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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » are condoms an issue?

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Author Topic: are condoms an issue?
RageAgainstU
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Member # 14199

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i recently had sex, and it was extremely uncomfortable. for one, i havent had sex in over 2 years, and two, im thinking that maybe the condom was too big on my boyfriend, and it was causing friction. could these be factors? im almost positive i was sexually arroused enough, but for some reason, the sex was kind of painful.
Posts: 33 | From: Cheshire, CT, US | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Pretty unlikely it was the condoms.

Far more likely is tha you were NOT fully aroused and were not using additional lubricant as needed thereafter.

In fact, it being exteremely uncomfortable for you would give me an educated guess that you likely also weren't engaging in other arousing, sexually satisfying activities beforehand for any substantial length of time, either. I'm betting if they went on at all -- like, say, lots of making out, receptive oral or manual sex for you, for, let's say, at least a good half hour, or better still, an orgasm on your part from same beforehand.

You also up to date with annual sexual health exams?

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RageAgainstU
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Member # 14199

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yes i am. safe as safe can be. no infections or sti's. nothing. there was no oral sex involved, but he fingered me for maybe 10 minutes, and that also hurt as well. but he only used one finger, and when he touched my g-spot, it didnt feel as good as i remember it feeling 2 years ago. i could have been tense, but i was wet. maybe not wet enough?? it couldnt have anything to do with me not being sexually active for 2 years? maybe the hemen wasn't broken all the way?? fat chance with that one, but i'm just throwing out suggestions because i want sex to feel good. it just seems as if it never does, even though i did have an orgasm during penetration.

also, my mom had said something about drinking water before hand and going to the bathroom. could be hitting my bladder or something, causing discomfort as well?

[This message has been edited by RageAgainstU (edited 08-19-2005).]


Posts: 33 | From: Cheshire, CT, US | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Well, what you're describing per the sexual activity beforehand, pretty much ALL you had going was vaginal penetration, none of which felt good, for a really insufficient period of time. Why you even then went on to attempt intercourse given that, I'm not sure.

Your hymen -- which is likely partial at best at this point -- isn't likely to be an issue. If you DID have a hymen which wasn't at least partial, your gynecologist would have mentioned it. per your bladder, if the discomfort is deep in your pelvis, then that's a possibility. But if it's in your vaginal canal or at the opening, no, that's not likely.

How about this (and you caught me in the middle of writing an article about all this, no less): next time, before intercourse, if you do that at all, why not not only engage in other sexual activities beforehand which are NOT about penetration -- such as, whole body massage and petting, manual sex that is about your clitoris and labia, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc. -- to the point that you orgasm from THOSE first. Then, when THAT happens, if you and yours want to have intercourse, I'm willing to bet it'll feel a WHOLE lot better for you. making sure you communicate with your partner throughout about a depth, rhythm, position and pace that's working for you is also pretty key.

And in the future? When entry with one finger doesn't feel good? Both stop with that AND don't then go on to penetration with something even larger: that's just setting yourself up for discomfort.

Understand too that not everybody LIKES vaginal penetration -- sometimes always, sometimes just at given periods in their lives. And if and when that's the case, it's not a big, since like anything else, it's not required. There are loads of potentially enjoyable sexual activities, and that's but one.


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gubblebum
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It's possible your expectations are just too high. You're holding yourself to a high standard, which may mean you're setting yourself up for failure. You might be incorrectly remembering the sex you had before, and therefore labeling the sex you're having now as not as good.
Posts: 213 | From: Spain | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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