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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Unsure about sex

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Author Topic: Unsure about sex
hellcatbaby0519
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I'm 15 and I'm not sure if I should have sex with my boyfriend or not. We've been together for 6 months and I love him so much. The problem is, my family believes in abstinence and would look down on me if they found out I was'nt a virgin anymore. I, personally, don't agree with saving sex until marriage. I believe if you have protection and your comfortable with doing it, its okay.

I want to have sex with my boyfriend so bad, I feel I'm ready. But I know my parents wouldn't agree. I've already had a conversation with them about it, but it isn't going anywhere. They are firm in their decision. Please can someone give me advice on what I should do, or what they would do in my situation?

Talking with my parents doesn't work..I know it seems its a family thing and I should resolve it by talking to them but I've talked to them plenty of times but all they said is that they would be extremely disappointed with me if I decided to do that and I really care what they think about me.

I don't know what I should do...I'm even considering having sex and keeping it secret.


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kalanica
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Well, you being 15 shouldn't be too much of an issue with sex, if you've really thought it over and have weighed all the consequences of it... unless your partner is over the age of consent, which, depending upon where you live, you could be or couldn't be. The risk of him being over age of consent and you being under it could land him in a lot of legal trouble. I don't think you'd want that.

Having sex or not having sex is in your hands - again, I say, that it is important that even though your hormones are probably raging and saying "Let's go!", you have to weigh the consequences of what would happen, if, for instance, your parents were to find out. What would happen if the birth control method you used failed (assuming that you would be cautious enough and responsible enough to use birth control) and you ended up with an STD or pregnant?

Before I bring this to a close, before having sex, don't do it if you have any doubts or guilt, because it doesn't go away after the deed is done. If you had sex and kept it secret, would you beat yourself up inside everytime it came up in your house?

I'm not preaching abstinence, so please, don't get me wrong. I'm a year older than you, and weighed this same topic in my head for a year, before finally having sex with my boyfriend...and I don't regret it. I just don't want for you to look back on it and have regrets. Think it over thouroughly, and talk about it with your partner before getting caught up in the heat of the moment and doing something that you might later on regret.


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scaredsilly2
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I do agree that if you have any kind of doubt personally towards sex then it is true that you could end up mentally beating yourself up. If you are sure of yourself and able to handle any kind of responsibilities, you'll make up your mind to do it. It never hurts to wait but if you're sure that your boyfriend is the one be sure to discuss every aspect you can with him.

Much like kalanica, I waited a year from when I thought I was sure until I was definitely sure. It was well worth it and I have absolutely no regrets.

As far as family goes, I think that depending on how much you regard their opinions...it could play into matter. Ultimately only you can decide what's best for you and in the interest of your body, not them. If you do have sex just take all the necessary procautions to having safer sex.

------------------
-the maker is surely one who makes themself.-


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hellcatbaby0519
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I feel I'm ready, and so does my boyfriend. Nonetheless, I'm gonna think about this one for a while! Thanks soo much for the great advice!! I appreciate it!
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dailicious
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Just to add in for you:

Check out the main site for articles about first sex and other precuations you should be aware of. There are some wonderful articles discussing how to know if you're really ready, as well.

And for reference, check out if it's even legal for you to be sexually active by looking up your state's legal age of consent at ageofconsent.com


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lovegoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by hellcatbaby0519:
I feel I'm ready, and so does my boyfriend. Nonetheless, I'm gonna think about this one for a while! Thanks soo much for the great advice!! I appreciate it!

Your family wouldn't necessarily look down on you,they would be disappointed in you and themselves.I'm glad to see that you are still waiting.Waiting until you're married may be a bit long,and it's ok not to wait until then.Sex is not all that it seems to be at your age.It is true that it is better when you're older.I figure if you're not old enough to not just get a job to support a child,but make a career for yourselves,than wait,it is not worth the risk.No matter how safe you are,nothing is 100%.If you were to get pregnant,your parents would have to support you with raising you and your child and providing a home for you and your child.That is not the life you want for your child.This is not to mention,SDT's that are nothing to joke around with.They can also be contracted through oral sex.I hope that you stay safe,and wait a few years.Good luck.


