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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » pain for him

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Author Topic: pain for him
Member # 17982

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recently my boyfriend and I were together. I gave him manual sex (a hand job) multiple times, and each time he stopped me before he came. He said it was so things didn't "end badly". I figure he just didn't want to come on me, out of courtesy. I thanked him for his sensitivity, but asked him if it was painful. He said sometimes. Isn't this bad for him?? I'm really wondering because it definitely doesn't make me uncomfortable for him to orgasm, regardless of the outcome. I'm not real sure what to do...
Posts: 20 | From: MI, United States | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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Being very aroused but not reaching orgasm can cause uncomfortable vasocongestion (for both men and women), but it doesn't cause any long-term harm. And of course it can be easily fixed with ibuprofen or masturbation!

However, it sounds like the two of you need to have a talk. If it's fine with you for him to ejaculate, there doesn't seem to be any reason for him to think it will "end badly". So you might want to find out what's worrying him, and clarify your feelings about this.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 21227

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When he said painful did he mean that it hurts for him to orgasm? I don't think it should hurt, unless something is wrong. Maybe he means that it hurts if he waits and doesn't ejaculate. If your comfortable with him, then tell him you don't have a problem with his coming. That should fix him up.
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Sara Greene
Member # 21857

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It might "hurt" to get to the point of climax and not end up having an orgasm. Having yourself stimulated to an extreme point and then no release can be uncomfortable.

Maybe you should tell him you don't mind performing manual sex on him, and that if his cum gets on you all you've got to do is wash it off!

Posts: 15 | From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 20990

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I think the key thing is to find out exactly what he means by "end badly". For which you have to ask him, of course.

If ejaculation is painful for him, there could be a medical problem. Or he could, just possibly, be really tense; when I have really really tense (intermittently spasming) muscles, orgasm can hurt because of that; relaxing the muscles with a massage beforehand makes all the difference.

Posts: 37 | From: USA | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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