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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Orgasm?

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Author Topic: Orgasm?
Member # 22843

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I lost my virginity about a month ago and the sex has been really good...but I never actually came to orgasm...I know its generally harder for girls to come to orgasm compared to boys but why is that? Is there anything that I can do to come to orgasm..?? I mean it seems so easy for guys to come since every time we've made love my boyfriend has come but I've never...and I don't want to fake one...

Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

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It is quite difficult for women to orgasm from penetration alone. There simply aren't a lot of nerve endings in the vagina. If you can orgasm from masturbation, then your systems are OK. You and your partner will just have to be more creative. And the women who orgasm from penetration alone in porn, they're faking it.

The Scarleteen article on orgasm:

Sexual Response and Orgasm: A User's Guide

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.

- Galileo

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22843

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Thanks least now I know there isn't something wrong with me...Thanks again...
Posts: 50 | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 23425

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That's not always true - there are some women who can orgasm from penetration alone.
Posts: 65 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That's absolutely correct.

Thing is, SOME parts of the vaginal canal are more sensitive than others, and to boot, some parts of the clitoris are inside the vagina. What we see externally per the clitoris is a lot of the story, but it's not all of it.

So, simply put, yes: the majority of women do not come from intercourse alone, but that's the broadest answer.

The details are that intercourse "alone" really means just that. But not only does it not have to be that -- penis in vagina and nothing else -- but when you get the hang of the thing and are having sex with a partner in a holistic way, it is/should be whole body. So, when you're having intercourse, not only can you position yourself so that you're getting not just more clitoral contact but more whole body contact, you can also engage in more than intercourse DURING intercourse, with your and your partner using hands and fingers, sex toys, what have you.

(And that goes for BOTH men and women -- orgasm just with intercourse also isn't the very best thing for plenty of MEN, too.)

Finding what works for you in that regard is simply a process you learn over time through practice, and that exploration should be fun, not a chore. if IT isn't, then even with orgam, there's kind of little point of having sex with a partner in the first place.

Heather Corinna
Editor & Founder
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24246

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Rest assured that there is nothing "wrong" with you. Latest statistic I've heard is that 46% of women experience sexual dysfnction...meaning a lack of orgasm. That's a huge number. And that number is based on grown women, probably women who are a lot more experienced than you. That's an important fact because honestly, orgasm takes practice.

There is no real guaranteed trick that will bring you to orgasm every time. If there was, every woman would have perfect orgasms every time.

I found that the best way for me to figure out what made me tick was to explore on my own. Masturbation can be a great tool for developing your own sexuality and for getting to know your own body. Once you know what pleases you, you can effectively communicate to your partner what you want. And communication is the only thing that can come close to being an "orgasm button".

Orgasm is a complex reaction to sexual tension. It is both pysical and psychic. It invloves many different parts of your body working together to achieve the release of that tension. It's not something that a lot of women can just naturally do. You'll have to practice and really get to know how your body works.
Sorry to be so long-winded, especially on my first post, but I feel strongly about educating women on their sexuality and I think that self-awareness is the cure for most sexual issues.

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
Mother Teresa

Posts: 12 | From: Nashua New Hampshire | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 22843

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Thanks everyone for all the advice..I finally realised there was nothing wrong with me but the other day when my boyfriend and I did make love, I didn't come to an orgasm again. I love my boyfriend very very much and we are really close. He wasn't a virgin, however I was and he was really gentle with me during my first time. Nevertheless, when we made love yesterday , I didn't come to an orgasm again and he asked me if the sex was good and I really thought that it was although I didn't come to an orgasm however he was a little upset that I didn't come. And now he thinks that he couldn't satisfy me fully yet he did more than he knows and I feel really upset that he thinks he didn't satisfy me completely...but I he has in more ways than he'll ever know...I just want to know how to explain to him that just because I didn't come to an orgasm it doesn't mean that the sex isn't good for me..

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Member # 22471

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Say it just like that- tell him orgasm isn't even what makes sex worthwhile for you; for a number of people the reaosn they enjoy sex is because of the closeness they have with their partner during it, not because they "climaxed" necessarily.

Also, why not suggest to him you play around a little more beforehand or afterwards? You could always try otherways of stimulation to help him bring you to orgasm before intercourse, and once you have orgasmed, then move to intercourse so it's still a pleasureable activity for you and him as a whole.

Really, though, just explain to him really clearly that you're not having sex for the orgasm, anyway, it's more about being with him and being happy with him. Orgasm is not the key to happiness.

Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 24363

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I know this is kinda weird but everytime I touch myself down there or my boyfriend does during sex I seem to have an orgasm every single time. You should try
Posts: 3 | From: California | Registered: Jul 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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