posted
i was a dancer for 16 years so i assume my hymed has been torn but im also a tiny girl so im really scared that losing my virginity will hurt. some people say it hurts really bad and some say it didnt at all. im also scared to bleed- do you always bleed? bc that would be emberassing
Posts: 2 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Just as you said, first time sex will hurt for some, and others will find that it simply didn't hurt at all. As I said in your other post, having a "tiny vagina" has nothing to do with whether or not it will hurt for you. No, people do not always bleed. However, if you are comfortable with your partner (which is key in a healthy sexual relationship), bleeding should not be embarassing.
Posts: 169 | From: Phoenix, AZ | Registered: Jun 2004
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posted
I was 17 when I lost my virginity, and it didn't hurt me at all. I am not athletic (unless you count marching band), and I don't masturbate. It wasn't the best experience I ever had, but that's usually the story when it's your first time.
Posts: 76 | From: NC, USA | Registered: Apr 2003
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posted
I lost my virginity a few months ago actually, and I'm a small girl too. I was in dance for a few years before that, I was also sure my hymen was broken before too because I masturbated with toys. But still, when I first had sex, if you're scared, just ask them to be gentle It hurt when he first entered, but afterwards, you'll feel better. I didn't bleed when I first had sex, but I don't think it'll be like mensturating amount.
Posts: 68 | Registered: Nov 2003
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posted
I have been dancing for many years and I'm 5'2 and around 100 lbs. When I lost my virginity, it really didn't hurt me all that much. I think a lot of it has to do with your pain threshhold level and how big the guy you're having sex with is. Also, how relaxed you are. As all these people before me said... it all depends and varies from person to person. And not everyone bleeds. From what I know, most girls do bleed a little bit at some point. I didn't bleed much my first time. The second time, I bled a fair amount though. Bleeding isn't abnormal unless it's a large quantity.
------------------ .:*starlet
[This message has been edited by starlet (edited 11-04-2004).]
[This message has been edited by starlet (edited 11-04-2004).]
posted
I'm a runner and I do a lot of stretching, so I had assumed that my hymen would have been at least stretched some. When I had sex the first time, it hurt A LOT at first, but eventually the pain went away during the sex. I didn't bleed or hurt afterwards (that surprised me).
Posts: 20 | Registered: Oct 2004
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posted
don't worry about it. I am also very very tiny. And I have a boyfriend who has above average penis size. When we had sex for the first time, there was some pain, but no bleeding. All I can say, is just take your time. Make sure you are turned on. Because if you are not, it WILL hurt.
Posts: 3 | From: Tomah, WI, USA | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
i have not had sex, but i read somewhere, and have heard from others who have had sex, that you want to be well lubricated. the less friction, the less pain Posts: 2 | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
Hey, I just had sex for the first time about 3 weeks ago, and it sort of hurt at first but once it was in it was fine, it actually felt kind of good. I did not bleed. The main thing that you can do to make sure that it doesn't hurt so much is make sure that you are in to it and that you aren't too nervous, because when you are nervous you are tighter which makes it hurt more. The second time is even better!
Posts: 1 | From: Canada | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
My first time didn't hurt. My boyfriend was more worried about causing me pain than I was about feeling it.
I found that sex didn't really feel like ANYTHING until about a month or a month and a half after I started having sex. It didn't hurt, but I basically felt nothing.
If you're worried, use plenty of lubricant, go slow, and stop of you think it hurts too much. Pain is usually the body's way of telling us something is wrong. You can stop, relax, add some more lubricant, and try again.
Nothing about it should be that embarrassing if you're having sex with someone whom you're comfortable with, which is important anyway.
posted
I am very curious, and have to ask this; why has every dancer that has posted in this thread felt that just by being a dancer their hymen would somehow be stretched? Is it a sort of dancer mythology thing that being a dancer means the hymen is somehow affected?
In most cases, doing the splits all the way should have absolutely NO impact on the hymen. The only way the hymen gets stretched is by something stretching it directly, for example by putting something in the vagina.
