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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Can't ejaculate.

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Author Topic: Can't ejaculate.
Matt420
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Member # 14185

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Hey, I'm a 16 year old male and I've been with 3 girls and I could not orgasm to any of them. When I masturbate, I can ejaculate just fine, but when it comes to the actual thing, I can't.

Its frustrating and I have to tell them I'm done when I'm really not. I get erect, I maintain the erection and have sex. I go about 30 minutes before it goes flacid, and I don't even orgasm.

Ya'll need to help me..lol..please..
;-)

-Matt

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This is my life
Its not what it was before
All these feelings I've shared
These are my dreams..


Posts: 1 | From: katy, tx, usa | Registered: Jul 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Lying to partners = bad news.

Why are you lying? Why not just be honest and say you ARE done, in terms of ejaculation isn't going to happen, and you're flaccid, so you give it up for a day, or carry on with sexual activities they may still want to engage in that don't require an erect penis. Not only is the fibbing a crap thing to bring into your sexual partnerships, the stress of that isn't going to be helping you any.

Men don't ejaculate all the time. And it's not uncommon for men to take a while to get comfy enough with partners to be able to orgasm and/or ejaculate with them. You might find it helpful to bring other sexual activities besides intercourse into your sexual interchanges, as well as taking the pressure off yourself: orgasm isn't required for anyone, and sometimes it doesn't happen with sex, which is fine -- that isn't all sex is for. Thinking of orgasm as what "finishes" a sex act just isn't a very holistic approach to sexuality.

You may also find that orgasm comes less easily, or not at all, with partners you haven't been with for a long enough time to really feel comfortable with.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sem1o1
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I totally understand where youíre coming from because Iím in the same exact situation. Iíve only been with my current girlfriend so I canít really compare to others girls, but when it comes to any sexual act with her sheís the only one getting to enjoy orgasms. I read a lot about how itís supposed to be psychological. Iíve been with my girl for about 6 months whenever we do have sex I donít even slightly expect I might climax this time. Iím become content in just going as long as she enjoys it, in what ever sexual activity we may be doing. Maybe one day in a year or two it might come, you never know. I donít worry about it so much any more.

P.S. Maybe guys like us are paying for the sins of all the quick to finish men out there who didnít take the time to please their girls.


Posts: 9 | From: California | Registered: Oct 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brisk10
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I was looking for information on the same thing because this is exactly what i experience with my girlfriend and i dont understand it...it is very frustrating because everyone i talk to like friends and such say they can fairly easily...i was hoping it would not be a problem during sex but last night was the first time we did for both of us and i virtually had no stimulation really...its still frustrating but its also good to know there are other people experiencing the same thing...if there's any tips or info anyone can give please do
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Heather
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You're not going to find any general "tips" about this, because it's a very individual thing and yes, in most cases it IS psychological, especially if you can ejaculate when masturbating or via other sexual activities.

If you CANNOT, then see your doctor.

But if you can, it could be a few things.

1) Intercourse, like any sexual activity, is not pleasing or enjoyable nor does it induce orgasm for all people. Some men may just find other activities more arousing and physically stimulating. Since most women don't orgasm from intercourse alone either, you're hardly alone in that. So, it may be that you need to experiement with your partner with other forms of stimulus for you before, after or during intercourse.

2) It may be an issue of just not being able to "let go" yet with intercourse in terms of orgasm. That's not the rarest thing in the world. For some men, it just takes some time, some relaxation, alleviating stressors (like pregnancy or STI concerns, like relationship or intimacy issues, like worries about performance, etc.) for them to really feel comfortably emotionally and psychologically letting that happen. That may be weeks, it may be years, and it's okay.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sem1o1
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Ms Scarlet is usually right because itís actually I showing some potential for pleasure with my girlfriend. Iíve always been able to climax on my own and assumed it would come even easier with my girl friend, but it didnít. Turns out I actually needed to take the time to explain to my girlfriend what feels good for me. Itís been tougher then it sounds cause what I do to myself always seem to come so naturally. After a good long ďlessonĒ she managed to induce the initial hints of an impending orgasm before she tired out. Even though it was through oral means its still give me hope that that sort of learning experience will be able to translate to our other activities. Good luck you guys.
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silentbob87
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Member # 22012

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I know this topic is old, but I just found it today. I have been having this same problem for awhile now. I'm 17 years old and my current girlfriend and I have been dating for 10 months now. I used to tell my girlfriend that I was done when I really wasn't, but we've gotten past that because she can get me to ejaculate now. However, it takes me a really long time, whether it's a handy or head. It usually takes me around 15 minutes, with a handy taking a little less time. Recently she was giving me head for around 20 minutes and I wasn't even close to ejaculating. She thinks I'm not attracted to her anymore but I am.

I am thinking that it takes me a long time because I have masturbated before, and I've looked at porn too. Could this be the case? I can get myself to ejactulate quickly when I'm masturbating, but it always takes a long time when she does it. I've read that I need to be relaxed and everything during it, but I think I am. Do I have a problem? Any suggetsions would be greatly appreciated.


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N
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Member # 20990

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I never orgasm when masturbating. My girlfriend can sometimes (less than half the time) give me an orgasm after over 20 minutes of direct stimulation, and that's after fooling around for an hour or more.
I often find myself in the position of feeling very aroused and close to orgasm for a long time without ever coming.

I'm trying to get a referral to a doctor who has a clue, since this seems suspiciously like it could be a medical issue. :-( But if anyone knows anything, it might help.


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silentbob87
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I, too, have been debating about whether I should see a doctor or not because of this because I think it may be a medical problem. My girlfriend can usually get me to orgasm most of the time, but like I said it's a good 15 or 20 minutes before it happens. If you do hear something from a doctor please post what the problem is, if that's what it ends up being.
Posts: 9 | Registered: Feb 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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