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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » confused, can anyone help me out?

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Author Topic: confused, can anyone help me out?
Member # 20828

Icon 5 posted      Profile for RebootJive     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I was wondering a few things. First, my boyfriend and I tried oral/manual stimulation on each other for the first time a couple days ago, and he couldn't seem to cum with me doing it. He said I was doing everything right, but he just couldn't. I asked him to masturbate for me so I could watch and "double check my form (lol)". He did, but he said he felt bad about it, and I told him he shouldn't. He says that he's comfortable with me as well. But I was wondering, is there something I could do so that he could cum with me stimulating him?

Second, it seems as though every time I start to "settle down" after being really aroused, I get a headache, and if I don't take some aspirin or something right away, it gets worse for like 2 days. Is there a reason for that?

Third, I was wondering if it would be wise to tear my own hymen. My boyfriend is MUCH bigger than I am (I'm 5'4, around 130lbs and he's about 6'6, around 190lbs), and his fingers follow suit, and it hurts a little to even have him put one finger in. I have 2 holes in my hymen, both of which I could get my finger through, so I was wondering if I could just put my finger through the holes and pull, breaking the "bridge" of skin that is my hymen. Is this healthy? My boyfriend says he's ok with that, since neither of us believes that virginity depends on your hymen. I just don't know how safe it is.

Thanks a ton!

[This message has been edited by MistressNomad (edited 11-15-2004).]

Posts: 11 | Registered: Nov 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 8776

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MarvellousPurple     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
1. Well, we can't give out technique advice or anything, not that it would be terribly helpful anyway. Probably the best advice is to give it time and relax some: it takes a while to get used to someone else getting you off, honestly. Give it a while, practice, get everyone comfy with what's going on, and go from there. These things tend to work themselves out.

2. No idea. Sorry. I'll leave it to someone else

3. I can't see why it would be a problem, especially since that's how most peoples' hymens break, if they exist at all. Wash your hands well beforehand and maybe be prepared with a warm wet washcloth (there may be a little bleeding), but I honestly don't see any reason not to. Of course, if this is somehow terrible advice, someone please tell me, but somsone consciously breaking their own hymen in clean conditions doesn't seem worse to me than a hymen breaking by tampon use or penetrative sex.

I can count to purple backwards!

Posts: 475 | From: Back in Providence, RI | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 3

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Thing is, I'm a'gonna say it for the zillionth time.

The hymen really, almost always, doesn't "break," nor need to be "broken." Over time, that thin membrane wears away from the vaginal opening due to hormones, vaginal penetration and stimulation of many types, and the plain ol' passage of time.

Really, the best bet is this: take things slow. If you're not rushing into partnered sex or intercourse, masturbation and plenty of sexual activities, as well as the things mentioned above will take care of a partial hymen over time, without discomfort or concerted effort.

The hymen is flexible. If you're feeling pain with penetration, chances are good it isn't actually your hymen, but the whole of your vaginal canal and opening due to lack of full arousal and the accompanying adequate lubrication. If those things aren't present, hymen or no, penetration isn't going to be pleasant.

If, however, you feel your hymen is especially resilient, it's a much safer and more efficeient thing to simply see your GYN and ask about it. if he or she agrees, and feels it IS necessary to ease it open, that can be done far more quickly, easily and with less discomfort in your GYNs office. haven't been to a GYN yet? If not, that's something you need to start doing BEFORE you become sexually active as you already are, so hop on that.

(And if the oral/manual sex y'all are having is unprotected, you BOTH need full STI screens and to consider safer sex practices if you want to stay healthy.)

Per the headaches, sounds like a tension headache from vasocongestion: the swelling of blood vessels due to arousal that can cause discomfort, especially when orgasm doesn't occur. So, if you're going to get really worked up and that's been happening, you can either just go ahead and take an analgesic and/or bring yourself to orgasm afterwards. Of course, partnered sex can also be stressful, so it's possible the headache may also be from stress.

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17533

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Per the trying to make your boyfriend orgasm issue, don't worry about it. If you're doing exactly what he likes then you really shouldn't feel like you're not "good" or anything.

The same thing happened to me when my girlfriend started performing manual sex on me. She was doing everything perfectly but it took me a bunch of times before I actually started having an orgasm. I orgasm pretty much everytime now (with exceptions of course). I just had to get used to it (this may be the case even if he's received manual sex from other girls as well). Make sure its not a focus of either of you though. Trying to orgasm is actually an inhibitor of having an orgasm, and that was a huge part of why i couldn't.

In conclusion, its not you. Just give it some time and see what happens. And remember, there's more to sex than just an orgasm.

Hope everything works out

Eat, drink, and be merry

For tomorrow we die


Posts: 63 | From: U.S.A. | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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