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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Not fair

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Author Topic: Not fair
Member # 12538

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I dont really think it's fair that this site tells people that you should be able to orgasm from masterbation before having sex or doing other sexual things. I masterbate but it doesnt feel good my hand or anything else just doesnt turn me on enough for it to feel good. my boyfriend will give me oral forever and it doesnt even feel good, just feels like a tongue. We've done everything to my clitoris and its just not senstive at all. Its starting to bother me.
Posts: 280 | From: nowhere | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 168

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If masturbation, manual sex, and oral sex don't feel good, what makes you think that intercourse would? Arousal happens mostly in your brain, so if it's not happening at all with the activities you're engaging in now, it's unlikely to happen with intercourse. Also, you need to be aroused first before you try penetration, or it can hurt and lot and be really uncomfortable.

It's up to you to find out what turns you on. Intercourse is just not a practical way to become aroused. If you really think that penetration would feel that great, go ahead and try it on your own. You have fingers, go ahead and explore with them. But don't be surprised if just penetrating yourself with your fingers doesn't arouse you either. You can try fantasizing before/while you masturbate- if that arouses you, it can make all the difference.

You were never no locomotive, Sunflower, you were a sunflower!
-Allen Ginsberg

Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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I dont really think it's fair that this site tells people that you should be able to orgasm from masterbation before having sex or doing other sexual things.

I don't think this site does say that anywhere!

What it does say in a number of places, though, is that in order to get the most out of sex with a partner, it's important to know what you enjoy and how your body responds.

For example, if you take a look at Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist, there's no item that says "you should be able to orgasm from masturbation".

But it does have this item:

I can tell when I am sexually aroused, and also know when I am not, what I need to be aroused, or when I simply cannot get aroused.

That's not "unfair", it's just good common sense.

From what you've said here, you're not getting anything out of sexual activities either solo or with a partner right now.

Unless you actually have nerve damage, it's very unlikely that your genitals are "just not sensitive at all".

But it is very possible that you haven't yet figured out what you enjoy, or that you're not aroused when you're trying this.

The genitals aren't like a button on a bit of machinery - touching them doesn't automatically produce the same effect regardless of what's going on in your head.

If your genitals are touched and you're not feeling desire or arousal to begin with, it's not going to be pleasurable or sexy at all (which is why gynecological exams aren't any fun ).

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13270

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Some people just really need to look for that 'special place'. Next time you both decide to 'play', try experimenting. Kissing in different spots, ect.
Posts: 142 | From: SD CA USA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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