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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Age lost virginity? (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Age lost virginity?
FukADuck
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My first time having intercourse was at the age of 17 with my husband who was also 17 and a virgin at the time. I have no regrets and am happy that I waited to be with someone that I love and care about.
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kity
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everyone is going on about how "virginity" has so many different meanings, and saying "if you're going to post a message like this, explain what you mean by virginity", but confused did not say "what age did you lose your virginity", but "when did you become sexually active".
Sorry, that was just frustrating me

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logic_grrl
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Just to clarify: I believe confused edited her original message after the responses from Miz S and others, and that the original version did ask about "losing your virginity" (as the post title does).
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witch_baby
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I was 16 when i gave up my virginity... I regret who I gave it to, but emotionally I was pretty ready. I don't regret it because since then I've become more sexually and emotionally mature, which is great for my current relationship.

------------------
Once upon an time...?
What time are we upon and where do I belong?


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smartwomyn
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I think that this whole issue of *what* virginity is, or rather, what *sex* is, is quite interesting and still confusing to me. At 16, I lost my virginity (the whole story behind that, to address the original question: I think the age was fine, but I was with a total jerk - he was my first real boyfriend and I thought it was wonderful - I now know better. So I regret that it was to him, but not that I was 16). Anyway . . . I considered that the first time I had SEX, meaning penis/vagina intercourse.
However, I have since had both male and female sexual partners, and now my definition of sex has changed. I now consider oral sex and manual sex to be *sex*, but honestly, if I get into a relationship with a guy again, I don't know that I'll consider those to be sex.
I guess that this just shows that nothing in life is black-and-white; I don't think that you can have this magic line that divides sex from just fooling around. So I guess that creates quite a quandary for people who are waiting for marriage or love - everyone just needs to come up with their own definition.

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CountryGirl3
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Well, to me what "losing virginity" is, is the first time you have penis-vaginal intercourse. And in that case, I was 15 when that happened. I dont regret losing my innocense to the guy I did it with because I was in love with him, and I know that for sure, and to me, that is what matters most. But sometimes I remember how old I was when it happend and can only think "Wow, I was so young" because now I am 17 and in just those 2 years I've matured so much. But really, I am glad that I lost my virginity when I did because of who I did it with. He was my first love and so it made the whole experience special to me, and that makes me not regret it. Really, its up to you when you have sex, with who you have sex, and what losing your virginity is. It doesnt matter what anyone else thinks or says, as long as whatever you do, you do without regret.
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Caz4456
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I was 17 when I started doing sexual stuff and 18 when I slept with my on off boyfriend. I regretted it a bit at the time as we had split up and the night we did it had been the first time id seen him in months so I went home feeling a little used. He told me I was his first, but recently now we have split up I have found out that he lied and that hed been with someone else while we were on a break. I know 18 sounds old, but there was only a couple of people I saw before I started dating him when I was 17 and I didnt feel comfortable starting anything like it when I was younger so I guess im glad I waited till I was more mature and knew what I was doing.



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hickeygurl417
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When i turned 14 I kissed a guy for the 1st time he was the only guy that showed interest after that happened i ended up moving really quickly it got to the point where he asked me to sleep with him and i refused. From that point on i decided when i would lose my virginity it would be with someone special someone i had known for a while and trusted and it would be like in my own bed and stuff. i ended losing my virginity (penis to virgina) at 15. All those pretty images i put in my head after that whole experience did not come true. I ended losing my virginty in the backseat of a jeep which was parked in a cementary and with a guy i hardly knew and while his friend was there like wacthing us o and we had all been drinking which was exactly how i did not want to lose my virginity. point is not everything turns out how u want it to so u guys be careful and be safe i know u think now ill never do that but u really dont know till u get there.
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Layra
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i lost virginity when i was 15, and i regret it, because it was with a boy a knew that same day in a party. I was too drunk and for this reason i did it. Drinking in a excessive way just makes you do stupid things.
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sweetsadie
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I stopped referring to myself as a "virgin", for all the term is worth, two months before my 18th birthday. I had had penile/vaginal intercourse with my boyfriend and, while I'd been sexually active for some years, decided that was the appropriate time to begin considering myself "de-virginized" .

