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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » having problems

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Author Topic: having problems
lavie17
Neophyte
Member # 14220

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Me and my bf have had sex, and hes been frustrated because i don't get off. Last night during sex i flat out told him, i'm not going to get off from sex and that most women don't. He asked me what he could do to help, i told him i wasn't sure there was anything else he could do. He’s fingering me and I like it but it just doesn’t happen, and thats usually how i get myself to oragasm. And i hate the idea of oral. I tried explaining being with him is more than enough for me, but now he feels he is useless, and sucks in bed. He seems to think it should be like in the movies, screaming, back scratching and all. And us during sex is oppisite, we talk and stuff. How can i explain to him its not just him its me, and help him feel better about himself?
Posts: 13 | From: col | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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quote:
i flat out told him, i'm not going to get off from sex and that most women don't.

Well, that's certainly true if by sex you mean "intercourse alone".

It's always a good idea to remember that sex can mean a lot more than just intercourse ...

We have a fabulous article, Sexual Response and Orgasm – A User’s Guide, which the two of you could read and discuss together - I think you'll find it very helpful.

quote:
He’s fingering me and I like it but it just doesn’t happen, and thats usually how i get myself to oragasm.

If you know how to reach orgasm on your own, maybe you could show him what works best for you and/or guide his hand.

But often, feeling pressure to have an orgasm, or worrying about whether or not you're going to have an orgasm, can prevent orgasm all by itself!

So it sounds like it's going to be important to explain to him that orgasm isn't the only "goal" of sex, and that you can have a great time even if you don't have an orgasm on that particular occasion.

quote:
He seems to think it should be like in the movies, screaming, back scratching and all.

Yup, a lot of people make that mistake. That's how the movies always show "good sex", so we assume that that's what it's "supposed" to be like.

But life ain't like the movies ....

And actually, really good sex can involve talking, giggling, being awkward, making mistakes, peculiar noises, and trying not to fall off the edge of the bed .

Having realistic expectations can take the pressure off and ensure that everyone has much more fun .


Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Izzybella6
Activist
Member # 9724

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i was wondering why you feel the way you do about oral sex? PLEASE don't do anything you are not comfortable with, but i was just curious because it sounds like you have a major aversion to it and i'm curious why...
Posts: 56 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
doe4youbaby2
Neophyte
Member # 5251

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With the oral sex, I was always yucked out about it until I tried it, I actually enjoy both giving and recieving oral sex. Its fun to experiment and try new things.
Posts: 5 | From: nj | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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