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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » The Joy of Sex?

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Author Topic: The Joy of Sex?
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's struck me lately that we see a lot of posts around here which either:

Express wanting to reduce pain and discomfort duing sexual activities,
Express wanting to make sex activies "work" or be "functional,"
Express wanting to make things as normal and trouble-free with partners as possible, or
Express wanting, in short, for sex to be effective and efficient.

And it's got me wondering: do each of you feel you deserve a sex life of quality? In other words, not one that simply "works," or doesn't hurt or create pregnancy or disease, but which is enjoyable and pleasurable for you and your partners, physically and emotionally?

I think it's likely a bit hard sometimes to remember that that IS what sex with a partner is supposed to be about, especially when your sex life is in the shadow of a great part of the world telling you you shouldn't be having one at all. But what I have to wonder is this: if it isn't about physical and emotional joy and pleasure and some degree of intimacy (which need not imply long-term committed relationships, but can be found in various models) for you, then what is it about?

And if it isn't about all that, what is the point in engaging in it, really? Is, perhaps, part of sexual readiness that often gets overlooked, a readiness to accept, create and share pleasure and joy? Without that, what are other reasons you or your peers may have to be sexually active?

If, on the other hand, you do feel you deserve these things, how easy or difficult is it for you, as a young adult, to obtain them, to work on them with your partner or yourself, or to talk about them with peers?

I'd be interested in hearing your collective take on this.

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Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
AlwaysWorried
Activist
Member # 8472

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Me and my gf have been talking about having sex lately (we're getting supplies in etc), and we decided that it doesn't matter if we mess it up, as long as it was fun. We don't want it to just be something that we just do, we want it to be something that we enjoy doing, whether we get it right or not.

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Life rocks


Posts: 125 | From: Leicestershire, England | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BeachBabe26
Neophyte
Member # 9189

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Personally, I have sex for the pleasure and the feeling of closeness I get between my partner and myself. I was scared the first time of pain and regretting it, but we talked about it so much that by the time we did, neither existed. Yes, it semi- hurt for a min, but he went really slow and we communicated during the whole act. I must say that my first time was my favorite, (If I have one.) We still talk about everything, but sometimes we have sex simply for the pleasure aspect, but I love when there are a lot of emotions involved.
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West1001
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After having the long awaited "sex talk" with my boyfriend was when I knew I was ready to actually have the sex. I had to make sure he realized that I take sex seriously. Not serious in the sense of not enjoying oneself fully, but to the extent that sex is an emotional thing for me, and the reason I wanted to give myself to him was because I love, and respect him, and I thought that it was time to share that level of intamacy with one another. In my opinion, sex is something very special that two people who love and respect eachother engage in. That's just my opinion. And because of my way of thinking, I feel that the sex we have is spectacular! So I think sex is a very joyous thing to share with eachother. Sex should be about quality not quantity...so Party on!!
Posts: 99 | From: Vancouver, BC, CANADA | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
guitarchick2003
Neophyte
Member # 6298

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I very recently (think 2 days ago) had intercourse for the first time, with my boyfriend, whom I love deeply. We had a fantastic sex life before this, but I felt (finally... we've been together a long time) that we were ready to move even further. I love him so much for never pushing the issue, and for communicating with me and making sure I felt comfortable during our "first encounter." He's been so great to me, and that's what makes sex with him so enjoyable. I also take sex seriously, it's very emotional for me... and in fact didn't think I would have sex before marriage, but sometimes you can't predict your future, and you have to go with what your heart tells you.
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DiamondGirl2K
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Member # 9162

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I completely agree with guitar on the fact that you should go with what your heart tells you and if YOU feel it is what you want then by all means go ahead. Don't let anybody tell you what to do because everyone has different opinions on different things

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DiamondGirl
~N~
Boogie Black
9/27/01
Still Going Strong!!!
Forever and Always!!!