I am not asking to be a pill, I am just curious why this seems to be a commonly held belief. Anyone remember where they got that idea?
posted
I'm not a dancer, at least not anymore, but I know that rigorous physical activity can sometimes help in the stretching of the hymen, however, I believe your workout would have to be EXTREMELY, and I use that term very literally, rigorous in order for it to have much impact on the hymen at all.
Posts: 3985 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004
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posted
Actually, Barbarosa, one of my cloesest friends and a longtime colleague is in the process of doing the first ever extensive history of virginity, and has read and found more current and historical information on hymens than anyone any of us know. It's pretty amazing, and exhaustive.
That said, general to very intense physical activity of various types CAN often make a difference with hymenal erosion (though it's hardly limited to dancers), which explains a lot of cultural history wherein peasants were more often, via hymen "tests," found NOT to be virgins by the state of their hymens, rather than sexual activity, and royalty were not.
In addition, puberty itself, and the rising estrogens, do slowly wear away the hymen in many women, so that plenty of women who've had no vaginal penetration can have hymens which are only partial or even completely "worn away" (to the degree they do).
But "stretching" really also isn't the right word to be used here, for a lot of reasons.
Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
There is an another reason losing virginity hurts for some - nerves and fear. I used to be pretty athletic and used tampons for some time so I asume that my hymen went bye bye when I was around 14, but I was shaking and I was really, really, I mean, REALLY scared when I lost it, especially in the 10 minutes before it, and naturally I tightened up. It hurt like hell for the first couple of seconds because of that. Not a good start, hey? I guess it hurts people that much not only because of the hymen but because they tighten up because they expect it to hurt. When one is relaxed and aroused, it shouldn't hurt as much. To me, it was more like oh-let's-get-this-whole-loss-of-virginity-thing-over-with -it-will-hurt-so-I-might-aswell-go-through-with-it-as-soon -as-possible. Don't be like me.
Posts: 105 | From: Australia | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
And the truth is, Crimson, pain is much more likely to be for reasons like that -- lack of full arousal due to worry, anxiety, fear, etc. -- than it is because of an incredibly thin membrane, which in plenty of women, is patrial to begin with and flexible enough it often won't cause pain or discomfort.
Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
i was 15 when i lost my virginity and for me it hurt quite a bit, actually, thats all i remember, was the pain. of course i was 5'3" and 110lbs at the time and he was about 6'2" and 180lbs and he was very um..well endowed. i didnt have sex for a long time after that because i was scared of the pain but when i did start having sex again with my boyfriend, it only hurt the first time and then it didn't so i think it depends on how big the guy is and how many times youve had sex before it stops hurting. i have a friend whos had sex with her boyfriend alot, but it just stopped hurting her.
Posts: 31 | From: White Rock, BC, Canada | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
(Actually, size often has little to do with it. Body size makes no difference, because a 4'10 man can have a larger penis and a 6'4 man a smaller one, and women of ANY body size's vaginal openings and canals are bascially just as flexible when aroused and able to comfortably accomodate *most *penis sizes when theire partners are slow and folks are communicating about depth, etc.
Again, a lot of this comes down to things like arousal, lubrication, feelings of safety, patience, and so forth.)
Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I had sex for the first time last week. I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't hurt - because it did. My hymen was already broken through horseriding and gymnastics and wearing a tampon. I was really worried about how much it would hurt. My boyfriend is quite big, and it was the stretching of my pc muscles that caused the pain. We had to keep stopping coz it hurt to much, my boyf was really good about it. Bled a little after it too, wasn't embarrassing tho, just said to him "You made me bleed, you git", he was apologetic but didnt mind.
Was sore for a couple of days after. Looking back tho, the pain wasn't completely unbearable, and i'm sure everyone is different.
And from this experience i have learnt that even with the pain it can be an enjoyable experience if your with the right guy. Don't worry about first time sex, if your having doubts- you shouldnt do it, your not ready. When you are ready, youll just know, it will feel right. Don't let yourself be pressured into sex, because he want you to, or coz all your friends are doing it. Having sex with a guy wont cement your relationship, or make you stronger. Make sure you do it the first time with a guy who is with you because he simply wants to be with you, be around you, not coz he's horny any wants sex.
