Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Oh those funny sexual antics! (Page 1)

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!   This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   
Author Topic: Oh those funny sexual antics!
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Sometimes sex is funny.

In our sex saturated culture, we see people on TV and in the movies having "picture perfect sex". There are no strange sounds or funny facial expressions. Nobody ever says "Ouch, you're on my hair!". There's constant rolling over with no problems. Nothing ever slips out of place. Positions work with precision and perfection every time. Every word spoken is perfectly planned and orchestrated so that Shakespear could hardly have done better.

But that's not real life. And real life sex is sometimes funny. Things make noise. Positions somehow fail logistically. Things slip out of place, and hair occasionally gets pulled. No matter how inexperienced or experienced we are, things will inevitably happen at one time or another. First time, or thousandth time...something funny will happen.

And sometimes you just have to be able to take a step back and laugh at yourselves and the situation. Sex is supposed to be fun...and sometimes that fun involves laughter. A funny noise isn't going to make your partner hate you or think you're abnormal. A failed position doesn't mean anyone is a miserable failure at sex. And an accidental pulled hair or misplaced elbow doesn't make you less attractive.

So let's talk about it (hopefully this will help those of us who do get nervous/embarassed about the funny things to be more comfortable in knowing that it really does happen to everybody). *Note: Let's make sure we keep the discussion clean since these boards are PG-13* Are you afraid of something "embarassing" happening? Can you/have you ever just sat back and laughed about those funny things? How do you and your partner deal with the little quirky funny things in your sex life?

------------------
~KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate

There's hair there for a reason!

"Never insult an alligator until after you've crossed the river." ~Oriental Proverb


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kythryne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
When my best friend and her partner had sex for the first time, she dislocated his shoulder, and they had to go to the hospital to have it put back in. She's never gonna live that one down...


As for me, at the moment I can't think of anything particularly funny that's happened, but I'm sure there've been plenty of silly things. If I think of any, I'll come back and spill 'em.

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 11 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oi. one day, during the throes of passion, my cheap-O KMart futon collapsed underneath us. this only made the situation ... hotter, and we tore up my cheap-O secondhand couch trying to finish.

i got my folks to take the broken beam off the futon and to a shop where it could be welded back together. i blamed it on poor KMart quality (and you wonder why they went bankrupt).

someone needs to take me to Ikea to buy me real furniture.

------------------
straddle the fine line between profundity and profanity...


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BruinDan
Activist
Member # 3072

Icon 1 posted      Profile for BruinDan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
quote:
Originally posted by Gumdrop Girl:
we tore up my cheap-O secondhand couch trying to finish...

Good gracious, Gummy! This isn't the same couch I slept on, is it?!

And as for me, I don't really have any funny intercourse tales to tell yet. But I've had one particularly amusing incident from a few years back.

Think "fooling around during an earthquake." And you can figure the rest out all on your own.

------------------
"Task Force 46, Light Force 34, Engine and Rescue 66, Battalion 3, Division 2; respond into the Greater Alarm Structure Fire at San Pedro and Jefferson. Reported to be a fire at the First Alert fire extinguisher factory..."

BruinDan's Blog!
ICQ# 3953848


Posts: 2727 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 6 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
fear not, danny, i have had a fair number of couches in residence. they've all been cheap-O secondhand things, which is why they need frequent replacement.

------------------
straddle the fine line between profundity and profanity...


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

Icon 1 posted      Profile for KittenGoddess     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, I think I'll add in my own 2 here since I did start the topic.

I know that I wasn't ever really worried about that "strange sounds" issue. But the first time something like that happened, it was still pretty darn funny. Really it's only logical that it happens...I mean, air gets trapped here or there between a couple of sweaty people and you're bound to have some sort of sounds. We just laughed about it for quite a while...these days those little thing generally don't even phase my partner or myself.

And I'm also gonna have to comment on the "as seen on TV" bit. Cause lemme just tell you, all those astetically pleasing, sheet covered positions you've seen on TV don't always work the way they appear on TV. Recently my partner and I realized that this was quite true. It really seemed like a fabulous idea at the time, but when we tried, we found ourselves looking at each other saying "Well apparently that didn't work, what do we do now?" Needless to say, it was quite hilarious (although maybe ya had to be there to appreciate it, I dunno).