I have no regrets about my choice of partner or timing. Sex as he and I define it has become a special part of our relationship, one we both enjoy immensely.


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logic_grrl
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quote:
I know 18 sounds old

Hey, I was 27 before I was sexually active with another person. The point is, there's no deadline .


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MonkeyLover
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I am 15 years old and me and my boyfriend just recently traded our virginity (about 1 month ago). I like his better . "Virginity" means actual penis-in-vigina intercourse. I dont think ill ever regret it... im so in love with him and i know hes so in love with me too!
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Milke
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quote:
"Virginity" means actual penis-in-vigina intercourse

Yes, it does to some people, but others define it diffeently.

------------------
Milke, SSBD

Hang on to your ego . . .


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Heather
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Actually, the dictionary defintion of the word "virginity" dating back to the 14th century is:
1 : the quality or state of being virgin; maidenhood
2 : the unmarried life

"Virgin" (from the Old French "virgine") being:
- A woman who has not experienced sexual activity.
- A chaste or unmarried woman; a maiden.
- An unmarried woman who has taken religious vows of chastity.
- A female insect or other arthropod that produces fertile eggs without copulating.

(adj.)
- Of, relating to, or being a virgin; chaste.
- Being in a pure or natural state; unsullied: virgin snow.
- Unused, uncultivated, or unexplored: virgin territory.
- Existing in native or raw form; not processed or refined.
- Happening for the first time; initial.
- Obtained directly from the first pressing: virgin olive oil.
- Producing fertile eggs without copulating.

As you can see from the many defintions above, talking about "virginity" in a purely sexual context actually doesn't much appply to the actual defintion of the word, and so doing so is pretty arbitrary. If you want to be a real traditionalist about it, then what you're talking about are unmarried, sexually inexperienced women. And yes, that's sexist and discriminatory, amongst other things. The whole idea of all of this is sexist and rather sex-negative, which is why we're not real fond of the concept around here, and glad to see people create sexual defintions and standards for themselves, based on themselves. So, save literal defintions which I think we can agree are arcane as well as broad, please do let users here define their sexuality and ideas about first sexual experience for themselves. And that gets to include you, too.

Might be worth taking a look at this: Magical Cups & Bloody Brides

------------------
Heather Corinna
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My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
-- Kay Bailey Hutchinson


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EvilLilPoptart
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Hey yall. Im 14 and still a virgin. Im really happy I am too because I hear scary stories from people my age and younger about getting pregnant. Its tha fear that keeps me and my V together. I have a really great boyfriend right now. My parents love him and he is sweet to me and my friends. We have talked about us both "losing" our virginity to eachother but we both agree we arent ready yet. Im pretty sure he will be my first and I really hope so...but ya never know. Things are just too *+*FUNKY*+* round here.

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"Toe me Mare Mare.I wanna be funky w/ you..."


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Camzie13
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I just lost my virginity(the penile-vaginal kind) like....3 hours ago to my bf. I am 15. I love him to death and the feeling is mutual...this was a mutual next step and im happy about it.....no fireworks tho (lol)
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kiqass
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hello...... everybody.... well its a wonder how u guys haf sex wothout getting pregnant.?? no its not tat i'm pregnant or wad., i've not lost my virginity at all.....coz i'm scared fo getting pregnant
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Milke
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If we're wise, when we have coitus (penis-in-vagina sex), we use good quality condom and lubricant so the condom don't tear, and we use barriers (condoms and dams) for oral sex too, so we don't spread any diseases or infections, and so we don't start any unwanted pregnancies.

------------------
Milke, SSBD

Hang on to your ego . . .


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ImAlicia
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I'm almost 19 (two more months!) and yes, still a virgin. It's actually very much by choice, I've had quite a few situations, particularly in the past year that would be great opportunities but not the right ones.

I'm very very glad I've held off this long, it seems as though I'm always finding one more thing out which will make me better prepared for when the time comes.

