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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Ideal age to have sex

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Author Topic: Ideal age to have sex
bhsws
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Hi! I was just wondering what everone's input on this is. What age, do you think, is the ideal time to have sex. I mean, what age do you think is to young to have sex, when is just right, etc, stuff like that. Thanks!
Posts: 6 | From: Ft. Worth, Texas, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MarvellousPurple
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I think it varies entirely from person to person--some might be ready to have sex at 15, some might not be ready until 25. Saying that there's an age when everyone should be having sex, or that there's an age that's best for everyone would be making one of those generalizations no one likes.

So, really, I can't say what the "ideal" age is for anyone but myself. If you're looking for that sort of input, there are quite a few "when was your first time?" threads floating around.

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"...and so, son, that's how babies are made!"
"But Dad, what about the machinery?"
"We'll get to that when you're older."
(The Fairly Oddparents)


Posts: 475 | From: Back in Providence, RI | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bhsws
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Thats not exactly what I mean. I meant, for your individual self, not worrying about anyone else here, what age did you feel you could fully handle sex, when did you feel you were ready? I don't mean for this to generalize everyone, just what you feel. Or, if you haven't had sex or anything, and aren't ready, what age are you and why do you consider yourself not ready? Sorry for the misconception. Thanks for your post!

[This message has been edited by bhsws (edited 07-23-2003).]


Posts: 6 | From: Ft. Worth, Texas, USA | Registered: Jun 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
MASKCOLE
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BH, I'm 17 and I don't think I am near ready for sex. I'm waiting for the perfect guy and the perfect time.. and that hasn't come along yet... so... i'm still waiting :-)
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MarvellousPurple
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Ah. Sorry about the misunderstanding and the semi-lecture, BH.

So, I went off and thought about this some and came back with a few conclusions. One, that practically, my sexual readiness has been linked to my partners. By this I mean that I've had boyfriends who I felt awkward french kissing, so I didn't even take sex(of any kind)into consideration. And, since one of the requirements for partnered sex is a partner, it's just something I didn't think about in a practical way, just an "eventually I'll meet a nice boy who I like and we'll have sex!" kind of way.

So eventually I met this nice boy and we had sex. This all happened when I was 17 and ready for it. Looking back, I think I probably could have handled it at 15 or 16, as I was pretty mature (and have been armed to the teeth with Safer Sex knowledge since I was around 11), but just didn't have the right person. However, I must say that being (mostly) independent is a Good Thing. You don't have to have your own place, but it's good to have funds of your own, and a way to get to Wal-Mart to buy condoms and lube without asking your parents for a ride. (Not because you shouldn't tell your parents you're sexually active, because you should, but because I for one can't imagine condom shopping with my mom."Oh, honey, these ribbed ones are really nice. Maybe Derek would like the extra thin ones,your father loves those." Maybe I'm being immature, but yikes.)

Anyway, I've prattled on enough. Next!

------------------
"...and so, son, that's how babies are made!"
"But Dad, what about the machinery?"
"We'll get to that when you're older."
(The Fairly Oddparents)

[This message has been edited by MarvellousPurple (edited 07-23-2003).]


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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Thing is bh, no one can say what the ideal age for them is to have had (I"m assuming you mean) first intercourse, because one can only do it once, and has no way of knowing if the age they did (for those who have heterosexual intercourse at all in their lives) was right or wrong for them or not, because there are so many more factors than age-in-years which make sex feel good or not-so-good.

In other words, for all I know, I could have had consensual intercourse years after I did and that age could have been right as well as the age I did have it at, or earlier and it may not have been right, but I've absolutely no way of knowing that.

And as well, the idea that intercourse is the Big Sex Rite of Passage for everyone or anyone is just not all that accurate to begin with.

There be holes in the logic of this question like swiss cheese, is the thing.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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eray01
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well I think that it definetly depends on the person.
With me. I feel that I was ready and mature enough for sex at 15 or 16, but I had a real strict father and I was really into church and waiting until marriage. Well the older I got, the more stupid I got and when I was 19, I moved out, started dating my boyfriend and had sex with him within a week of dating him. So I obviously was not being mature about it. well thats how i felt.

I was also drunk. I was of course at the time rebelling becuz my dad was way strict and I never had a chance to do anything wrong.. so it was fun to me!!!

But now that I look back.. I wish that we would have waited awhile cuz it has caused us some problems. So it really depends on your own maturity and the situation that you are in. Like I said, I might have been able to handle it at 15 or 16 but I couldnt at 19 so its just confusing.!!!

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eray*


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pix
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i'm 17 right now, and i can tell you that i am not ready for full sexual intercourse. at least not in my current situation.

i've been with a great guy now for almost 7 months. we started sex "play" a couple months ago(manual/oral) and i felt as though i was becoming closer to being ready for intercourse.

i've since thought about it more, and have realized that it is a big thing, and i don't know if i can quite handle it at this point in the relationship, and sometimes, it goes the same for sex "play".

i think that from a maturity and physical standpoint i would be ready to commit myself. when the emotional and moral sides also reach that point, then i believe i will be fully ready.


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Atticus Girl
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Personally I would say after marriage since abstinence is the best way to go. So that's probably around early to mid twenties or so. But if it's prior to marriage then I'd say 18 AT LEAST.
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logic_grrl
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quote:
Personally I would say after marriage since abstinence is the best way to go.

I hope that, as bhsws asked, this is your view on what's right for you, right?

Pre-emptively, let's refrain from generalizations about what's right for everyone (especially since not everyone can - or wants to - get married).


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summergoddess
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Well there's no ideal or set age to have sex because honestly, everybody's ready at their own age.

I've thought about sex since 14. I was ready physically then, but i wasn't emotionally ready. 3 yrs later, I was ready completely naturally (at 17). I have no regrets. I'm now 20, and i still feel mature about it

I've come across people that i know.. Some are still not ready at 20, where as other people were mature and ready at 15 and 16. So just listen and follow your heart. It'll tell you when it's the right time

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~Jules


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logic_grrl
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It's also worth remembering that individual readiness isn't the whole deal.

You might be emotionally ready, for example, but not be in a situation where you have access to birth control (if you're heterosexual) or safer sex supplies.

In which case, you're not ready, no matter how mature you are.

Or you might be ready in every possible respect - but not yet have met someone who you really want to have sex with and who also wants to have sex with you. It takes two to tango, after all , and good partners don't always grow on trees.


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