Posts: 1 | From: Exeter, uk | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
The above advice might seem commonsense,but common sense is not very common. Extra advice: Everything above applied to me, but I was afraid that I would never be the same again after I did it, and I was shaking, and so was he, because I was shaking, and I made him sad because I was scared. I was the one to make the first step, and I never seen him naked before that, and he hasn't seen me naked, and I wasn't even comfortable with the idea of touhing someone else's genitalia with my hands(not talking about oral sex). He comforted me and left the room for some time to give me space to think, but we ended up doing it anyway. Don't be like me. If you're scared or uncomfortable, say no straight away. If you start feeling like a cocktease and think that you're obligated to finish what you started (like me), slap yourself on the face mentally and say what you feel like saying. DO NOT BE LIKE ME.
------------------ OH NO! THE CRIMINAL IN CRIMSON IS OUT ON THE LOOSE! Warning: The said individual dresses in a bright red tuxedo and carries a cartoonishly large red pencil. Upon sighting a frowning person the said individual corners them and doodles all over their face. Beware.
Posts: 105 | From: Australia | Registered: Nov 2004
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posted
(Crimson, it takes serious ovaries to post something so personal about one's mistakes or errors, especially about something so personal. I've no doubt others benefit from it: that was very selfless of you.)
Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
my first time was amazing it was the biggest emotional ride i've ever been on... i did bleed a lil and it did hurt but once it got goin it was okay. (it's like that everytime. always hurts a lil at first. just accomidating!) i find that i actually think the pain is sweet... i am deeply in love with my boyfriend, and i could never have given it up to anyone else nor will i ever be with anyone else. it's more of a sensual way of thinking about the pain. making it seem sweet.. or maybe i'm insane but that's how i see it. we both cried our first time (his first first as well) and it just really meant alot. when done with the right person the pain doesn't even matter. Posts: 25 | Registered: Aug 2004
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posted
Well, when I first had intercourse, i had not pain at all (and I am definitely not an athlete). It's different for every woman. My friend said that it did hurt her when she had sex for the first time.
But, oh well. LUCKY ME !
The only pain i have ever experienced was when my cervix kept getting bumped. It's not really painful than uncomfy, but a little communication and acrobatal adjustment remedied the problem.
[This message has been edited by Shann2002 (edited 11-20-2004).]
Posts: 127 | From: Da Dirty South | Registered: Sep 2002
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posted
Just like the rest of the people said sometimes it hurts and for some it does not. For me my first time did hurt to the point which brought tears. It hurts when the guy is trying to open you up as a saying but as soon as he is in the pain seem to go away. It may hurt even after the first time it hurt for me until the third time then i relaxed and he relaxed and everything went up hill from that. But my advice to you is don't do anything until you are sure you are ready because haveing sex is a very big step.
Posts: 63 | From: SouthCarolina | Registered: Apr 2002
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posted
First of all: are you fully aroused and relaxed before trying penetration, and are you using lots of lube? Those are essentials.
If you are, and you're still getting this amount of pain, then it's time to consult a gyno (which you should be doing regularly anyway). It may be that you have an unusually tough hymen which needs to be snipped under local anaesthetic, or that there's some othet physical problem that needs to be dealt with.
posted
It didnt hurt me. And you can trust me on that. I lost it yesterday. I always heard it had hurt and it didn't hurt me at all. It all depends on the person.
And oh yea to the chick that started this topic. I've been a dancer for all my life too. So who knows? That could have something to do with it.
------------------ ~I'll Never Get Tired Of The Taste Of Your Mouth~
-Allyson!!
Posts: 5 | From: North Carolina | Registered: Dec 2004
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posted
Hi, I'm a guy who is fairly experienced sexually. However, my current girlfriend, who I have plans to marry, is a virgin. We've tried sex but she winces in pain and says it hurts too badly. Also, her legs are involuntarily pushing me out as a reflex to the pain. Please give me some advice as you seem to have a great wealth of information on this subject.
