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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » very confused

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Author Topic: very confused
StiNgeR123
Neophyte
Member # 8040

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hey
im just lost i tryed to get my head around it but it just aint happening.
when im with a chick i dont get turned on unless she actually starts stroking or touching me, like the kissing and rolling around doesnt turn me on, is that ok? and wheneva i am erect, its really hard for me to put a condom on because my penis loses interest nearly straight away! it is really frustrating becuz it makes me look like a loser! i duno what to do! i practisse and same problem *sigh* it is sooo annoying i cant stand it!
and i just got a new gf, who is everything that is better then me and i dont want this to happen when we get to that stage, i just duno what to do :|
cheers

Posts: 8 | From: Newcastle | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dzuunmod
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Penises almost never work exactly like you want them to, isn't that the way?

I've had this problem, too, but not to the extent that you describe. How old are you? How sexually experienced are you? These things can be important factors. If you haven't had much experience, it could just be nerves causing you to go soft.

Have you read this article about erectile dysfunction yet?

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Gumdrop Girl
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Stinger, it's not you've got a real physical problem, it's that you're nervous. Being nervous is common, but it's a sure-fire weenie-wilter. I know this is harder than it sounds, but you really need to relax so maintain an erection. The part of your nervous system that controls relaxation is the same that controls erection. And while you might not feel like you're nervous since you're really turned on and all, sometimes your mind doesn't differentiate between nervousness and excitement. Unfortunately, being over-excited can also cause your penis to go flaccid.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StiNgeR123
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well if you didnt see in the last quote i am 19, so you saying its just in my head, and i shoudl relax as much as possible? i dont want to go to a physcologist or anything cuz i like cant afford it hey.
so you dont think i shoudl go to the doctor?

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Gumdrop Girl
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no, you don't need to see a therapist. It doesn't matter if your'e 19 or 91, you can still get nervous. all you need to do is chill. you do not need drugs, and you're not likely to need a doctor for this.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StiNgeR123
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so what should i do if it happens again? and another downer is my stamina is not good, in meaning i am very shiet in bed, now how am i suposed to have a good sex life with that? i mean u know how chicks are, if guys arent up to there standards there not good. *SigH* its hard tryna get you head around this stuff
thanx

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Perky_Princesa
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HEY! My thing is your problem is you keep stressin over it! DON'T think about it. As someone said before (just in different words) your tools don't work how you want them to. Don't concentrate so hard on- well getting/staying so hard. Then you myte jus be fine. Hope u find out wut u need.
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logic_grrl
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quote:
in meaning i am very shiet in bed, now how am i suposed to have a good sex life with that?

Actually, most young guys reach orgasm pretty quickly during intercourse. That's totally normal, and doesn't need to be a problem as long as you remember that intercourse ain't the whole deal.

In fact, most women can't reach orgasm from intercourse alone anyway, no matter how long it lasts.

quote:
u know how chicks are, if guys arent up to there standards there not good.

You know what? Chicks are human beings too. Most of them are as worried about you judging them as you are about them judging you.

And sex shouldn't be about anyone having to "perform" or meet someone else's standards.


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ladydexter
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It's pretty much what everyone's said - relax a little, and it'll probably fix it.

As for coming quickly, men do. My partner does, I have yet to orgasm during intercourse, and it's fine. I read somewhere a while ago that it takes a man about three minutes to orgasm and a woman about twenty, (this was several years ago, mind, but it's probably fitting), so don't worry about it. If you want her to orgasm too, there's nothing wrong with a little manual or oral (provided it's safe, of course!) to get her there.

As for us having "standards" - well, I certainly don't. I just like to be close with my partner. Neither of us judges each other. Sex isn't the be all and end all - like, if you aren't mind-blowing in bed, the relationship's over - or it shouldn't be, at least.


Posts: 336 | From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
StiNgeR123
Neophyte
Member # 8040

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ok, thanx for the advice,it has helped rather alot makes me feel a lil more normal in this world, i think ill donate to you guys cuz uv actually helped me quite alot
cheers

Posts: 8 | From: Newcastle | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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