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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » help please

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Author Topic: help please
Member # 15440

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I have been with my boyfriend for 3years. And for the past years I just dont want to have sex anymore. For 1 thing it sometimes hurts and another I just dont get in to it. I would want to but then I dont. I dont what I should do about that?
Posts: 16 | Registered: Nov 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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You should stop posting the same question, You have already posted a copy of this post to the letter in another forum, which the guidelines you agreed to when registering made clear isn't okay.

I'll answer this here, and make the other go bye-bye. In the future one post only please.

* * *

If sex -- and I'm assuming you mean intercourse -- is painful and you know from screenings that you do NOT have an STI, it's because you're unaroused, and thus, your body isn't doing the things it needs to to make sex pleaurable, as it should be.

We can't know why you're not into it. You've exprtessed this relationship isn't satisfying to you: that's likely a huge part of it. I'm also going to bet that you and your partner don't communicate much about what is and isn't feeling good to you, about exploring what does feel good, and that you aren't declining sex when you're not interested or it doesn't feel good.

So, what can you do? Change your approach. Don't consent to sex when you're not into it. Take partners who will respect your health, boundaries and wants and needs. Talk to each other about what feels good and doesn't. Explore your body your own self to help find that out. Don't stay in relationships that aren't working for you, or aren't what you want. Don't have sex out of obligation. Respect yourself, look out for yourself, take care of yourself.

These two pieces may be of interest:
Ten of the Best Things You Can Do For Your Sexual Self (at any age)
Yield for Pleasure (or, why chilling out with intercourse can improve your sex life)

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder, Scarleteen
ST blog about Heather & Scarleteen
"You have to love women who are brave enough to do things so big in a world where women are supposed to be so small." - Andrea Dworkin

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 11-03-2005).]

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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