Posts: 2 | From: Montgomery, AL, USA | Registered: Jan 2005
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get BOTH water-based lube and condoms. the lube eases penetration. Astroglide is great. KY liquid is easy to find. drug stores stock lube next to the condoms. also, spend plenty of time making her comfortable and sexually aroused, otherwise, she's just going to tense up again.
posted
Me & my boyfiend spent all of last friday night & saturday morning together and it was the closed I'd been to a guy before and vise versa, and we really felt comfortable with each other and got really turned on. And since then we've decided to lose it to each other next time we're alone like that. But I'm really scared incase it'll hurt and I'll bleed, he's not like presurising me into it or anything because hes sayin that it might hurt me and he doesnt want to hurt me so I've got to be sure I want to do it, which I do but is there anyways I can stop it hurtin as much?
Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
i lost my virginity when i was 15 (now 21) and to be honest, it didnt exactly hurt, it just felt like a burning sensation.
all my mates told me that i would bleed but i didnt at all
the first few times me and my partner did it it did sting a little but after that it didnt hurt at all.
i think it hurt so much the first time because i was tensing up alot and that didnt help and also the fact that we didnt use any lubricant (which you shouldnt have to use anyway) because if your aroused enough it should be okay
hope this info helps
Posts: 1 | From: nottinghamshire, england | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
My first time did hurt, but it wasn't a whole lot. Getting a bad scratch hurts more. I thought it would be a lot worse for me, as I've been told I am very small down there and I still had alot of physoclogical hang ups about sex. The pain was more just uncomfortable, but it was enough so that we had to keep trying for a little while before having full on intercourse, but once I overcame it was pretty much gone for good. And sex proved to be well worth the work I'd put into overcoming the pain...both in pleasure and in intamcy.
Most of the pain just comes from being nervous about it, and not being aroused enough.
Oddly enough I didn't bleed until almost three months after I first started having sex. Not sure why that was, I'd never heard of that before, but we didn't think much on it.
quote:Originally posted by kmarie: i think it hurt so much the first time because i was tensing up alot and that didnt help and also the fact that we didnt use any lubricant (which you shouldnt have to use anyway) because if your aroused enough it should be okay
While the vagina can produce enough lubrication to facilitate painless intercourse, it does not produce enough to use a condom safely, without significant risk of tearing. As condoms are an important part of STD protection, lube is absolutely necessary even when a woman is fully aroused. Furthermore, the amount of lubrication that a woman produces varies all the time, depending on the woman, the time in her cycle etc. It is possible for a woman to feel very aroused, but to still want a little lube to make any sort of penetration more comfortable.
posted
I lost my virginity about a week ago to my wonderful boyfriend. We have been dating for about 7 months and we know how each other respond to certain things, which makes sex a lot easier. Communication is a very good thing. My first time hurt because I was not turned on enough. We had to stop and go the whole time. After discovering on this site that being turned on helped, my second time was A WHOLE LOT BETTER. It was amazing. I also bled a little too, which was not embarassing because my boyfriend understood. In fact, I think he kinda wanted to "pop my cherry." I guess the main thing is being fully aroused, for me having an orgasm before helps even more.
Posts: 25 | Registered: Jul 2005
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posted
it didnt hurt that bad for me. there was some moderate pain for about 5 seconds, then i was ok
Posts: 74 | From: New York | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I was not that worried about my first time until I read this thread, and now I'm starting to be very worried. I was planning to do it on Tuesday, however now I'm having second thoughts if there is much pain that goes along with it. Also, I didn't buy lube and it sounds like that is pretty necessary to limit the pain, so I should probably get that first, right?
Posts: 22 | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Check this out, it'll be of help to you in knowing what you need to be prepared, and what you should evaluate to really determine your own preparedness: Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist.
And remember: you always get to change your mind. If getting more in touch with the reality of this stuff makes you feel like maybe Tuesday is too soon for you, or like you'd like more time to consider evrything, that should NEVER be a problem with a partner.
Posts: 63244 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000
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posted
I'm of small build, and trust me, that has virtually no effect on sex. Well, unless you're with somebody who's 7ft tall and 400 pounds, but I think that would be awkward for most people..(Big differences in height tend to make even kissing awkward, don't they?)
Anyway, if you're actually ready(calm, aroused, etc) it doesn't really hurt. It may feel strange or a little uncomfortable, but pain shouldn't really be a problem.
I only felt a little discomfort, and I didn't bleed at all.