What I find particularly amusing is when my friends pour out their relationship (or lack thereof) problems, and complain about not getting any for x amount of days/months

I just reply that I've survived for 6875 days without imploding, I'm sure they can too.
Now I'm not saying that I'm sexually "dead", I do masturbate quite regularly and occaisonally (only with a LOT of alcohol involved) I'll give someone a handjob, but kissing, fondling etc. is just not my cup of tea right now I'm ready to wait until the right guy comes along


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mnsouthpawjr
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I lost my virginity via penis-in-vagina intercourse at 18
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soldier76:96
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First time I had penis-vagina intercourse was at 25 years old. I was waiting to find the right woman. Also, I had other interests besides sex ie jujitsu, church, etc. This was another era.
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logic_grrl
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Actually, I think that even in this era, there are quite a few people who don't become sexually active until their twenties or later, for one reason or another. It's just often not talked about.
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im_just_meKat
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I was 14 when I lost my virginity and im 15 now so im a newbie at the whole sex thing but I dont regret it its like evryone always says that losing it is the biggest deal well i dont really have the big attachment that most girls do i just kind of see it as SEX it happens and youre going to have sex eventually unless you become a nun or want to stay a virgin forever but thats your business not mine

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HKAAV'J Katasha


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applet_jacks
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I was 18 and it wasn't supposed to happen. I was scared of my roommate, Jaime. She was violent and had been stalking me. A guy invited me over to his place. I would have gone anywhere to get away from my crazy roommate. He kissed me, it was my first kiss. He fondled me, also a first. I didn't want to go back to Jaime's so anything he wanted was okay I guess. I cried, we had oral and penile/vaginal intercourse. All the while I had never been kissed before that night. I cried the whole time. Even though we used condoms, I never felt good about it. It wasn't a feel good thing for me, emotionally or physically. Two months later I told him he had given me my first everythings, and now he feels really responsible for me. It's a ridiculous thing, but I guess I have to live with it.

To me I had thought of anything where clothes had to be taken off as sex and that I wouldn't be a virgin if I touched a naked penis and/or was touched while being naked... "dry humping" had never been in my vocabulary.

[This message has been edited by applet_jacks (edited 10-18-2002).]


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logic_grrl
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Whoa - this guy's behaviour really bothers me. The fact that you were too scared to go back home doesn't make it "okay" for him to do whatever he wanted to you sexually. It's your body.

And the fact that he continued having sex with you even though you were crying the whole time would seem to imply that he doesn't have any concern about your feelings at all. Even if you were consenting, it must have been pretty clear that you weren't enjoying it and didn't desire to have sex with him.

Especially if you're continuing to have any contact with this guy, I really suggest you check out Safer Sex ... for Your Heart. You also need to have a think about what you want and don't want, and how you can assert your boundaries in future. Sex isn't something you should passively put up with just because someone else wants it.


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Daydreamer24
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Hey applet_jacks,

I was watching something on t.v., don't remember the show, maybe Oprah or something. Anyway, they had a thing on virginity and mistakes people have made, and what virginity meant to them, and this one girl:

She was a drug user, real careless sex-haver (lol), and the like. She decided to turn her life around with God and considered "secondary virginity." Now she started her life over. Just a thought since you said you didn't want to live with your first time.

------------------
"I was in London meeting Milly for lunch when a big wind swept both of our skirts up. I noticed how cute her black underwear was until I remembered that Milly didn't wear underwear..."


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applet_jacks
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I had tried playing the "big girl" with the first guy and I won't blame him entirely. I told him it was my first time for intercourse and that I was crying because I hurt.

My problem isn't with that time as much as it was the next time(s). I had decided to wait for any more sexual encounters.

I had been kinda seeing a friend. We kissed and would lightly grope each other. I thought all was cool. Once I decided maybe having sex with him would be okay. I did, it still wasn't what I wanted, it had been about 9 months since my first time.

I saw this friend still and one night we were in my dorm room after a football game. He remembered I had slept with him once and I guess he thought I would again even though I had told him I really was not interested in a sexual relationship for more than the kissing and petting.

