Well as you said, not all women will experience pain the first time they have sex. If you do make sure you are ready for intercourse, if you engage in plenty of foreplays to get you really aroused before attempting intercourse, if you have a great caring partner who is willing to go slow and readjust or stop if you feel any pain/discomfort, if you are relaxed and not worried or tensed, if you are using lubricant, chances are you are far less likely to experience pain or discomfort.
But, really, from what you've told us here, in part because you said you were extremely afraid of the pain, it seems you might not be quite 100 % for intercourse yet and you know, that's alright. There's no rush, intercourse isn't all there is. If you have any doubt you might be ready, then it might be best to wait.
I'd suggest having a talk with your partner, telling him that you not having intercourse with him is not about him but more about you simply not being quite ready for it yet. A great caring partner should understand that and be willing to wait for you until you're 100 % ready.
Obviously, from the responses on this thread, pain levels are different from woman to woman. For me, first-time sex was definitely uncomfortable, but not exactly painful. Honestly, I was a little disappointed in how unexciting it was for me, both physically and emotionally. It was neither terrible and painful nor amazing and pleasurable. It was just kind of....blah. And emotionally, I expected to feel...different somehow. More mature, like I'd gone through some rite of passage, closer to the guy I'd slept with, or even feel dirty, slutty, or regretful. I didn't feel any of that. I was just kind of like "Is that it? I don't see the big deal." Now that I've had better sex, both on the physical and emotional level, I do understand what the "big deal" is, but at the time, sex seemed so...anti-climactic, no pun intended.
Granted, I never put much importance on my virginity and when I lost it, I did so just because I kind of wanted to get it over and done with. I know that people often warn against that, but I have no regrets.
-------------------- "America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between." -Oscar Wilde Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007
| IP: Logged |
I was MUCH like you, BNT041404, in the way that you say it "doesn't work" each time you try, and that you're afriad of the pain, cannot use tampons, etc. [Although as of recently, I can finally use tampons...hooray! ]
Finally after about 5 billion attempts it felt like...I don't know. It just worked. I bled a lot...A LOT...the first time and it hurt pretty badly. Plus I cried and was shaking...yada ya ya...
Now we are able to have sex comfortably, although we always have to start off slowly. We use lots of artificial lube [Astro Glide is by far our favorite!] And sometimes, I just gotta talk my way through it. I'm not uncomfortable with him by any means. I love him more than anything in the world, and I'm sure he's "the one." I'm just terribly afraid of the PAIN, regardless of the fact that I have lost my virginity already.
It's just different for everyone, like all these other girls have said. But I'm a lot like you, it sounds like to me, so I promise it won't always be that way. Good luck.
Posts: 104 | From: College | Registered: Oct 2007
| IP: Logged |
Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998
Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.