Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » For Those Special Moments...

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: For Those Special Moments...
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've noticed some things around here lately that has been some cause for concern.

I know prom season just passed, and I've observed that a lot of people have been talking about having sex, losing their virginity, whatever have you after Prom.

I know it's common practice, but there's a lot of things people should be aware about.

Sex isn't about celebrating an occasion. Just because it is Prom, it's your anniversary, your significant other got into his/her choice of colleges, doesn't mean you have to have sex. Sex is about relationships with people, not the milestones they cross. There's better ways of celebrating things like that like going out to dinner or throwing a party.

What bothers me is that sometime people feel like because it's Prom, or because you've been together for a month, 6 months a year, it's the full moon, that you *have* to have sex. You are never obligated to have sex with someone. That's absurd, and that's not what consent is about. And just because it is Prom (or whatever other occasion), that doesn't necessarily make you ready to have sex. Too many people seem to make that mistake and they run into trouble later on.

It seems that occasions make people assume they have license to engage in unsafe activity. That's not true. it's like any other day; what's risky behavior one day will not suddenly become okay because it's the Grad Night.

What it comes down to is that if you're having sex because it's a "special day," then you're probably doing it for the wrong reason.

There's better way to mark your happy occasions than by having sex. And why not just have a nice romantic evening because you want to have a romantic evening?

Anyway, enough ranting out of me...

i use angst

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3023

Icon 1 posted      Profile for rambler     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 

I agree 100% with everything you said. And I think that it is really very sad when people are in relationships where they feel pressured about these kinds of things. I think that if that kind of pressure is being put on you, then really the relationship ought to end, because it is not healthy and your concerns and needs are not being considered or met. And that really bothers me.

No matter how much you like someone, there are certain things which should not be stood for and which should be a sign that maybe there's been a mistake and this person isn't the one you thought he/she was. But I wish that more people would think about that before engaging in some activity which they know they don't want to, or shouldn't, do.

Visit -- Disability and Sexuality.
Or, find out how to join the teen discussion list
The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well.
--Joe Ancis

Posts: 141 | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3971

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ichiro     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Are then saying that it is wrong to have sex on your wedding night? That is an occasion. Where do you draw the line of when it is an occasion. Why do they say they are going to wear their birthday suit? Who cares about the occasion if they truly want to
Posts: 6 | From: WA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Gumdrop Girl     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ichiro, do you intend to get married solely for the purpose of sex? if so, then don't get married.

a birthday suit is a birthday suit because you're born in it. if you popped out of your mother wearing a floor-length Oscar de la Renta ball gown, then I suppose that would constitute your birthday suit.

you seemed to have missed the point of my post -- special occasions do not necessarily make for a valid reason to have sex. having sex just because it's such and such special occasion is not a real reason to start having sex.

i use angst

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

Icon 1 posted      Profile for LilBlueSmurf     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My grandmother was married for 3 months before her and my grandfather had sex for the first time ... she just wasn't ready. Is that wrong? I don't think so.
Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 1386

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Bobolink         Edit/Delete Post 
Given all this, I can't think of a reason why sex shouldn't be celebratory.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 06-08-2001).]

Posts: 3442 | From: Stirling, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ErinK     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I think the difference that Gummy's been trying to draw (which I'm not sure that I totally agree with) is the difference between sex being a celebration and sex being an expectation or an obligation.

"Oh, it's prom, I have to have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend because that's what couples do after prom" is different from "I want to have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend as part of the celebration of this moment."

I celebrate the love that my partners and I have for each other all the time by having sex with them -- but I don't expect that we have to have sex to consummate a moment, and I'd be wary of pressure from anyone that said that I had to have sex at a certain time or on a certain day in order to make that moment "special."


Posts: 3077 | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 78

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bettie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Many couples put high expectations on celebratory events and due to stress and physical exhaustation don't make to the "bedroom". Lots of my married firends just slept on their wedding night. Way too tired for actual sex of any kind.

In any case, putting pressure on yourself even if you are already having sexual intercourse, or any other kind of sex, is never a good idea.

Louise Lalonde
-Scarleteen Sexpert & Volunteer du Jour

"Glad to have a friend like you,
And glad to just be me"
-Carol Hall

Posts: 1060 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3