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Author Topic: First Time.....
Silkcrenshaw
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Okay, so my bf and i are serious about tryin sex for the first time. Im a virgin but he's not so im expecting he'll know what to do but again this is his first time with me so maybe not.... Basically, i understand the first time can be a little painful and awkward and to be honest i kinda want that...but im kinda of a baby for pain.. especially in my nether regions lol. I was wondering what postion would be the best position for losing my virginity with minimal pain? any other tips as well?

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!~SiLk~!


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confused333
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You might want to take a look at these articles:
First Intercourse 101
Ready or Not? Sex Readiness Checklist
Safe, Sound, and Sexy

------------------
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


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holly8705
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There's really no way to assure you will be pain free. For me, it hurt, but I wasn't even thinking about the pain!lol! Every girl's body is different. My first time (which was in February) we did it with him on top of me. You may be sore afterwards, but in my opinion, it was worth it!!! You should always practice safe sex too, to prevent any STD's or STI's. After my first time, it hurt worse up until we had done it for a while. Just be careful, and its not about who knows what to do, it may hurt real bad for you, and it may not, you never can tell with different people!!

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~Holly~

Never frown even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile!!!


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DarlingBri
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First Intercourse 101

I think all your questions will be answered there. If not, come back and post in this thread again, OK?

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Hope this helps,
--Bri


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Silkcrenshaw
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Thanx so much I think i'm all good to go now! The article really helped and he is amazing to talk too as well so im feeling less nervous.... thanx again!

p.s if u have n e tips tho on how to make as easy as possible lemme know I also heard that being fingered with two fingers doesnt make sex hurt as much when u get to it.. is this true?

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!~SiLk~!


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ErinK
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It depends on when the fingering is taking place.

If you have manual sex on Tuesday and have sex on Friday, it isn't going to do much of anything -- the vagina is an elastic tube, and will go right back to the way it was before -- there's no magic way to make someone "loose" and keep them that way.

However, if you include manual sex as part of foreplay for PIV sex, then you'll likely be more aroused (if you enjoy it) and being aroused and relaxed definitely makes sex more enjoyable.

Erin


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logic_grrl
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What's true that if you have an intact hymen, it's possible to gradually stretch it (not the same as stretching the vagina) with the fingers (unless it's very very tough in which case a doctor may need to snip it).

However, this won't prevent pain from any of the other possible causes (tension, lack of arousal, insufficient lubrication, etc.).


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Silkcrenshaw
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I don't know if I have my hymen.... one night my bf did finger me for the first time w/ two fingers and a little later i was hurting a bit and i bled for about a day.... Does this mean i already "popped my cherry"? ther was no pain inside... just around the opening a bit and i only felt it afterwards.

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!~SiLk~!


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Ashy
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Slang like "cherry popping" is confusing because it can mean a lot of things to different people. You could have bled because your hymen was stretched or torn.
Please read these articles to learn more:
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides
Pink Parts – Female Sexual Anatomy
First Intercourse 101

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Silkcrenshaw
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okay... so not using that term but do you think he broke my hymen? Is there anyway I can tell or my doctor can tell? as i said it hurt a little bit afterwards and i bled for about a day even though i didnt have my period...Plus i have also decided that since I am going to become sexually active that i want to discuss certain things with my doctor..... is there anything that i should mention while there?

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!~SiLk~!


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confused333
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It is possible he broke your hymen or like Ashy said stretched it.

When you go to the doctor you can discuss anything with him, anything you want to ask or are wondering about.

------------------
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies??

Friends are like condoms, they help out when things get hard.


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Silkcrenshaw
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Alrite... today i bought lubricant... K-Y Liquid... is this stuff any good? and ummmm how do i bring it in to the picture? someone told me that using lubricant especially alot on the first time makes it much better... is this true?

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!~SiLk~!


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logic_grrl
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If you want to know if your hymen's intact or has been broken, eroded or stretched, why not grab a hand mirror and have a look and feel for yourself?

Pink Parts – Female Sexual Anatomy might come in handy, too .

It's possible that the pain and bleeding could have been caused by your hymen breaking, but it's also easy for the vagina to get scratched or nicked by fingernails. So really the easiest way to check out the state of your hymen is to take a look.


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Ashy
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Sex Basics & Sexual Health FAQ has a thread about talking about sex with your partner.

You could tell your partner the same thing you told us! "Hey, I heard that lube will make things more fun for both of us. Wanna try?" Lubrication is important during sex because it reduces friction that can cause pain or tearing during sex.

Please read these articles if you haven't already done so:
First Intercourse 101 Safe, Sound & Sexy – A Safer Sex How-To


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logic_grrl
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K-Y Liquid is a water-based lubricant, right?

Different people have different preferences when it comes to lube, just like anything else - check out the Safer Sex & Birth Control FAQ for different opinions.

