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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » what is sex?

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Author Topic: what is sex?
rekling
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not sure that this is the best or most appropriate forum to be posting this too, so if someone wants to move it somewhere else, feel free! (just let me know!)

what does everyone think is "sex"?

i know i have my definition, but i know lots of people who definitely have very different definitions.

personally, i tend to follow the school of thought that sex is any consensual situation in which there is mutual genital contact. however, that defintion is slowly changing, i think.
i really like the way one of my friends put it: "if it has sex in the name, its sex".

what do others think? if you say "i had sex last night" or "i'm thinking about having sex", what does that mean to you?

love and sex, whatever that is.
-rek


Posts: 72 | From: oberlin, oh / new york city | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Kasper
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In MY opinion. Doing sexual acts include manual sex, oral sex, stuff like that.

Sex itself to me means when the penis enters the vagina.

But everyones views are different!


Posts: 213 | From: *Somewhere over the rainbow* | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Star2be17
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Since I grew up learning about sex being sexual intercourse, that's how i tend to think of it now. I haven't had intercourse, but i have done oral sex, and when someone asks me "have you had sex?" i say no.

p.s. rekling, i noticed you say you're from oberlin. my brother goes to college in oberlin! small world, eh.

------------------
~I'm a saint and I'm a sinner,
I'm a loser, I'm a winner.
I am steady and unstable,
I am young but I am able.~

~Maybe this is just a dream
Maybe this was meant to be
I just pinch myself and wonder why...~
--Jessica Andrews


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rekling
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awesome
i do indeed go to college in oberlin...
wonder if i know your bro?
-rek

Posts: 72 | From: oberlin, oh / new york city | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Celtic Daisy
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I used to think of sex as actual intercourse, y'know, penis/vagina, etc. But now if someone were to ask me if i've had sex, i would say what kind of sex.

To me there are different kinds of sex, so sex is :
Oral sex
manual sex...
etc

You get the idea.

------------------
"where'ths my mommy?"
-Shawna

Akimsa (non-violence)

~Erin~


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-Jill
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Hmm. I consider sex to be an enjoyable, consensual act. Beyond that I'm pretty flexible - penis-in-vagina intercourse is sex, manual sex is sex, masturbation is sex, etc.

However, I also always think of sex as a physical act. This is not to disregard the importance of the emotional aspects of sex; they're very important too. If it is simply an emotional thing, nothing physical, I tend to refer to it as making love. This explains why I can make love in a public place, fully dressed, in front of small children without any difficulties.

This is just the way I think, not the way I feel anyone must think.


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Pumpkin_Pie
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I think sex is any sexual act, not just penis in vagina, as that would exclude gay men and lesbians. And since I'm a lesbian it would be a bit silly of me to consider intercourse as the only type of sex. I would consider foreplay and oral sex as well sex. But that's just my opinion, I'm sure other people have very different.
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david
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I think that sex is a union between two people, in which you give all your body and heart to a person. In which a man and a woman become one.
It's a sharing and a union. Sex for me is just in the context of marriage. That's what i mean for sex. Becoming one with another person.

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Member of True Love Waits, Friends first and Not me, not now.

[This message has been edited by david (edited 01-06-2002).]


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rekling
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david--
what about more than two people?
what about a marriage between three people, or six people, where they all join their minds and bodies into one?
would that be sex, or do you mean only legal marriage?
-rek

Posts: 72 | From: oberlin, oh / new york city | Registered: Dec 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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(...and mind you, in some cultures now and throughout history, our own included in the past, group marriages and unions have been and in some places still can be legal or spiritual unions.)

I'll do my best to add my two cents here, if for no other reason than the fact that I am likely one of the few posters here who has probably had more types of sex -- as well as some within marriage -- than most, especially than our younger user base.

That given the case, I've never had, say penis-in-vagina intercourse feel more like Sex with a Capital S to me than say, oral sex, maunal sex, or even a long kissing session based on what I am physically doing alone. Not have I had sex in which I was very emotionally enaged feel more like sex than sex in which I waas not very emotionally engaged at all, or in which I was with a partner for whom I have had no romantic interest. Any form of sex with men has never felt any more or less like sex to me than sexual interchanges I've had with women.