------------------
~KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate

There's hair there for a reason!

"Never insult an alligator until after you've crossed the river." ~Oriental Proverb


Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
lemming
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33

Icon 12 posted      Profile for lemming     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
For some reason when you put two skinny people together you get a little pocket of air between the sternums (sterni?) Add this to movement and sweat and you get...belly farts! Sigh. It's okay till we abandon sexual activity and collapse into giggles while making our tummies squish. ;] So mature!

------------------
~lemming, Scarleteen Advocate

this is what you get for liking it.
"Sebastian, you're in a mess, you had a dream they called you king of all the hipsters - is it true or are you still the queen?" --Belle and Sebastian, "Put The Book Back On The Shelf"


Posts: 3156 | From: Austin, Texas | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CutiePie4eva
Activist
Member # 7052

Icon 7 posted      Profile for CutiePie4eva     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hmmmm... well i dunt have a sex life yet... but when i was making out wit my bf the other day i always put my leg over his... so i was trying to get my leg over him... but it wasnt working... the blanket was wrapped around me... so i'm squirming all around trying not to make it so obvious... but i ended up getting more tangled... and i had to make him get up and off the blanket and untangle myself lol ...it was amusing
Posts: 239 | From: new york, USA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
unhappykoger
Activist
Member # 1514

Icon 1 posted      Profile for unhappykoger     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok i have three that i wanted to share so here goes.

me and my husband were having sex in the living room and got a little noisy and someone walking down the street heard us. he whistled and yelled "wooohooo"

we were in the living room just last night and we were on the floor and i got on top of him and my dog came and licked my butt. that was irritating.

we were on the stairs about half way up and right when we were nearing the end we fell all the way down the stairs and my son knocked on thedoor and said "mommy what was that noise" we were laughing so hard from the falling down that we didnt notice that it made a loud "thump" and woke my son up.

i have more but these are the funniest i think.

wait a minute one more.

we were on my bed and we went to do that rolling over thing broke down the bed and then fell on the floor. i got a really big bruise on my butt and had to tel everyone that i was walking funny just cause i slipped on something and fell.


Posts: 365 | From: dayton,ohio,u.s.a. | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stargazer23
Activist
Member # 6893

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Stargazer23     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hehehe, I don't exactly want to share, *grin* but I think if you can't laugh with your partner, when you are most intimate with them ((I know he's the most casual relationship in my life...imtimately speaking, that is)) who CAN you laugh with? Takes a lot of nervousness away, that can be there the first time. And when you get to know each others' "moves" and/or "responses" Laughing with them is even BETTER!

Posts: 45 | From: Girard, OH, USA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DrQuack5
Activist
Member # 2748

Icon 1 posted      Profile for DrQuack5     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This isn't a sex story, but it's a makeout story.

My [now ex] girlfriend and I were making out this one night and we had to take a little break so she could get her hair out of the was. I was just lying there waiting for her to situate herself and it was dark in the room, so when she went back down to kiss me, she missed and started kissing my nose. We still laugh about it today.


Posts: 290 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
la jaunty bohemian
Activist
Member # 5735

Icon 1 posted      Profile for la jaunty bohemian     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
::laughs::

funny sex is awesome.

my personal favorite embarassing/funny sex moment is.....

you know, when you're having sex, and you're about to orgasm and you tense up your muscles, and all of a sudden you realize....

you have to fart.

really badly.

and you know if you do orgasm, you'll totally lose control of your anal sphincter, but if you don't orgasm, you'll be sad because it would have been great?

yeah.. so i was in that situation, and i decided just to go for the spectacular orgasm and attempt to fart discretely. it didn't work.

but i giggled a lot. and it was fine.


Posts: 105 | From: Baltimore, MD, USA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
justagirl04
Activist
Member # 3824

Icon 1 posted      Profile for justagirl04     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not a very experienced person, so my friend/boyfriend was teaching me a few things. We were down in my friend's room, and he asked me if I wanted him to show me how to kiss on the neck. Of course I said sure. Well anyways... I was getting "lessons" and my friend ruined it! She kept giggling and making catcalls! I wanted to hurt her... but I love her.. so I'll let it slide No funny sex stories just yet, and probably not for awhile.