I've always been physically active (climbing trees, dancing, playing Dance Dance Revolution, running, etc) , so I'm partially convinced that being in shape and healthy helps out when it comes to sex.
posted
I waited until just a couple months ago to lose my virginity [I'm 18], and it didn't hurt at all. My boyfriend is pretty well-endowed also. However, I did bleed quite a bit, and it stung the first time I peed afterwards. Trust me, though, I had the same worry you did, and everything turned out perfectly fine.
Posts: 6 | From: Onalaska, Wisconsin, US | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Just relax...don't be nervous just take it REALLY Slow. If you are nervous about any other components of having sex and losing your virginity go to sexetc.org and ask other people what it was like for them...SO MANY people will talk to yoU!
quote:Originally posted by ana: i was a dancer for 16 years so i assume my hymed has been torn but im also a tiny girl so im really scared that losing my virginity will hurt. some people say it hurts really bad and some say it didnt at all. im also scared to bleed- do you always bleed? bc that would be emberassing
posted
Well, I suppose I must say the same as everyone else - it'll hurt for some people, but not for others.
The first time I had sex it hurt quite a bit, but I mostly chalk it up to nerves - even though I was certainly in the mood, I was still nervous about it. I bled a bit the first time, and a bit more after the second, though I had been expecting that so I wasn't worried.
posted
I think that the only reason I had a "good" first time is because my boyfriend and I didn't let every little thing be a big deal. There were a lot of things that could have made it a bad experience had we allowed them.
I didn't have any pain...at least not the kind of pain you are thinking of. My boyfriend has pretty bony hips and the next day there were a couple painful bruises on my inner thighs. Boy needs to eat more I tell ya. I still get those bruises sometimes if I don't watch what he's doing with those pointy little hips.
I actually think my boyfriend was in more pain than I was though. You see at that point in his life he was sleeping on an air matress on the floor, not having a real bed or frame. If you have ever slept on an air matress you will know of course that if it loses even a small amount of air then when you roll too close to the edge the side you are on will deflate a little and the other side will take the extra air and you will make a sort of ramp out of the thing. Well, I'm sure you can guess that what I just described happened and he was closest to the edge, and he rolled right off that thing and smacked his head on the edge of his dresser which was next to the "bed". (he would never admit that any such thing happened)
But thankfully we are both a little too light hearted to allow a silly thing like that to bother us. I think that bleeding a little is in the same catagory.
Posts: 50 | From: Alberta Canada | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Although I have not lost my virginity, I don't really see the point in worrying about it. I intend to do lots of foreplay, use lots of lubrication, take it slow and steady and laugh at myself!
Posts: 6 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
Im afraid to lose my virginity. Does it hurt? will i bleed ? will it burn? How does it feel? What do i need to know?
Posts: 1 | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
For me it took 3 seperate attempts but once you get over the shock that it may hurt you just go through with it then the pain subsides as he rows in and out of you. And like most others it really feels like nothing. But actually the bigger the guy's penis is the more painful I find it so I dunno what this whole huge penis craze is about
Posts: 6 | From: P.G. County, Maryland, USA | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
I lost my virginity a month ago. I was really nervous the first time but it only hurt a little bit going in. My b/f is not very big, 5", so maybe that made it better. Posts: 7 | From: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
When I lost my virginity, I didn't have a hymen to speak of, but I've always been hypersensitive. I don't use tampons because they hurt me too much. But I'd been sexually involved with my boy for almost two years, and we'd done most other things. We toook it really slow, with lots of foreplay.
It did hurt at first, and it was also sort of shocking. I'd never felt anything like it before. It helped me for him to not move for a little while, so that I could get used to the feeling.
Nerves make it worse--you get all clenched up. relax, and lose it to someone you feel safe with. It's not that big of a deal, really.
Posts: 31 | From: Illinois | Registered: Feb 2006
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posted
ive tried several times with my boyfriend... but it REALLY hurts and I cant handle it for very long. it doesnt seem to matter how aroused or relaxed i am or how much lube we use. it just hurts. we've decided just to give it up for now and do other things instead.
Posts: 69 | From: NC, US | Registered: Feb 2006
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