He's super horny all the time. And, I like sex. I like it a lot, but there are many times I'm just not in the mood. He's starting to suggest sex in wild places and he's even convinced me to try out some new toys. Not a big deal.
The problem is, it's frequent. We're doing it quite often now... Which isn't a bad thing, but I don't think I can keep up, lol. I've told him about this, and he's okay with it, but it's hard for him to keep his drive down. Does anyone have any ideas for how he can manage this? Or, any ideas on how I can be mre accomodating? I'm not uncomfortable with the sex or the experimentation, but I don't even think I have time for it!
I really just need techniques for reducing his "need", I guess, because he's bothered by it, and I just can't have sex with him whenever he wants it, even though I might like to. Not only is he horny, but he's getting a lot of involuntary erections. Like... When we're in bed in the mornings, or, at work.
Posts: 15 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2005
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Here's the thing: a person's actual sex drive, their libido, does NOT require a partner to be satiated. Any and ALL of us can d that with our own two hands and whatever inanimate (or animated by battery) objects we prefer. Physiologically? Our bodies don't actually know the difference.
So, YOU do not need to even think about "reducing his need." HE needs to manage it, per taking his wants and desires and finding the happy medium with YOURS, honey.
He CAN keep "his drive down," when it comes to you: if you are saying, "Hey, this is about as much as I'm interested in," then he simply needs to note that and take what he's got beyond that home with himself. And that shouldn't be a challenge, again, if this is about his physical needs and desires: if it is a problem, I'd garner deeper issues are at root here, like power and control issues.
As well? Involuntary erections aren't the body demanding sex: they're simply the body responding to arousal, and sometimes, not even arousal (morning erections generally are not about arousal at all). Women would have the same thing if we had as obvious a flag. Every time the slightest thing arouses you even a little bit, do you turn to your partner to have every arousal addressed? Would you really want partnered sex every single time that happened? if you did, wouldn't that strike you as somewhat off?
We have sexual partnership for intimacy, as well as yes, because it's fun, it feels good, what have you. But really? When we JUST have a need to reach orgasm, feel physically satisfied? That's what masturbation is for, where someone else's needs and desires dont't need to be considered at all. When another person is there? The person needs to come BEFORE the libido. Always.
You COMPLETELY misunderstood my entire dilemma.
He's not pressuring me, hurting me or exercising control over me in any way. It only takes a simple "I'm not in the mood." to get my feelings across. He's just really, really horny.
I just wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help out with this. By "accomodating" I meant helpful. I want to be able to help him with this, since I'm pretty much incapable or having sex with him as much as he wants it.
I simply said that really -- let me try and reqord simply -- it's not a partner's place to manage another partner's libido 24/7, if the relationship is between two capable adults.
His libido is his to manage, and learning to do that, both with a partner and without one, is a necessary part of adult development.
So, again, what I'd suggest that is likely to be most helpful is to simply agree to/initiate sex when you're also interested in it, and when you're not, and he is, to endorse him masturbating or doing whatever HE needs to do, alone, to deal with that.
what sucks is that im like your guy in my relationship! personally it's because my boyfriend is a lot more experienced than i am and so it's all really new and exciting to me but it just makes me want him more knowing that he's not always going to give in. so use your hard-to-getness to your advantage! if it wasn't driving him crazy in a good way then i doubt he'd be so adament about having so much sex haha..
Posts: 29 | From: anaheim | Registered: Jan 2005
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quote:Originally posted by xxxheatherxxx: what sucks is that im like your guy in my relationship! personally it's because my boyfriend is a lot more experienced than i am and so it's all really new and exciting to me but it just makes me want him more knowing that he's not always going to give in. so use your hard-to-getness to your advantage! if it wasn't driving him crazy in a good way then i doubt he'd be so adament about having so much sex haha..
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