To be really frank, I've eaten an orange and haad it feel like sex when thinking of a partner while doing it.

I think the best way I usually think about it is to compare it to say, meditation. In other words, how do I know when I am truly meditating? It it only when I'm seated, quiet, at home or at my sangha, or can it also be when I am waashing the dishes, taking a walk, having a cup of tea? And basically, it can be any of those things, and how I know when I am meditating is primarily when I both feel as I do when I am in a meditative space, and secondarily when I intend to be meditating. And I'd say the same of sex. Sex for me has always been what I am doing when I am in a space within my mind and my body which I recognize as sexual, as what feels sexual, and as what I am having when that is what I intend to be having.

Were the but one kind of sexual space or identity in all of us, it'd be a lot easier to define, but like most of us are multifaceted in terms of our intellectual or emotional selves, we're generally multifaceted in our sexual selves as well. In other words, we experience degrees and variations that are not neccessarily more or less "sex" but simply different. Even when you've had one long-term partner or spouse for a long time, and even when in that you engage in one specific sexual activity, like intercourse hundreds of times, you are not always in the same space. Nothing close.

...and that's rather fabulous, IMO.

[This message has been edited by Miz Scarlet (edited 01-06-2002).]


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rekling
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thanks for pointing that out, miz scarlet.

and another question:
with a definition of sex as a coming together as one on both a physical and emotional level, would sex include any sexual act, such as manual sex, oral sex, anal sex, what about the possiblity of making porn, or having phone sex, if those people are doing it to achieve that end result of one-ness?
-rek


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david
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rekling, you asked:
david--
what about more than two people?

No, absolutely not. Also because of my Christian religious values, marriage is something special and unique between a man and a woman. It's also a spiritual thing.
I want to give my virginity to one person, not to 6. To the only woman of my life, who will be my most beloved wife.

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Heather
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I'm going to assume you mean, david, that this is what then sex means for you, and only for you.

Because if nothing else, biology alone makes it undeniably clear that people who are not Christian, or who are Christian but unmarried, are perfectly capable of sexual activity.

If you were only talking about what you feel it does/will mean for you only, dismiss the above statement.

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Heather Corinna
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My epitaph should read: "She worked herself into this ground."
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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And in the spirit of Miz Scarlet's first post, I just came home from a sex marathon. Actually, I spent the day skiing with three people that I enjoy riding with very much. We remained fully clothed the whole time (More clothed than usual in fact - the temperature kept dropping.) but it was still very much like my favorite kind of sex: intimate, caring, pleasurable, passionate, and safe.

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There is a time and a place for everything.

[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 01-06-2002).]


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frenchtvny
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Hi everybody
I am very interested in your topic of discussion, i am a french tv producer working actually on a documentary about sexual behaviors for a french national cable network. I am looking for people willing to discuss openly about"what is sex" and especially if they considerer "oral sex" being sex. Do people practice it for pleasure, for pregnancy prevention, std prevention or even to stay "virgin" until marriage. there are been a much open discussion about that in this country than in France, especially since the whole Lewinsky story. If anyone wants to talk about that i can be reached at
frenchtvny@yahoo.com

and by the way i was authorized to post this message by Miss scarlet, see topic "ethics and politics of sexuality". She has my name and address, meaning this is a serious work not a weirdo request. Thanks for your answer.

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Daydreamer24
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Sex. Go ask random people what it means to them and you'll get lots of different answers.

To me, sex means, as David said, giving your soul to someone. Loving someone so much that you'll do anything for them and getting deep into their soul. I do believe in sex without love, but I think the feeling should be mutual. It erks me when girls say things like "so is Stacy a virgin??" or whatever, because I think virginity is more of a state of mind than anything.

[This message has been edited by Daydreamer24 (edited 01-08-2002).]


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