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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » scared

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Author Topic: scared
Member # 25625

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i've been thinking about having sex with my boyfriend (i'm a virgin). i'm 18, and we've been together for about 2 and a half months. we are totally and completely in love. but i'm really scared about disappointing my mom. she's always told me to wait until i'm married, and i do understand why. i'm just scared she'll do something drastic like stop talking to me. i dont know, i'm just worried. any suggestions?
Posts: 1 | From: FL, USA | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kisses Me Pink
Member # 24198

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Why do you have to tell your mom? I mean, not to encourage lying, but you are 18, and now it is your life. You don't have to tell her everything.

However if you do tell her, there really is no way of telling how she'll react. And if you're that worried about it, it might just be a better idea to remain abstinent for this point in your life.

Posts: 70 | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

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The other important question to ask is are you really ready?

Take a look at our little reality check on this:

Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23008

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hey, im going through that same problem. Only im nearly 17 and have just had sex. i havent told my mum yet, and have not been to the doctors to get a form of contractptive, we used condoms (should b safe - nothing bad happended) anyway im not going to tell my mum as its none of her business, truly its your life, do what you want with it.
As far as your mum reacting, my mum is a total scare, im thinking that she'll bite my head off... but look at it this way, your her daughter, ''mother knows best'' untill daughter decides to take control... Do what you think is right, but Yes make sure you are ready or you may regret it. (which im not) this may sound weird coming from someone younger than you to..

[This message has been edited by shon (edited 10-06-2005).]

Posts: 49 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

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When making decisions regarding whether or not you'll have sex, (regardless of whether you have done it before or not), its best to make your prioty what is right for you, and of course for your potential partner/s. I wouldn't recommend that someone had sex to please their mother (or father or sister or brother) and by the same token I don't believe it's healthy to abstain from sexual activity solely for the sake of someone who is not really involved.

Having said that, however, if you live in someone's house without paying rent, or if there is a person who would be have to shoulder some, or most, of the responsibility should something go wrong (if you contracted an STD, or if you had an unplanned pregnancy), then I think that person has the right to have you repsect their wishes for so long as that situation of dependence continues.

Lastly, to shon, while it isn't strictly necessary to obtain contraceptives from your doctor (yay for condoms!), if you feel that you are unable to consult with a doctor regarding your sex life, for things like STD/STI tests, pap smears and potential unplanned pregnancy, then it doesn't seem like such a good idea to be engaging in partnered sexual activity that holds the risk of disease and/or pregnancy.

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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