------------------
ShAnNa's AmAzInG wEbSiTe

~*Only God Knows Why*~


Posts: 318 | From: Oklahoma USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glitter695
Activist
Member # 1515

Icon 1 posted      Profile for glitter695     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend was giving me oral sex one day and his head was under a blanket. (This was also before I started "trimming or shaving" my pubes) So I had a forest down there (this was also before scarleteen came into my life).

So it was all romantic, and it was great. All of a sudden he starts to move and wiggle a lot. The outta nowhere hes like "Damn gurl you have tons of pubes, its soooo dark down here." It was soooo funny, Im like what a way to ruin the moment.

Now we just joke about it constantly! Good times, good times!!!

------------------
*~*~12/3/99*~*
Bobaroony & Erica Bearica
<3 love forever!

Monk N Bear~ Best Friends Forever! ~Luv ya babe!

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*

One ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Heather Corinna


Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
Activist
Member # 168

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PoetgirlNY     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I have a pretty nasty cold at the moment. Two days ago, I was making out with the boy (who has consented to the risk of catching my cold), and I was like, "Hold on a second, I have to sneeze." I backed off, sneezed, and came back. He was cracking up. I was like, "What's so funny?" And he told me that a few months ago, in the column Savage Love in the Village Voice (which we both read), there was a question from a man with a sneezing fetish. After he reminded me about that column, he said, "If I develop a sneezing fetish, I'll let you know."

------------------
"I'll be a Venus on a chocolate clamshell rising on a sea of marshmallow foam."
-Hedwig


Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
indigodazed
Activist
Member # 6681

Icon 1 posted      Profile for indigodazed     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
It's a make-out story. I was kissing my (ex)girl friend and I was on top of her. At that point I had really long hair. Now my ex has several piercings, including a nose ring. And while we were making out, my hair got wrapped around her nose ring. So when she got up we were stuck together. My hair was wrapped really close to my head so we were right there in each other's faces and couldn't figure out how to come un-stuck. Finally we got her brother to unravel us. He thought it was hilarious. Thank god here parents weren't home. That would have been really embaressing.
Posts: 57 | From: Minneapolis | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Star2be17
Activist
Member # 4769

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Star2be17     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just the other day my boyfriend and i were doing something which involved saran wrap on his penis. The kind that has the sticky side. So when we were done, without thinking, i ripped the saran wrap off his penis quite forcefully!

It must have hurt like hell..and i felt so bad! Now we just laugh about it though

------------------
The world's a rollercoaster, and I am not strapped in


Posts: 266 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Jul 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
kythryne
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5460

Icon 1 posted      Profile for kythryne     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, I now have a funny story.

My allergies have been acting up for the past week or so, and I've been having a lot of trouble breathing at night. The other night my partner and I were in bed, having sex, and she asked "why are you going shhh, shhh at me?" I wasn't saying anything -- it was just my stuffy nose wheezing! :P We both collapsed into giggles when we realized what it was.

------------------
Kythryne Aisling
Scarleteen Advocate

"The only unnatural sexual act is that which you cannot perform."
-- Alfred Kinsey


Posts: 1685 | From: New York City | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss Thang
Activist
Member # 5508

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Miss Thang     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hehehe sex IS funny! well, i've only had sexual intercourse once, and it was with a person who i don't speak to anymore, and was, in the long run, a bad thing. but at the time it was funny.

well- seeing as how it was my first time, i had no idea what to do. i knew what to do once i got into it, but it was the starting that was tricky. so he put the condom on, and looked at me, and i was like, "uhhh...." and i didn't know what to do, so i kinda like climbed on and fell back onto the bed, which actually worked out quite well, but there was that awkward silence for a moment...

then... he was on top of me, and he wanted to switch positions, and have me on top. so we switched positions, and yeah- *it* kept on slipping out and we'd have to stop and fix it... and when i got on top i didn't know what to do. at that time, i didn't have the confidence to just relax, let myself go, and work those hips! so i kinda shyly started moving my hips, but then i got self-conscious because 1)i knew he had more experience and was probably like "what are you doing!?! 2) because i was/am very self-conscious of my body, and i didn't like him watching my boobs bounce up and down, though in retrospect, i don't know why. so i was like, "uhh this isn't working. can we switch back?" also quite awkward.

so we switch back, and we really get into it- i'm screaming and all. and i don't even think he realized that a person was under him because he was totally smothering me. at one point, he grabbed hold of the bedpost behind me with both hands, and was smooshing my face!! and my head kept ramming into the bed, and i definitely had a bruise the next day.

he didn't even orgasm, and neither did i, so we awkwardly (again, this was all very awkward) decided to call it quits. oh well. i'm hoping for a better experience next time.


Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Miss Thang
Activist
Member # 5508

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Miss Thang     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
and by the way- yes it annoys me how sex is on tv. and in jerry macguire- when they're doing it up against that wall- it seems so perfect. i wonder if that would really work as well as it did for jerry. hmm...
Posts: 211 | From: Chicago, IL | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Nataliev
Neophyte
Member # 5946

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Nataliev     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This one time... at band camp.. j/k lol!

One time, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and we forgot to turn the tv off, so it was blaring away (I live in a University Residence with 100 other people, 2/3 girls, so when you hear a noise in a room.. someone is there... so we keep very quiet.. try it sometime! It's hard!)

Ok, so, the tv is blaring, and we get a knock on the door. We just tried to ignore it, but there was no way to turn the tv off then...

Then we finished and 2 seconds later, there's a knock at the door again. We were just cleaning up, and then we hear 'Natalie?? I know you're there!'. We thought.. oh crap!.. finally, I said 'Just a sec.. Chris was just getting his pants on, and so I creaked the door open and chris his, cause.. well, i don't really know why.. but my friend Kristi was there (she really needed me to drive her to the bank) and she saw my beet red face (it was so hot in the room!, plus.. you know how sweaty you get) and then Chris peeks his head out.. and she started laughing hysterically... then I did.. Chris just looked so cute and embarrassed!

Natalie


Posts: 23 | From: Victoria, BC, CANADA | Registered: Nov 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
insatiablesmiles
Activist
Member # 6228

Icon 10 posted      Profile for insatiablesmiles     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
my partner and i [not boyfriend...it's a friends who have sex arrangement] get on really well so weird/funny incidents don't bother us all that much ... but the most amusing things are generally when we've already had sex a couple/few times in a 'session' yet still want more and start but then jus discover we're too tired ... ironic ... ! so have a laugh and stop. and then sometimes try again a while later ...

-pandora
xxo

------------------
- you think you're the only one who's sexually frustrated?
- well come on baby , i'm ready!

[ american beauty ]


Posts: 100 | From: london, england | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Lisa D
Activist
Member # 389

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Lisa D     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I must say that the sound of air escaping one's vagina never fails to crack me up. As some of you already know, certain positions force more air into the vagina than others, and when you move, it pushs out with what can only be described as a very loud, farty sound. Whenever my fiancee and I hear it, we are usually laughing so hard, we have to stop.

Trust me, the older you get, the funnier sex becomes...When you're young, there's usually much more of an embarrassment factor, because it all is so new. As you get more sexual experience, you'll begin to stack up so many funny sounds, faces, positions, and stories, you'll be far less worried about it!


Posts: 442 | From: Dublin, OH USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Johnny__Rotten
Neophyte
Member # 6476

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Johnny__Rotten     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Two funny stories:

One night my girlfriend and I were having sex on the balcony behind her house. We'd been going at it for a while when I heard this "ding ding ding ding" type noise going in rhythm to our, um, actions. I started thinking about it and then realized that it was a wind chime hanging from the balcony! I couldn't stop laughing. That kinda ruined that moment, so we moved inside where there wouldn't be any such distractions for me ^_^

The other story: My girlfriend and I were laying down just after having sex. I was on top of her, with my arm over her chest and shoulder. She suddenly gasped and said "Oh my God." I asked what was up, she lifted my arm, sighed in relief and then started laughing. She said "I thought I had lost my nipple." which was apparently covered by my arm.


