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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Too Fast?

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Author Topic: Too Fast?
Member # 21320

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Hi...Me and this guy im seeing have been going kinda fast lately. Just like touching each other up and stuff,but it feels like we are going to fast. I know he wants me to do more, and i want to. But i dont know how to tell him 'Not yet', without him being offended. I know he will understand but hes really sensitive so i dont wanna hurt him. How do i know if im ready to go further? Thanks.......
Posts: 97 | From: Uk | Registered: Dec 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, one really big way to know is when it does NOT in any way feel too fast, but when it feels just right.

And really just right: not simply "right" because you've accepted it feels too fast and figure you'll deal.

Ultimately, anyone who's ready to be sexually involved with anyone else needs to have the emotional maturity to not take a partner's lack of readiness, or slower pace as a personal affront. So, if you can't say to this guy something as simple as "This feels too fast for me, I need to slow down," with no other explanation, or without him getting his esteem in a twist?

Then it isn't right yet.

Heather Corinna
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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I don't really know what's to be offended about ... You can just tell him what you've told us here; You'd really like to go further w/ him, but you don't think you're ready right now and would like to slow it down a bit.

We have a readiness checklist, that might be of some use to you.

Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 785

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If he were to be offended by your wanting to move slower, then take that as a signal that he doesn't really care about your feelings; he's more worried about getting off than having a true relationship. In which case he probably isn't the guy for you.
Posts: 304 | From: Pittsburgh PA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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