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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Boyfriend is clueless

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Author Topic: Boyfriend is clueless
sunshine_1ofakind
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When my bf and I are making out and get so far he tells me that he doesn't know what to do and tells me to take it from there. I don't want to just "take it from there". He has only had sex with one person and from what I can tell, it wasn't a good experience. I want to show him what I like, but I am kind of afraid to do so. We plan on having sex in the future but he says he doesn't know what to do. Should I just get over it and show him what to do?

Posts: 61 | From: Mayfield, Ky | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
alaska
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Yup. Exactly, hon. Tell him.

Your boyfriend isn't psychic and his admitting that he has no clue is a great point to start off. - At least he doesn't think he kows it all and you don't need to tell him that what he has been doing has been bad.

So take the leap and start voicing your needs & encouraging him to voice his, too. You can start out as easily as just moving each others hands or giving feedback when something does feel good. Move on to more talking when it feels comfortable.

I also think making sex in general an everyday topic and discussing it lots (why not use some of our articles as starting points)- just like you discuss other things that are important to you - helps you be more vocal about your needs in the bedroom, too.

I'd be glad to move this to Sex Basics so that others can add their advice on how to communicate with your partner(s), too, if you want.

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Caro
~spanking new Scarleteen Sexpert~

"We must become the change we want to see."
Mahatma Gandhi


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alaska
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moving to Sex Basics.

So everyone: how do you bring to your partner across what's on your mind?


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KittenGoddess
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Yep, exactly as Alaska said...talk to him about it. Definately bring that discussion out of the bedroom, lay all the cards on the table and have it all out! I've found personally that making sex a part of 'normal' discussion between my partner and I has not only made our physical relationship better, it's also made our entire relationship that much closer.

~KittenGoddess

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sunshine_1ofakind
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My boyfriend and I don't really talk about sex, so how would I come about bringing up the subject? All we have said is that we want to sometime in the future. I'm not afraid to talk about sex, but he is really shy. How could I bring it up without embarrassing him?
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LilBlueSmurf
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Well that would be the first clue that he's not ready for sex in a relationship ... If you can't talk about it, you really shouldn't be doing it.
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alaska
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Sunshine, I think Smurf has a good point here. Being able to openly talk about sex is extremely important. - If you can't talk about safer sex and birth control, your relationship isn't ready to carry the risk of pregnancy and STDs, which simply comes with being sexually active.

So how can you bring it up? I recommend to be blunt. Print out an article from here (like the readiness checklist) and tell him you'd like to discuss that. If you want to seriously be around this guy in your birth suit (and the other way round); you should be off the "shy" thing when your life & future are concerned.

In addition, after watching a movie or TV series that deals with sexuality or whatever, use that as a starting point to bring your view on things across: i.e. "I think it's really cool that Felicity went and got tested for STDs before having sex. Worrying about STDs is just as important as worrying about pregnancy." Or whatever else.

It really depends on the type of conversations you have, but I bet there are many opportunities to bring sex up. And I promise, the more you discuss sex, the easier & more normal it gets.

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Caro
~spanking new Scarleteen Sexpert~

"We must become the change we want to see."
Mahatma Gandhi


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sunshine_1ofakind
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I just wanted to thank you guys for all of the great advice. I told my bf that I wanted to talk about sex and he said that he did too. And we talked about it and everything turned out great. I was just afraid that he would be embarrassed b/c he didn't know what to do. He told me that he wanted me to show him and I plan too. Thank you guys for all the help. It feels really great to have someone to "talk" it over with. thank you!!
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alaska
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well done, gal! See - communication works.
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italienprincess
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the first couple times my boyfriend and i had sex it hurt me. i didn't say nething to him though, he was having too much fun i suppose.
by the 3rd time we did it i couldn't stand it ne more.
i told him to try and move a little because he was hitting me at a bad angle.

he felt so bad! it was kinda cute actually, but after that, everything went smooth.

definatly talk to him. how can he get mad at you for being honest?


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