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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » quick fix, literally..

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Author Topic: quick fix, literally..
Member # 21813

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So, I really suck at giving handjobs, he tries to teach me what pleases him and yeah he never comes, it's very frustrating, he doesn't want to use KY jelly or anything. The last time we used hair gel and i swear that's not healthy and he would like me to use my spit, which is in no way appleaing and i'm not going to do that, boxers dont work, i'm running out of options and we're both frustrated. can you offer some helpful hints?
Posts: 5 | From: cs, PA, usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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lobby harder for the lube. it's the ONLY thing you should be using for handjobs. hair gel has a ton of alcohol in it, which burns and dies out skin. the sensitive skin on a penis won't tolerate it at all (but i think you figured this out at the time).

why doesn't he like lube? did he have a bad experience? have you tried other brands? KY Jelly can be messy and makes nasty black pills. what about a brand like Astroglide? or KY liquid? or Wet?

Also, have you ever tried using a latex glove during manual sex? it makes your hand smoother, so it will feel better. moreover, you won't pass nasty hand germs to your partner's genitals. it's safer than no glove.

anyway, try a latex glove (like the ones your dentist wears) plus water-based lube. Don't use petroleum jelly.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21813

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I think he's just shy and doesn't want to go out and get the proper solution. so i'm at a loss of what to do other than to just tell him to get some or get none. haha thanks for the advice.
Posts: 5 | From: cs, PA, usa | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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If he can't be mature enough about it, maybe just not doing it is the best solution. If he's all freaked out about buying some lube, how does he do with buying condoms? What if you ever needed a pregnancy or STD test?

(Of course there is two of you, and you should be able to do all of the above as well, but not because he absolutely can't. If he absolutely can't, he probably has no business being sexually active in the first place)

So yes ... i think get some or get none should work well

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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Let's make sure too, though, that you BOTH are really approaching this the right way.

What I'm hearing in your paost is approaching partnered sex as if it were product, not process. In other words, it really shouldn't be primarily about how to get to a certain result, but about being able to enjoy the WHOLE process, with or without orgasm, for BOTH of you.

And while yes, a big part of that is tackling things maturely, having the things you need to do that both enjoyably and safely, it's also about approaching partnered sex in a different way than, say, most people approach masturbation. If it's all about pulling out you hair to go nuts trying to get the other one off, you're really missing the point.

Heather Corinna
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20990

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If he can't come by masturbating even when he's very aroused, or if he has great difficulty doing so -- for instance, if it routinely takes well over an hour -- he may have a medical issue and need to see a doctor. I turned out to have such a problem. (Or he may just need practice.)

If he can come by masturbating with no trouble, that's not the case. (If you can't ask him whether he can or not, you need to work on your relationship and communication, and probably shouldn't be doing anything until you can.)

[This message has been edited by N (edited 02-05-2005).]

Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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