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lovegoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by hellcatbaby0519:
I'm 15 and I'm not sure if I should have sex with my boyfriend or not. We've been together for 6 months and I love him so much. The problem is, my family believes in abstinence and would look down on me if they found out I was'nt a virgin anymore. I, personally, don't agree with saving sex until marriage. I believe if you have protection and your comfortable with doing it, its okay.

I want to have sex with my boyfriend so bad, I feel I'm ready. But I know my parents wouldn't agree. I've already had a conversation with them about it, but it isn't going anywhere. They are firm in their decision. Please can someone give me advice on what I should do, or what they would do in my situation?

Talking with my parents doesn't work..I know it seems its a family thing and I should resolve it by talking to them but I've talked to them plenty of times but all they said is that they would be extremely disappointed with me if I decided to do that and I really care what they think about me.

I don't know what I should do...I'm even considering having sex and keeping it secret.


One more thing.If you feel strongly about this being a family decision,which i applaude,and you were to do it and keep it a secret,that will haunt you forever.


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JamsessionVT
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You know, one of the ways you KNOW you are ready to have sex is that you are willing and able to wait.

This shows a huge boatload of maturity. You may have the protection, support, emotional readiness, physical readiness, whatever you need, but if you have all that and are willing to wait to share that time with your partner, that shows real understanding and readiness.

[This message has been edited by JamsessionVT (edited 06-21-2005).]


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hellcatbaby0519
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For the age of consent issue, I turn 16 in a week and in NJ thats the legal age

I am willing and able to wait, as long as it takes for us to be PERFECTLY sure him and I should do this. As of right now, I'm not there yet (I'm pretty sure, but I still have some doubts) it will take a lot of debating but I'm sure when I'm really ready, I will know it. =)


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LilBlueSmurf
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Here are some articles that might help you out;

Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist
First Intercourse 101


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morganlh85
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You're only 15. Don't mean to be harsh, but chances are pretty high that you won't stay with this guy forever and you might even regret losing your virginity to him. Also after six months, pretty much every teen thinks they are in love, but once the relationship is over they think "How could I have thought I was in love with that guy!?" Love is blind, and sometimes it's difficult to see things for what they really are and think realistically about teenage relationships. Picture yourself broken up with this guy in another 6 months; would you be really upset that you had sex with him? If so, it's probably not a good idea to do it. Part of being ready for sex is being ready to face the possibility that this relationship may not last and having to deal with the aftermath.

I personally don't believe a sixth month relationship at 15 is long enough to be truly in love or ready for sex, but of course that's all up to you. I just know too many girls who were so sure they were in love, so sure they were ready to share their bodies with that guy, and ended up heartbroken and regretful later on. In the end remember this -- it won't hurt anything or anyone to wait a little longer on having sex; but it could certainly hurt you if you act too soon.

If you decide you are ready, you have to be prepared to visit a clinic to get birth control, educate yourself about sex and your body, and have thorough discussions about sex and possible pregnancy with your boyfriend. If you would feel guilty about doing this behind your parents' backs, it might not be worth the trouble and the risk of them finding out. Again I stress; there's nothing wrong with waiting a little longer. Your parents would probably be more accepting of your decision to have sex before marriage when you are older, more mature, and in a long term relationship.


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hot4nerds
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It's you who is going to be involved with your boyfriend, not your parents.

Being 15 I think you are about old enough to realize what you want and what you don't from a relationship, but it would help to look over the sex readiness checklist, just to make sure.

If you're going to feel guilty, don't have sex. Sex isn't supposed to make you feel bad, or guitly, or dirty, or wrong.


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ladydexter
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quote:
Originally posted by morganlh85:
If you decide you are ready, you have to be prepared to visit a clinic to get birth control

Or at the very least, pop down to the drug store and buy some condoms.

(Let's not forget that hormonal methods are not the only form of birth control and condoms are perfectly reliable of their own accord, if used properly. Aside from this, many religions prohibit the use of the pill <Notably, the Jews prohibit the use of condoms!> and it truly depends on the beliefs of the poster as to whether they choose to adhere to that or not. <To be honest with you, I have enough pregnancy scares WITH condoms and the pill, so I wouldn't follow my religion and skip the condom...> )


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