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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Some quite irksome issues.(long post)

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Author Topic: Some quite irksome issues.(long post)
Member # 26321

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Me and my boyfriend are both 16 and virgins. We've been together for over a year now, we're very much in love and trust each other well.
I would love to have intercourse with him but the trouble is I can never seem to get aroused often when he's around. At the moment, I believe there are two main reasons for this:
1) I get 'turned on' more by spontaneous sexual activities. I find that I feel more aroused when my boyfriend doesn't always realise that what he's doing is affecting me in that sense rather then him deliberatly doing somthing to give me those feelings (this annoys me sometimes as it's harder to get 'turned on' at the right moment).

2) The way I masturbate isn't somthing my boyfriend could really do to me. I feel odd because I've always masturbated just rubbing my thighs together which stimulates my clitoris and never using my hands. I have tried stimulating with my fingers but it just doesn't have the same effect. My boyfriend has tried using his own fingers but nothing so far.

I feel that if I did find a way of pleasuring with my fingers then that would help get me aroused easier for when my boyfriend does it and we'll be more prepared for sex.
On a note, I've never experienced my boyfriend 'going down' on me (I've forgotten the term for that), he says he wants to but I'm just alittle paranoid about smelling (even though I am a clean person!). I realise this could be another factor to why I don't get so aroused easily and that I might find this activity pleasurable.

Is it usual to have these kind of issues?

Sorry about the length of this post, I'll try to keep them shorter next time!
All help and advice appriciated, thanks :-)

[This message has been edited by -A_Cure- (edited 11-29-2005).]

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26329

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Like you said, perhaps the reason that you don't get aroused easily is that you are worried about smelling bad.I have been with my boyfriend for almost a year, and I used to be really nervous about that same thing. I was worried that perhaps something about my body was disgusting or wrong since I had never any kind of sexual relationship with anyone before. Once I learned to chill out a bit about myself, everything got A LOT better. Have you read the scarleteen article 'Yield for Pleasure'? It is really informative.

About what you said about your masturbation. My boyfriend fingers me very differently from the way that I masturbate. I still find it to be very pleasurable, and perhaps more exciting, since it feels different. If you feel comfortable, it might be the same thing with you. Many people masturbate in several different ways, so just because you masturbate in one way, doesn't mean that other methods won't be pleasurable, especially when there is the extra thrill of having your partner do it for you!!

Also, if you are still really worried about the smell issue, how about you take a shower right before doing anything sexual with your partner? Maybe that would make you more relaxed since you'd be very clean! But most importantly, I think that you shouldn't feel any rush to do anything. Once you feel more relaxed about your body and your potential smells it seems that everything will come naturally. I wish you a lot of luck, and i hope this helped in some way!! (it's my first response post!!!)

[This message has been edited by happy*little*me (edited 11-29-2005).]

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Member # 26321

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Thank you for your response, I'll take your advice and see how it goes =).

Posts: 8 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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