small/short? Maybe this is a stupid question, but when I spread them, theres only an opening the size of a quarter! I mean, I guess they stretch when you have sex or something right? But I tried to see if I could get the opening a little wider, and they really dont stretch or anything, so how is anything bigger than 1" in diameter gonna fit in there?? Once again, I am baffled at how women give birth...
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Heather
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The size of either the labia majora or minority has no bearing on the size of the vaginal opening.

And when nothing is within the vaginal opening -- it expands to surround what is put in it, or coming out of it, to help demystify birthing for you -- that's not an abnromal opening size.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me Get our book!
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xxxCandycornxXx
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Actually the perineum does break when you give birth, or at least alot of times it does. Hurray! Wait, no, that just means giving birth is that much more painful! Stupid female anatomy!

No seriously, why is it that everything is painful for girls? Menstruation, sex (the 1st time), birth...

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greenapp1es
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The perineum hopefully doesn't break when you give birth. When a woman is in labor and it looks like that might be a risk, the doctor will usually preform an episiotomy (clean incision from the vagina opening) to keep it from breaking. It heals much more cleanly that way, and it helps keep muscle tone intact. From the last statistics I've heard only 1 in 4 women need that though...I'm not sure if those are arccurate but a lot of the time the incision is unnecessary. Sure its more painful than not having anything needed at all...but I'd guess it to be a lot less painful than ripping/breaking.
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LilBlueSmurf
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Actually, episiotomies are much less necessary than women are lead to believe. If you look at the stats of physicians vs. midwives, midwives tend to use episiotomies much less often than physicians. This probably says more about their method of practice than the women themselves.

There has also been research showing that a woman will heal quicker with less complications if she has torn rather than if she's been given an episiotomy. I've had patients that go either way though; wanting to be cut so they don't tear, or prefering to tear because they feel they heal better that way.

Also, an episiotomy is NOT a guarantee that a woman will not tear anyway. I know of a patient who was given an episiotomy and tore anyway ... She had a fourth degree tear right through her rectum. Ouch [Frown]

Finally, not all first times are painful and not all women experience cramps. And believe it or not, some women claim to have no pain during labour [Wink]

[ 04-28-2006, 05:45 PM: Message edited by: LilBlueSmurf ]

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greenapp1es
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I guess my child development knowledge is a bit out of date then...oops. And yeah...a good friend of mine has 3 children...2 of her labors have been pain-free. Thanks for letting me know more current data though
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likewhoa19
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Yeah, actually I have no menstrual cramps. I believe this is related to diet. I read somewhere that women in many countries aren't known to have menstrual cramps. And then I read in some fashion magazine a list of foods that are supposed to help women not to have pain. Bananas are one of them, and I eat bananas all the time. The only two months I didn't, I got cramps. Healthy diets with tons of fruits and vegetables seem to help everything. Go figure!

And yeah, I know my mom tore during birth. She was in labor 2-24 hrs depending on the kid. She also had to have 3 breach births. I think I'll adopt...

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xxxCandycornxXx
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Pain free labor??!! Wow. Those women who's first times were pain-free, and who dont experience cramps, and ESPECIALLY who's labor is painless, I would consider very VERY lucky! (candycorn gets cramps, 1st time (if you call it that)was painful, and will probably pass out from pain if/when she gives birth)


ps. I know this is a bit off-topic, and I'm not sure that this is the place to ask, but do you think its safe to get a bikini wax, seeing as my perineum isnt fully healed? [Frown]

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DarkChild717
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Bikini wax right now probably isn't a good idea. That's something best left until you're totally healed.

[ 04-28-2006, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: DarkChild717 ]

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