You "bring it into the picture" by putting it anywhere where "wet and slippery" sounds more fun than "dry and rough" - your vagina and vulva, the outside of the condom once he's put it on, whatever . You can also put a drop inside the tip of the condom ( A Simple Condom Primer ).

And yup, using lots of water-based lube makes almost any sexual activity better - it's great stuff!


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Silkcrenshaw
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yup its definatly water based... and it says it is compatible with latex condoms which brings me to one last thing( i know i have many questions but it is the first time ) wut brand of condoms are the best? I know my bf keeps condoms in his bedside drawer because he told me so but i dont know wut kind they are and im goin 2 mention this to him as soon as i can find out the best brand... like no studded or n e thing...juss plain condoms that are reliable(well as much as they are) and not think or anything.. i heard that Trojan's are bad??? any advice would be much appreaciated since the big night is coming up

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!~SiLk~!


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logic_grrl
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Check out Safer Sex & Birth Control for all the threads on different types of condoms you could possible want .

And yup, lots of people find Trojans seem to break more easily, so people here generally don't recommend them.


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Silkcrenshaw
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alrite thanx! im sooo anxious about the big night! if he has trojans tho... should i juss say "i heard this 'brand' of condoms is better" ? and send him out to buy more? or should i juss buy them and bring them that night and convince him to use them?

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!~SiLk~!


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logic_grrl
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Hey, why not discuss it in advance? Getting together supplies like condoms and lube (The Readiness Checklist has info on everything you might need) can be part of planning for the "big night". Discussing it all in advance can be a great way to make sure you're communicating and hopefully soothe your nerves a bit .

Try not to make the "big night" too much of a deadline, though - intercourse doesn't always work out great first time round. It's okay to take your time and postpone it for another night if that happens, instead of putting pressure on yourself and him to "get it over with" just because that's when you've said you'll do it.


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Silkcrenshaw
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good point... i understand that it make take a few trys and both of us are willing to stick that out so that we are both comfortable and happy im not thinking of it as a deadline.... im thinking of it as finally getting to experience something new with someone i really love. i have to admit its exciting.. and not in that horny way.. its the emtional part i really like although im sure ill enjoy all of it

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!~SiLk~!


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Silkcrenshaw
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okay... forgot one thing! lol we have plans to use condoms but i want something else.... wut can you use w/ them that would be available to me at this time... i am 16 in case that makes a difference...

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!~SiLk~!


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logic_grrl
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Good for you for planning to use a secondary method of birth control as well as condoms .

Margaret Sanger’s Disneyland will give you the info on all the different methods of birth control.

And Sex Basics & Sexual Health FAQ has lots of links to threads on how to choose the right method for you and get hold of it.


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Silkcrenshaw
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Everything was going great... but today he mantioned that he doesnt really know if he wants to... now im confused because a 10 minutes before he was saying how he couldnt wait and all... why the change of heart? it kinda hurt me because ive finally realized that i am ready and that i want to share this with him...could he all of a sudden chaneg his midn about me? we've been awesome up to this point...or is just scared of wut could happen after...meaning a a very big commitment on his part. i want him committed to me but i go day by day and dont think "okay so next year when we're doing this" because you never know right? should i tell him that right now i love being with him and right now is all that matters?

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!~SiLk~!


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logic_grrl
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quote:
why the change of heart?

Y'know, that's something that only he can tell you. There are any number of different reasons why someone might have second thoughts or last-minute doubts, so you need to talk to him and find out what those reasons are.

It may be that just talking about things and clarifying the situation will dispel his worries. But if he ultimately decides this really isn't what he wants to do, then you need to respect his feelings and not try to pressure him (just as you'd want him to respect your feelings if you changed your mind).


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eagerlearner
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Hello girl,
I had my first intercourse experience when I was 14 that was 4 years ago. My first time was with me on top of him, because I could control how deep I was letting him go in.
I think he is freaking out because let's be honest...most girls after their first itme of having sex become extrememly obssessed with their partners, they become very dependant and this makes any guy nervous. He seems to love you but, he like many others doesn't want to be captured or feel any sort of restrictment, and so that's why I think he doesn't want to go all the way.
I think you should speak to him like an adult, like someone who is doing this because YOU WANT TO DO IT, because YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING GOOD. Make him realize that you are giving him a great present but that if he doesn't take it there are others that will. Make him think that you are giving him something that you want to do for yourself not only to please him, show him you are in control. Maybe he is simply nervous about not pleasing you. Whatever it is, don't show you are weak and dependant on him just show him that you are both consenting young adults. Don't him you are scared, because that scares some guys.