Posts: 11 | From: Redmond, WA | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
CutiePie4eva
Activist
Member # 7052

Icon 7 posted      Profile for CutiePie4eva     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
hmmm... well this is not exactly a sex antic... but the other day me and my bf were having dry sex... and i was really getting into it... and i was breathing really quickly... i was breathing so fast it sounded like i was hyperventilating... so he says, "your breathing so fast... you sound like your hyperventilating?".. and a few seconds later he couldnt resist seying... "do u want me to get u a brown paper bag?" ...i started cracking up... it totally killed the moment... but it was funny lol
Posts: 239 | From: new york, USA | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
magpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 2340

Icon 1 posted      Profile for magpie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Oh I could tell so many stories...

One time when I was having sex with my boyfreind I got rugburns on both elbows... I had a fun time explaining those to my mother...

Another time after we had sex I noticed my bed was leaning to one side. I bent it back enough so my parents didn't notice... but lets just say we don't have sex on the bed anymore.


Posts: 286 | From: Ames, IA | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Just.Lil.Ole.Me
Activist
Member # 6392

Icon 10 posted      Profile for Just.Lil.Ole.Me     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Its always funny when stuff you dont expect to happen at that romantic moments happens, but you just gotta laugh. When that stuff happens to me... If I'm horny, not even a little queef, will catch me offguard.. lol

------------------
"I'm real, what you get is what you see..."


Posts: 54 | From: Tampa | Registered: Jan 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

Icon 1 posted      Profile for -Jill     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, so no one actually has sex in this story but it's made me giggle all day.

I'm expecting my period shortly so on my way out the door yesterday morning I grabbed my Keeper - in it's little drawstring bag - and put it on the dash of my care with the intention of putting in my purse eventually. I then headed off to go pick up my friend Josh, as usual.

Once in the car he casually picked up the bag and asked what was inside it. Since I've experienced this question before I prefaced my answer with a reassurance that it had been thoroughly cleaned since the last use.

That made no difference, he was not happy. He dropped it like a hot rock. After some stammering and general spastic behavior he asked if I had any hand sanitizer in the car. Well, I did but it was in my safer sex kit - with my vibrator. Also clean of course but given his previous reaction to objects that have been in my vagina I suggested that he wait until we got to school for me to get it.

So, safely hidden behind his guitar case I retrieved the hand sanitizer thinking that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. The incident over, we walked into school and headed off in opposite directions towards our individual lockers.

Once I got there I relayed what had happened to a couple friends, both of whom happen to share class with Josh and I. (One of them was Dude_who_writes.) I told them the whole story but I neglected to inform them that Josh knew nothing about the vibrator. Fifteen minutes into our common class good natured ribbing turned into Josh knowing everything and no longer making eye contact with me.

However, after much convulsive laughter on my part (and a promise to clearly mark questionable items in the future), Josh has returned to making eye contact. He's even willingly rode to school with me this morning. A bit awkwardly but willingly nonetheless.


Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
PoetgirlNY
Activist
Member # 168

Icon 1 posted      Profile for PoetgirlNY     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My boyfriend decided for no particular reason last week to get rid of his longish beautiful hair and shave his head. Eek. But anyway, not my head. I was jokingly poking fun at him. He has an eyebrow ring, and I told him that between the eyebrow ring and the shaved head, he sorta looks like a pirate now. When I told him, he immediately started making these adorable corny pirate jokes. We ended up doing a pirate/captured princess role play, and now I don't mind the shaved head quite so much

------------------
Limes Are Sublime


Posts: 1101 | From: San Francisco | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
somewhatanonymous
Activist
Member # 3820

Icon 1 posted      Profile for somewhatanonymous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
"Wrong hole" ...as in belly button. HAHAHA I am too funny. And sometimes I jokingly make fun of me/her/us while in the middle of having sex. I'm just like,
me - I really like you a lot but... I'm gay
her - then what are you doing?
me - what do you mean what am I doing?
her - you're having sex with me!
me - no I'm not
her - yes you are! You're having sex with me RIGHT NOW.
me - I am not!
her - are too
me - shut up... You're gay.
her - I am not!
me - it's ok, I still love you, I'm gau too, remember?
her - but I'm not gay!!!
...you get the picture. It's phreaking hillarious.


And trying new positions is always fun. I, none too gracefully, initiated a different position. After a few second of not being able to accomplish penetration:
her - This isn't working
me - Ummm...
her - I've never done this before
me - *giggle* me either

And just rolling over is a major acrobatic feat. I cannot count how many times I've tried to roll over and ended up getting pinned in akward positions, pulled my hair, elbowed my partner, gotten elbowed, etc.

