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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » eyes open/eyes closed

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Author Topic: eyes open/eyes closed
oOo Lea oOo
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When my boyfriend and I are engaging in sexual activity or even kissing or holding each other, He has his eyes wide open. I know this doesnt sound like such a big deal but He gets offended bc I dont stare at him when we are fooling around or kissing. Instead I close my eyes. I just cant meet him eye to eye. He says he gets reassurance that he is "the man" when I look him in his yes because he can see deep into me. Is it weird for me to not be able to look him in the eyes..or is it normal? How can I over come this? I think it really gets to him. I can make eye contact with him. That is no problem, but in our "personal" time I close my eyes. Its not that I dont want to see him its just something I do. I have no idea why. please advise!

Posts: 366 | From: West Virginia | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I'm trying to find a nice way to say this.

...

Okay, I can't find a nice way to say this.

Your boyfriend is being a dope.

Everyone has diferent styles with this sort of little detail, different moods from day to day, different comfort levels, different preferences. Your preferences and comforts aren't problems to be overcome, and certainly not because he needs some weird reassurance for something that's already a given. I mean, he's male, he's there, he's the man there. You getting dizzy trying to stare at him during a close-up kiss doesn't make it any more so: you not looking at him doesn't make it any less so.

In a word, this is his thing to get over, not yours. It's totally fair every now and then in intimate moments to want to see your partners eyes, to maybe say something like, "Psssst...hey, can you look at me for a second?" take that second of a glance, enjoy it, and then to let your partner do whatever feels right for them. trying to reprogram a partner, however, to fit what YOU do is NOT fair nor is it reasonable.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
thisgurl08
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Different people like different things. My boyfriend kisses with his eyes open. At first it was werid but I tried kissing with my eyes open, I did feel closer to him then I did with my eyes close. Since you stated that you don't like that, just talk it out. If he can't adjust for you for something that small, then he might not for other things.
Posts: 8 | From: Savannah, GA USA | Registered: Dec 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Sedi Tlugvi
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To echo what's already been said, yes, your boyfriend is being a dope.

I can, however, see (no pun intended) where he's coming from. When my boyfriend and I kiss, have sex, anything intimate, I have my eyes open. I don't know why, that's just how I do things. *shrugs* He on the other hand, like you, closes his eyes, usually while kissing, not always during love making. It had never bothered me, nor had I noticed it, until one day, when we were having sex. I was on top and just happened to look down and see that his eyes were shut. Instantly, I became angry. For some reason or another, I had it in my mind that, because his eyes were shut, he didn't find me attractive enough to look at or, maybe, he was imagining that some other, more eye-pleasing, woman was atop him. In a matter of seconds, however, I realized how utterly insane an idea that was.

I guess your boyfriend just hasn't discovered his own insanity yet Talk with him aout it and explain that just because you don't stare at him during times of intimacy, it doesn't mean anything. Tell him what you've told us. If he can deal with it, fine. If can't, no loss. :P


Posts: 75 | From: Pennsylvania | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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on a more practical note, maybe i'm just not myopic enough, but trying to lock eyes when i'm locking lips just gives me a headache. my eyes can't focus that closely. i wind up straining them, and that hurts.

anyone else feel the same way?

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
coolestdesignz
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Yea... though it can be completely intense that the right time.

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Posts: 203 | From: Laguna Niguel, CA, USA | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PERVasive
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I don't really see why this has to be an all or nothing issue. Sexual activity or kissing with eyes open and the same with eyes closed are two different things. Looking into each other's eyes can be extremely intimate and enjoyable, or it can be awkward. Keeping your eyes closed can be wonderful for the focus it brings to physical sensations, and it can make it easier to get close to your partner sexually. On the other hand, closed eyes can mean reduced intimacy. I highly encourage you and your boyfriend to try both, because both can be enjoyable in their own ways. Happy new year!

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- PERVasive

"Don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." - Mark Twain


Posts: 64 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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quote:
. Keeping your eyes closed can be wonderful for the focus it brings to physical sensations, and it can make it easier to get close to your partner sexually. On the other hand, closed eyes can mean reduced intimacy.

I don't know of any data to support that assertion, which also implies, for instance, that non-sighted people can't be as intimate as those who are sighted.

Intimacy happens a LOT of different ways, and it's incredibly individual and interpersonal. And lord knows, someone can look right at you and be looking at you as an object, putting up BARRIERS to intimacy by doing so, so again, these just aren't things we can make arbitrary generalizations about.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
summergoddess
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For us, we have our eyes closed when we kiss. Depending on how we are sexually, we'll either have our eyes open or closed. For an example, I will have my eyes open if my SO is on top, but I will have my eyes closed if I AM on top. This the reason because I'm in control of how our love making is, and I get more intense on top and it gets even more when i have my eyes closed. I'm experiencing our emotional connection together, the sexual feelings, and etc.

Everybody has their own ways of interacting with their partners romantically, sexually, and etc. I agree how that you should commmunicate to your partner. Communication is very important in a relationship (every aspect of it, including intimacy).

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Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PERVasive
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I was very careful to say that these things can be true. I would have hoped that anything I wrote would be assumed to be my personal opinion, but I guess I should have been more clear. What I wrote was from my own experience, and I don't need data to support it, because I wasn't trying to generalize. I was merely trying to make a constructive suggestion, which respected the preferences of both partners, based on my own experience. If I suggested hugging to someone as a fun, low-stress form of intimacy, would you accuse me of short-changing amputees?

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- PERVasive

"Don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." - Mark Twain

[This message has been edited by PERVasive (edited 01-01-2006).]


Posts: 64 | From: Boston, MA | Registered: Aug 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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In the future? Better way, then, to word that would be: *I* have felt less intimate sometimes if my eyes were closed, or *I* feel like opening my eyes increases physical sensation for me.

For reasons which are likely obvious, I'm choosing not to respond to your last sentence there.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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