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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » For Those Special Moments...

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Author Topic: For Those Special Moments...
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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I've noticed some things around here lately that has been some cause for concern.

I know prom season just passed, and I've observed that a lot of people have been talking about having sex, losing their virginity, whatever have you after Prom.

I know it's common practice, but there's a lot of things people should be aware about.

Sex isn't about celebrating an occasion. Just because it is Prom, it's your anniversary, your significant other got into his/her choice of colleges, doesn't mean you have to have sex. Sex is about relationships with people, not the milestones they cross. There's better ways of celebrating things like that like going out to dinner or throwing a party.

What bothers me is that sometime people feel like because it's Prom, or because you've been together for a month, 6 months a year, it's the full moon, that you *have* to have sex. You are never obligated to have sex with someone. That's absurd, and that's not what consent is about. And just because it is Prom (or whatever other occasion), that doesn't necessarily make you ready to have sex. Too many people seem to make that mistake and they run into trouble later on.

It seems that occasions make people assume they have license to engage in unsafe activity. That's not true. it's like any other day; what's risky behavior one day will not suddenly become okay because it's the Grad Night.

What it comes down to is that if you're having sex because it's a "special day," then you're probably doing it for the wrong reason.

There's better way to mark your happy occasions than by having sex. And why not just have a nice romantic evening because you want to have a romantic evening?

Anyway, enough ranting out of me...

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i use angst


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
rambler
Activist
Member # 3023

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Amen!

I agree 100% with everything you said. And I think that it is really very sad when people are in relationships where they feel pressured about these kinds of things. I think that if that kind of pressure is being put on you, then really the relationship ought to end, because it is not healthy and your concerns and needs are not being considered or met. And that really bothers me.

No matter how much you like someone, there are certain things which should not be stood for and which should be a sign that maybe there's been a mistake and this person isn't the one you thought he/she was. But I wish that more people would think about that before engaging in some activity which they know they don't want to, or shouldn't, do.

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rambler
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ichiro
Neophyte
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Are then saying that it is wrong to have sex on your wedding night? That is an occasion. Where do you draw the line of when it is an occasion. Why do they say they are going to wear their birthday suit? Who cares about the occasion if they truly want to
Posts: 6 | From: WA | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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ichiro, do you intend to get married solely for the purpose of sex? if so, then don't get married.

a birthday suit is a birthday suit because you're born in it. if you popped out of your mother wearing a floor-length Oscar de la Renta ball gown, then I suppose that would constitute your birthday suit.

you seemed to have missed the point of my post -- special occasions do not necessarily make for a valid reason to have sex. having sex just because it's such and such special occasion is not a real reason to start having sex.

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i use angst


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Member # 1207

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My grandmother was married for 3 months before her and my grandfather had sex for the first time ... she just wasn't ready. Is that wrong? I don't think so.
Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Bobolink
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Given all this, I can't think of a reason why sex shouldn't be celebratory.

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We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.

- Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by Bobolink (edited 06-08-2001).]


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ErinK
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I think the difference that Gummy's been trying to draw (which I'm not sure that I totally agree with) is the difference between sex being a celebration and sex being an expectation or an obligation.

"Oh, it's prom, I have to have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend because that's what couples do after prom" is different from "I want to have sex with my boyfriend/girlfriend as part of the celebration of this moment."

I celebrate the love that my partners and I have for each other all the time by having sex with them -- but I don't expect that we have to have sex to consummate a moment, and I'd be wary of pressure from anyone that said that I had to have sex at a certain time or on a certain day in order to make that moment "special."

Erin


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bettie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 78

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Many couples put high expectations on celebratory events and due to stress and physical exhaustation don't make to the "bedroom". Lots of my married firends just slept on their wedding night. Way too tired for actual sex of any kind.

In any case, putting pressure on yourself even if you are already having sexual intercourse, or any other kind of sex, is never a good idea.

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Louise Lalonde
-Scarleteen Sexpert & Volunteer du Jour

"Glad to have a friend like you,
And glad to just be me"
-Carol Hall


Posts: 1060 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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