Posts: 137 | From: The Home of The Greatest: NY | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
insatiablesmiles
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i really think this was a great topic to raise, Miz Scarlet, as i have frequently looked at friends or acquaintances of mine, following conversations with them about how dissatisfied they are with their sex lives and thought the same - why do it if you aren't enjoying it?
With some people i know it was easy to know the reason, and one friend even admitted it after she broke up with her boyfriend - she had sex with him because he made her feel wanted and no one else did, despite the fact she said often how little she enjoyed having sex with him.
She complained that she never enjoyed intercourse, although she loved giving him head, and sometimes enjoyed when he performed oral sex on her, but when i suggested they try positions other than 'missionary' which was their staple she refused saying she didn't want him to see her breasts or her belly. for starters - if you're not comfortable with being naked in front of someone, you're clearly not comfortable enough to enjoy having sex with them, definitely not comfortable to 'let go' to the extent that one needs to to -really- enjoy it.
my partner for the past six months has been a friend of mine, we slept with each other because we were attracted to each other, but didn't want a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. we kept sleeping with each other for 6 months [he's now moved to paris] because we enjoyed ourselves. we enjoyed having sex with each other, and we enjoyed spending time with each other.
i've had friends envy me for this arrangement, because it seemed so easy to them, i didn't have to be a girlfriend but i still got to have sex, but i think what some of them really envied was the ease with which i would have sex with the lights on, talk about having sex, let him go down on me [i know girls who are too self-conscious to allow this], and try different positions.

A lot of girls i know have sex for the sake of it. it makes them feel wanted, not because they enjoy having sex with the person they're with. and because they feel they should to be accepted, because of our dear old friend peer pressure.
the only pressure i'm likely to give into is that of my own libido - and even then only with someone who i know i'm going to have a good time with.

-pandora
xxo

-ack, sorry so long!

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- you think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated?
- well come on baby , i'm ready!

[ american beauty ]

http://thebitch.mustbehere.com


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Action Annzy
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I was one of the people who posted once upon a time on sex and whether or not it ever became easier and how come things never went right or fit properly and we never could manage to get in sync.

Well I found out that after communication and practise everything starts to fall into place. I love the act of sex (any type) mainly because I love giving pleasure to my boyfriend, but I love the fact that our bodies are so close and our souls as well.

Sex to me is about being close to someone I love and just enjoying being their with him. I recall a post a while back where there was a discussion on sometimes just wanting to be close to your partner and instead of having sex, just lying there in one another's arms, naked, to achieve this closeness. I think that to be able to feel completely comfortable with your partner in any situation in amazing. And sometimes all I need as well is to lay naked holding my partner and it's way more enjoyable then the act of actually having sex. More satisfying maybe in some way.

I find that the emotional level of sex is what appeals to me also. I feel safe and loved and just warm inside when I'm being held by my bf. Sometimes people have sex for all the wrong reasons or they only see it as the generator for pleasure. When a lot of the time it never turns out to be that at all. Sex if so much deeper then that to me. I think it's amazing, but not just because of the pleasure side of things.

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~*':.,,nnz,,.:'*~

*Wake up to your decisions, delusion creates your own submission*

Live more, Be crazy, And regret nothing.


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Silkcrenshaw
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Member # 9029

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i had my first time last nite at a party... at my bf's house.... it lasted 15 minutes and he didnt get off because i had to go so i wasnt late for my curfew...it was still good and didnt hurt but could he be upset our first time happened so fast? i dont really know if i am or not.... but i dont regret it....just confused.. was that wrong?

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!~SiLk~!


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army_angel13
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I've never had sex(power to virgins). Me and my b/f do talk about it, he even asked me once, but I told him that I wasn't ready for the risks and the consquences. Eventually I will lose my virginity, but not now, I have too much going on in my life at this moment.

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* been there, done that, easy as pie, yummy! *


Posts: 56 | From: St. Paul, MN | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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