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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Condoms?

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Author Topic: Condoms?
geminisoul
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Member # 25275

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I've recently become sexually active with a parter that I trust and love. We've been using condoms because I'm not currently on birth control.

However, condoms just don't seem to work for us, and my boyfriend has suggested that once I get on birth control, that we should try having sex without using a condom everytime.

I was a virgin when we first had sex, and he wasn't. He has been tested since the last time he was sexually active with another girl, and he's clean.

I want to try it, but is there anything I should know? Does it really make a difference to not use a condom if I'm on birth control? Even though we are both clean, is there still a chance of getting an infection from being sexually active without a condom?


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Heather
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You can ONLY assume a reduced risk of STI transmission once:

- BOTH partners -- regardless of sexual history or lack therof, and know that NO sexual history would mean NO intimate contact with any partner, not just intercourse -- have had at least TWO full STI screens in the last six months, and
- BOTH partners have been fully monogamous for at least that six months, AND
- BOTH partners have been using latex barriers for all high-risk sexual activities: oral sex, vaginal sex and/or anal sex.

Once all of that is the case, then your risks are greatly reduced and it is considered far safer to have sex without barrier use, so long as you remain monogamous and are both still screened once each year. And until those things are the case, neither of you can presume to be STI-free.

That said, ever after there is still some risk, but it is greatly reduced.

What isn't working per the condoms for now? Are you using thin, quality condoms? Extra latex-safe lubricant both inside the condom and outside?

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geminisoul
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We were using thin, lubricated condoms, Lifestyles brand but I still couldn't really feel anything and he kept going soft before he could ejaculate. The first time, we used Trojans, but I found the spermicide to be irritating.

Though he has been sexually active, he was with his last girlfriend for two years and they were not sexually active. Within the timespan of that relationship (last year, I believe) he was tested and came back clean, and I am the first girl he has been with since.


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Heather
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Well, understand that the vaginal canal alone doesn't have a whole lot of nerve endings. So, chances are that condoms or no, you're not going to feel a huge difference in that regard (though that can vary with variances in female arousal and individuality as well as with male penis size). Thin condoms don't change the texture of the penis per female sensation much at all. Likely from your end, you're simply experiencing a normal level of sensation from vaginal intercourse. Might want to try a textured condom, and be sure you use extra latex-safe lube on the outside, as well as a few drops inside the condom for your partner.

Know too that because the condom ring grips the base of the penis, physiologicaly, they actually help MAINTAIN erection. if doing so is a problem only with condoms, in nearly all cases, its a mind-over-matter issue. In other words, a guy decides condoms are yucky or annoying and his penis follows his mind's lead.

Per the testing and sexual history issues, what I said in the first post still holds if you do have an interest in reducing your risks. Those are simply the only standards which have been shown to be effective in doing such. So, if you two want to look towards going without barriers, now would be the time to start the six-month plan, beginning with one fresh round of screenings for you both.


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geminisoul
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Thank you so much for the help!
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