I was making out with him, I let things go a little too far. Some clothing came up missing, I was in a shirt and some panties. I got up and told him we needed to stop. He said no. I said really. I was walking across the room and he jerked me around and slung my body like a rag doll, pinning my body to my bed and ripping and forcing and trully making me the dysfuncyional person I am, in some respects.

I made pleas and offerings of other sexual favors. I tried kicking and scratching. I got pillows and more pain in return.

I called the cops after it was over. They placed emphasis on my late night behaviors of having men over and what I was wearing and if I was sure I said no. I hung up.

I laid in a pile in the floor behind my wicker chair and door, bawling my eyes out.
I realized how dirty I felt, so I scrubbed and scrubbed, until I realized the water in the shower had become icy cold.

I spent the next week in pure shame and misery. My body was sore for the next two-three weeks. The third week I decided I wasn't letting this take away my sexuality completely.I said no and that did nothing good for me. I was going to attempt to say yes at every chance. I had lost my sense of logic.

So men came, and they went, In a fast hurricane fashion. I thought it would help, it made me even sicker in my head.

I should stop writing now. I can't deal with this stuff still, it has been a little over a year since this stuff happened. I don't know when I can expect to deal. I guess I never will know until I can't remember why or what I was feeling all these emotions about. I doubt I will ever forget though.

[This message has been edited by applet_jacks (edited 10-19-2002).]


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Beppie
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Applet, my heart goes out to you.

We have a thread for abuse and rape survivors in our Support Groups forum- if you feel it would help you in any way, please post there:
http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000006.html


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tyty_25
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Well I somewhat feel the same way as you. However at the time he wasn't my boyfriend untill a month later but he was my bestfriend. But for myself I had to stop doing it for a while because I begun to feel guilty like I was doing something wrong. But other than that you should never regret anything you do in life because everything happens for a reason!
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Cutie_101
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Well I lost my virginity at 14 and I am 15 now. I don't regret it because I love my boyfriend and I feel like what's done is done!
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yeahitsred
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I don't like the term "losing virginity" either because i know exectly what happened to it.

i'll put it this way, one night i was a virgin and the next day i wasn't. I was 15 at the time, I'm now 23 and we're still together.

quote:
Originally posted by DiamondGirl2K:
To me, the term "virginity" means "having penis-in-vagina intercourse". So coming from my point of view, I don't believe in actually "losing your virginity". I believe it means sharing it with someone you should be able to love and trust. Everyone may not agree but different people have different opinions right?



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blondebebe001
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i'm 15 and lost it yesterday to my bf.....and i think it was a huge mistake becuase i really wanted to wait till i was older and able to emotionally handle all of this....im having a very difficult time adjusting to the fact that i did it and its over now!
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logic_grrl
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quote:
im having a very difficult time adjusting to the fact that i did it and its over now!

You know, I think this is one of the many reasons why the whole idea of "virginity" as this thing that you "lose" can be a problem.

It can create a false image of first-time sex ("losing your virginity") as a super-special, once-in-a-lifetime experience, which has to be absolutely wonderful or otherwise you've blown it and never get another chance.

And to be honest, most people's first experiences of sex - like people's first experiences of anything, really - aren't going to be 100% perfect.

I'm sorry to hear that you had sex before you felt ready for it, and I think Miz S has given you some very wise advice in her answer at http://www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum9/HTML/000512.html .

But it doesn't mean that anything is "over", or "lost" . Having a bad first experience is not going to permanently ruin your life (or your sex life).

When you do feel ready (check out Ready or Not? The Readiness Checklist for some guidance), you can continue your sex life, and hopefully have some more positive experiences.


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frenchy
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I'am 17, and my boyfriend and I, lost our virginity to each other 2months ago. Although we both thought 'no sex before marriage' originally.. We were completely ready, we love each other and we wanted to share our 1st time together. No regrets! All is great
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maniacz
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i lost my virgin without knowing it.. at 16... erm... few weeks ago??
was making out withmy gf......when she sit on me.......i did not know my penis was in until i start to suspect and told her to get off me...weird huh???

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