That's all I can think of for now...


Posts: 141 | From: Seattle, WA, USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
somewhatanonymous
Activist
Member # 3820

Icon 1 posted      Profile for somewhatanonymous     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
insatiablesmiles' post reminded me of one time, on valentines day no less, me an my (ex)best-friend had sex for a very long time late into the night. As I lay there gasping for breath she went to the bathroom, and when she came back she was all dressed:
me - what are you doing?
her - I should go home
me - no, lets do it again
and here I got up and attempted to walk across the room to her and fell so that she had to catch me and hold me up
her - you can't do it again
me - yes I can
her - you can't even stand up!
me - ...so?

hehehe, it's so hard to hate her when I remember stuff like that.


Posts: 141 | From: Seattle, WA, USA | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
asdfghjkl
Neophyte
Member # 8148

Icon 1 posted      Profile for asdfghjkl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
oh g's...there are so many, but ill list you only a few...

my girlfriend and i were having sex "doggy-style" i guess its called, and her new puppy comes running in the room, and starts biting her face! we were well into it already (10-15 minutes) so we kind of just kept going, with the occasional smack and profanity towards the puppy coming from my partner....it was very annoying at the time, but we laugh about it now...

oh and early on in our sexcapades, my girlfriend was not the condom savvy diva she is now.....after sex one night, she wanted to seem like a veteran condom handler and impress me by offering to take my condom off, when in reality she had never touched one...so i say sure, and she takes two fingers and tries to pull it off by the tip, but the tip just stretched about a foot and then slipped out of her fingers, and came back very quickly and VERY painfully onto the tip of my penis....oooh, she knows how to impress....i was in soooo much pain for the longest time, but laughed about it anyways 10 minutes after....DONT EVER DO THAT LADIES!!!!

another girlfriend-folly i can share is more pain for me..hooray.....ok, so im laying on my back, and my beloved girlfriend is 'riding' me, when she thinks she hears someone walk in the door....so her first instinct is to jump off, but her sex drive doesnt want that....so she kinda halfway hopped off for a second, but came right back down on me in one heavy drop..and guess what she landed on....yep....it was straight up in the air, and she just pretty much sat on it...pain....bad pain.....it literally bent in half, with the tip right on top of the base.....and it became swollen and purple in the area of the bend.... but i was a sport and toughed it out, and we were right back at it in minutes.....

gosh i love that girl....

------------------
This is the high of someone face.


Posts: 3 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
vball girl12
Activist
Member # 8238

Icon 1 posted      Profile for vball girl12     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
The first time my boyfriend performed oral sex on me, my stomach was feeling a bit woozy from the fast food we had had for supper that night. Well, he was getting into it, and I was on the verge of orgasm, when I suddenly farted right into his face (not on purpose, it just happened). I started laughing, but finally apologized for it--he took it in stride though, although it is now one of our many inside jokes.
Posts: 46 | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 11 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
pets. gotta love them.

i won't elaborate. but during one of our amorous encounters, our cat Obie, jumped on my head. he's a big kitty, so imagine my surprise!

------------------
Color is for crayons, not for people.


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Cherokee1696
Activist
Member # 8298

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Cherokee1696     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I could stay here all night, but I will only tell the two that are freshest in my mind.

Last weekend, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandfather, who lives on a farm. At one point, we decided to go "visit the barn" under the pretense of going outside to smoke. Well, there we were, in the barn, going at it (I was bent over, and he was behind me) when I felt a little wet tongue all over the backs of my legs and... other places. I turn my head, and there is a little black goat licking me! Ah! LOL- I don't think I'll ever get over that one.

The other one that is fresh in my mind happen last month while we were on vacation in Florida. We were in the pool at our motel and there was no one around besides us and an older couple, who were both snoring loudly with magazine over their faces. I guess we were really getting into it, because the old guy looks up and hollers at us, "Hey, you kids think you can keep it down over there?" All he acomplished was turning the heat up on our... well.. you know.


Posts: 59 | From: Alabama | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
  This topic comprises 2 pages: 1  2   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3