i flat out told him, i'm not going to get off from sex and that most women don't.
Well, that's certainly true if by sex you mean "intercourse alone".
It's always a good idea to remember that sex can mean a lot more than just intercourse ...
We have a fabulous article, Sexual Response and Orgasm – A User’s Guide, which the two of you could read and discuss together - I think you'll find it very helpful.
He’s fingering me and I like it but it just doesn’t happen, and thats usually how i get myself to oragasm.
If you know how to reach orgasm on your own, maybe you could show him what works best for you and/or guide his hand.
But often, feeling pressure to have an orgasm, or worrying about whether or not you're going to have an orgasm, can prevent orgasm all by itself!
So it sounds like it's going to be important to explain to him that orgasm isn't the only "goal" of sex, and that you can have a great time even if you don't have an orgasm on that particular occasion.
He seems to think it should be like in the movies, screaming, back scratching and all.
Yup, a lot of people make that mistake. That's how the movies always show "good sex", so we assume that that's what it's "supposed" to be like.
But life ain't like the movies ....
And actually, really good sex can involve talking, giggling, being awkward, making mistakes, peculiar noises, and trying not to fall off the edge of the bed .
Having realistic expectations can take the pressure off and ensure that everyone has much more fun .