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eagerlearner
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Hello girl,
I had my first intercourse experience when I was 14 that was 4 years ago. My first time was with me on top of him, because I could control how deep I was letting him go in.
I think he is freaking out because let's be honest...most girls after their first itme of having sex become extrememly obssessed with their partners, they become very dependant and this makes any guy nervous. He seems to love you but, he like many others doesn't want to be captured or feel any sort of restrictment, and so that's why I think he doesn't want to go all the way.
I think you should speak to him like an adult, like someone who is doing this because YOU WANT TO DO IT, because YOU WANT TO EXPERIENCE SOMETHING GOOD. Make him realize that you are giving him a great present but that if he doesn't take it there are others that will. Make him think that you are giving him something that you want to do for yourself not only to please him, show him you are in control. Maybe he is simply nervous about not pleasing you. Whatever it is, don't show you are weak and dependant on him just show him that you are both consenting young adults. Don't him you are scared, because that scares some guys.

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eagerlearner
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You should just let him know that you are in control of your body, mind and soul and that no matter what happends you will accept the concequences. Most guys feel that after having sex with a girl they are completly responsible for everything, that puts pressure on them and the word commitment becomes bitter sweet. Just tell him that he needs to understand that you are giving him this because YOU also want to do it. It's a mutual agreement. Tell him that your love for him is so great that you are taking this step BUT you know exactly what you are getting yourself into and that after this both of you can lose as much, so not to be afraid. Show that you can have control over important situations. A girl who knows what she wants is a great turn on for guys. Don't be TOO agressive that's definately turn off, just be strong and straight to the point. Tell him how much you want him and how much you know he wants you and to stop the silly games, but that the offer will always be on the table, because you want HIM to be the one.

[This message has been edited by eagerlearner (edited 07-29-2002).]


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Milke
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Good sex is NOT about manipulation. And responsible adults don't play mind games to try to get their sweeties in the sack, so please, communicate clearly and honestly.

Not all men -- or women -- are turned on by the same things, or turned off by the same things, so it's not really fair to make blanket statements about what boys do or don't like. And please be careful about posting anything that verges on sexual technique; we can't do that here.


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eagerlearner
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I'm sorry if I've offended anyone, I truly am.
My intention was to prove that girls can have control and not always be the victims. Let's be honest a lot of girls give too much of themselves to the guy who is their first.
From a girl's point of view who has friends that have fallen in that trap, and who almost fell for it...having control is not about manipulation or mind games! but about getting all the cards on the table and speaking nothing but the truth of what's going on, leave the romaticism for the actual act.
Before doing anything you must establish yourself a strong and indepedent girl, who knows whatshe is doing...if you can't talk straight to the point then there is NO POINT IN DOING IT.
Why is it wrong for a girl to tell a guy " I want to have sex with you, I love you and I'm ready because I want to experience it with you, it's something I want" I'm not saying for this girl to throw herself at the guy or to sound vulgar, just to act confident on herself.
Just understand that experience is not everything, it all depends on who you do it with. I've had sex with 2 guys. The first taught me the basics but I was too...afraid to learn more. This second guy has taught me that there are no mistakes,we all learn at the same time. Now more than before...I'm an eager learner BUT I know what I am doing, and that I am doing it for myself.
My point is, Milke; that a girl has to have that power when she is giving up something that means a lot to most of us. It's not called manipulation...but simply the 21st century when SEX and CONTROL are not just words enjoyed by men.

Girl good luck...and whatever happens I wish you guys the best. If it does happen I hope It's all you've dreamed of.

[This message has been edited by eagerlearner (edited 07-29-2002).]

[This message has been edited by eagerlearner (edited 07-29-2002).]


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Silkcrenshaw
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we did it!!! i had my first time last nite and suprisingly it didnt hurt at all! it felt amazing and knowing he loved me so much and wanted to share this with me made it better... plus we didnt plan it, it just kinda happened and i like that much more of course protection was used and everything went very smoothly....thanx so much for all the info you guys gave me!

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!~SiLk~!


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Izzybella6
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my first time was over the summer and it went pretty well. I think it went better than most couple's first times because we had done some fooling around alot before. I think good advice is to do alot before actually letting him put it in. Like make him lick you and do stuff to him for a few days first. that way it wasn't such a shock to be doing stuff to eachother nekkid and such! so if you havn't already gotten used to seeing eachother nakid, do something else nude first (he said it helped him last longer the first time, too)

~Izzybella6 on Yahoo messenger


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Izzybella6
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HOOORAY!!!! you go girl!

awsome to hear that it was good. now you're a PRO!


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logic_grrl
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quote:
now you're a PRO!

Hmm ... it's cool that Silkcrenshaw had such a good first experience , but having penis-in-vagina intercourse is not a badge of maturity. It doesn't magically turn you into a better person, or a more grown-up person, or a "pro".


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Olive
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CONGRATS! Not really about the sex but sharing something so special with someone you love.
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Milke
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Er, you're only a 'pro' if you're getting paid for what you're doing, but congratulations on having a positive sexual experience!

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You're the one I adore
You're my C64


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