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Author Topic: a question for an unbeliveable story
number11
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Im gonna keep this, to me a still unbeliveable, story as short as posibile.

A girl i know and have had sex with a couple of times says shes pregnent. This is something you would have expect 'cuz we didnt use condoms. So what is so unbeliveable you ask? I'll tell ya. The thing is that she had a bad stomach injury douring training, and had had several operations to sort out the problems that accured, and douring these surgical procedures the doctor "clamped her pipes" so she couldnt get pregnent 'cuz that would cause a whole lot of problems again. So, as the doc said, there was no risk of pregnency, and as times before, we didnt use condoms about two weeks ago when we last had sex.. and now she got a baby. Do you see now what is so unbeliveable that has left even the doc in awe?

In this delicate situation, i turn to your council. I mean this girl aint even my girlfriend, we just happen to have had sex a couple of times when we found outselves in the same part of the country.. consider us as sex-buddyes if you want. So tell me, what to do now??? :


Posts: 62 | From: Serbia | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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It's very hard for me to believe a few things here ...

I'm not sure how it works there, but it's very hard for a young woman here to get a tubal ligation ("tubes clamped"). Even if a pregnancy would cause harm to a woman, there are other, much less permanent, birth control methods she can use. So, for one, i'm not sure i believe this tubal ligation occured.

Second of all, if the tubal ligation DID happen, it's really really REALLY rare that a pregnancy result anyway.

Are you sure she's actually pregnant? Have you seen the positive pregnancy test? Have you seen the proof (doctors notes would do) that she has actually had a tubal ligation?

Frankly, it sounds like she's lying about something here ... Either the tubal ligation or the pregnancy.

[This message has been edited by LilBlueSmurf (edited 12-03-2005).]


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number11
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No, i have not seen proof for either thing 'cuz, as i said, we live at different parts of the country. But if she is lying about something, i would imagine that it would have to be the pregnency 'cuz we had sex without using condoms before and no "harm" was done.

But ill get over a lie.. i just dont know what to do if the story is true though. :


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KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by #11:
But if she is lying about something, i would imagine that it would have to be the pregnency 'cuz we had sex without using condoms before and no "harm" was done.

Woah, woah, woah...just because you had sex before without a condom and a pregnancy did not result does NOT mean that everytime you can continue to do so and not have a pregnancy result. Heck, you can have unprotected sex 99 times without pregnancy and have that 100th time be the one where all the conditions are right and a pregnancy does result.

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Sarah Liz
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number11
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Thanx for the imput, but as i said in my previous reply, i can handle if she lied for some [whatever] reason, but my question is - what to do if she is, in fact, realy pregnent?
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KittenGoddess
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Well, that's probably something that you will need to sit down and discuss with her. She will need to decide whether or not to carry a pregnancy to term or to terminate. If she does decide to carry to term, then the decision will need to be made regarding whether one or both of you wish to parent the child or whether adoption is a better option for both of you and the child.

If she is indeed pregnant, then she will need to seek medical attention as soon as possible so that decisions can be made and the appropriate steps can be taken. Someone at her local clinic or doctor's office should be able to provide advice and information about options. For your part, you need to consider what part you would want to play in the part of any child that did result from this. In the event that she did decide to carry the pregnancy to term, you will want to contact legal counsel to find out what your rights and responsibilities are for this child.

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Sarah Liz
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number11
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Legal council? Never thought of that.
Does the fact that she told me that she cannot get pregnent exclude me from any legal obligation if she does decice to carry to term against my wishes?

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ladydexter
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quote:
Originally posted by #11:
Legal council? Never thought of that.
Does the fact that she told me that she cannot get pregnent exclude me from any legal obligation if she does decice to carry to term against my wishes?

If I remember rightly, you could say that she deliberately mislead you, but at the end of the day, you did decide to have sex without protection, so I'm not sure how well that would hold up in court, if it came to it.

I take it you want nothing to do with this child?


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Heather
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No, it generally does not.

As a male, you get to choose to wear a condom or not. In fact, that you chose not to showed that you were willing to dismiss any care about STIs and safer sex, so it'd be pretty tough to get anyone to buy the argument that you were any more invested in whether or not pregnancy occurred. Plus, you got to choose whether or not to have sex at all, and choosing not to in no way would have harmed you. You chose to have sex and chose to do so without birth control or safer sex practices. That was your reproductive choice, and you made it.

(Yes, you made it with very likely false information, but the information wasn't force or coercion keeping you from sliding a condom on anyway, see.)

Are you still talking to this girl? If so, what I'd suggest is that you NOT be all willy-nilly about her lying to you. As was already said, her getting a tubal ligation for a stomach injury -- no matter her age -- is the unlikliest thing in the world. A pregnancy after a tubal ligation is even more unlikely. I assure you, her doctor is not in awe: ten bucks says there isn't even a doctor to begin with, nor has she even seen one yet to verify a pregnancy. The only possible wiggle room I can see here is if she simply misunderstood what was actually done when she had surgery, but even that sounds pretty iffy.

In fact, at this point, before even continuing any mrore with your worries here, I'd ask her to email you a scan or copy of the results frm the pregnancy test she says her doctor has done. While you absolutely have taken high risks here, it's entirely likely she's lying about the pregnancy, too.

(And in case it isn't obvious, from here on out? You don't want to be a father, then you don't have sex without some form of birth control. It truly is that simple.)


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JamsessionVT
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Really, you don't have a legal obligation. You need to decide whether you want to play a part in the child-in-question's life; there are no legal terms to consider there (i.e., there is no law that says that any child concieved must have both the mother and father involved in its life, that's a personal decision) I can say this, however: your feelings, in all honesty, don't matter much when it comes to making a decision about carrying to full term if in fact she is pregnant. It is her choice, not yours, as she is the one carrying the child, so while she may consider your feelings, you have pretty much zero say in whether the child is carried to term or not.
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Heather
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Actually, per legal obligations, in many countries, a financial legal obligation for support , at a minimum, does usually exist.

In this case, the laws of her country would likely be the laws which apply.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 12-05-2005).]


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number11
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Okay, from what i have geathered up, she wasnt fakeing it, and she did have an abortion this past saturday. She went for a check-up today and everything seams to be in order. Im not totaly convinced that she has been completely truthfull about all o' this, but at least i can sleep a bit better at night now since she told me that if i want she will take the preg. test again next time we meet. Ant the most important thing for me here is that there is no unwanted pregnency (any more).

Just wanted to let you know how it played out. Thank you all for your input and support

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"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."


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Heather
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Umm, given when you posted, it may have been too early for her to have a surgical abortion.

Flatly, regardless of what really happened, what was true and what was false, I really wouldn't advise you continue having this person as a sex partner.


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number11
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Don't worry Miz, i learned my lesson
And she had a chemical abortion.. that is the right term as i recal it.

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