Recently my boyfriend and i had a talk about sex, i was having a reflective day, he'd just ended a soccer game, the weather was wonderfull, and we were walking through the park. So we were both very laid back, and just feeling good. I started sharing my revelations of the day with him, and we got to the point at which sex came up. I was telling him how i was thinking about having sex with another guy, and how in my mind i couldn't picture myself enjoying it, and i guess my motives weren't really good. That, as i was thinking about that i thought about having sex with him, and it was a very enjoyable thought. So then i started to think about what it ment to have sex, and what REALLY made it good. Anyway after discussion. we can to the conclsion that it was the manifistaion of love that made it good, and if thats not what you were in for, when you open that door, then it won't be good.
anyway. my question for all of you is?
what does sex mean? and how often do you think about it?
When i was a teenager the only reason to have sex really was to have fun. There wasn't any emotional part to it except excitement and pleasure. As i got older i realised that i wanted something more out of sex. I wanted sex not just for fun and excitement but also to feel emotionally close to someone and i realised not every guy was able to do this.
Posts: 28 | From: København, Denamrk | Registered: Feb 2001
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Really, being the age I am, and having had the life I have had, I have had many, many different varieties of sex. As an aside, do remember that penis/vagina intercourse is only one KIND of sex, and that we are not all heterosexual.
I cannot say that sex in which romantic love is a factor is always better than sex in which it is not. I just really can't, because I have had wonderful sex with friends or people who were ONLY sex or play partners, and really cummy sex with romantic partners. And the inverse, and everything in between.
As far as I am concerned, it is about pleasure and communication more than anything else, no matter who one is having it with. What we want often varies from partner to partner, day to day, year to year. And so long as we're honest with ourselves and others, and we engage in sex with a certain level of awareness, nearly any variety can be wonderful and pleasurable.
I have heard sex in so many different ways.
I think that sex, is love, committment and emotions. I have gone through many things with my partner, I had to trust myself and my partner before I could even let my boyfriend touch me. I never had a problem communicating with my boyfriend. I always thought that it was an important step in a relationship, and you couldnt get far with out it. My boyfriend and I talked about sex a lot. He told me when I was ready, then we would have sex. The first time we did have sex, I understood how emotional it can be. I think in some way that you learn something about you and your partner when you have sex, not just your first time with that person, but all the time.
------------------ *~*~12/3/99*~* *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)
I have never had sex nor been involved in any sexual activity. When I do decide to have sex with my partner, for me, it will be a about celebrating our love and commitment, being intimate, and enjoying ourselves.
When you think about it, every creature is capable of having penis/vagina intercourse. Heck, my rat can do it. But humans are capable of intimacy. When I have sex, I want my partner and me to enjoy being with each other and holding each other in our arms. I want us to kiss and hug and share ourselves with each other, because that's what sex is to me: A celebration of love that brings you intimacy.
------------------ Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow?
"Well, I use fertilizer and a new product I got at The Home Depot."
I too, have never had sex with anyone. For me, when I do I want it to be with someone who I love, so it would be a celebration of that. Basically Mary said it all: I want to have sex with someone who I can hold in my arms. Where it will not only be for pleasure, but to share the love, and an intimate moment, with that person. That's how I want it to happen, but that's definately not for everyone.
But I'm sure that sex without love or a long term relationship can be just as fulfilling and pleasurable. Sex means different things to different people. To some it may be to celebrate their love and to share an intimate moment. To others, it may be for pleasure. I'm sure it can be equally good either way. Also, keeping in mind that not everyone is heterosexual and that sex can be things other than just penis-vagina intercourse (although, I think you meant penis-vagina intercourse right?).
Oh yeah, I caught that slip-up too, Miz S. Though, I honestly thought you meant "cummy"- I figured I was missing something, and that I should just pretend like I knew what "cummy" meant. lol
In my measly little 1.5 years of being a sexually active person, I've had lots of different kind of sex with different people, and they were all different experiences. Some of it was good sex, some of it was okay sex, but that was independent of my relationship with the person. I've had one-hour-stands which were great fun and completely meaningless. I don't do that anymore because I've decided that I shouldn't be having sex just to get off and have something interesting to tell my friends when I get back from vacation. My current minimum requirements for sex is knowing the person's last name, knowing their favorite color, liking them, respecting them, trusting them, and that I would be friends with them. Generally, for all of those things to happen I need to know someone for at least a week. Granted, I'm having a lot less sex than I was having a year ago with an any-human-between-15-and-25 prerequisite for sex. However, I never have really bad sex with someone who I am emotionally closes to. If physical fireworks don't happen, at least I am being intimate with someone that I feel close to. I'll finish this post later, I have to show my mother something
"When you think about it, every creature is capable of having penis/vagina intercourse."
(I'm sorry, I would've made that quote all fancy-like, but my html is terrible)
Point being, not all of us do. I've only ever had sex with one person, my girlfriend, who I adore most certainly. It hasn't always been mind boggling, but those were the nights that we went at it, then held each other for hours afterwards, just talking (as opposed to collapsing into unconsciousness, which frequently happened on the mind-boggling nights.). Sex is an important part of our relationship, but it isn't the most important thing. We express love and desire through sex sometimes, and sometimes it's just a big throw-down romp. In short, I don't think I could define sex, not in a general way, anyway...
for me sex is a physical manifestation of an emotion. i've only had sex with one person, my current "guy" (i don't like the word boyfriend, don't know why) but not for lack of opportunity. i actualy ended up in a hotel room with some guy in toronto b/c i was planning on having sex with him....and i changed my mind about it at the last possible moment....and ended up hitting him in the head with the bible from the night stand to get his attention so i could tell him to stop. i also was going to have sex with a guy friend of mine who i have know for some time respect and all that other good stuff. but no. i dunno, i'm just not wired for sex without love. that's just my morals/wiring tho. some people are capable of seperating sex from love but i'm not one of 'em. rin
------------------ "-and i hope i'm not shooting my mouth off...again...and i pray i'm not tempting the fates....." -james, off millionaires
Might be worth a reminder that romantic love is only one sort of love. There are many, many kinds of love.
Even if we simply go by the archaic Greek divisions: eros (erotic or romantic love), philios (familial, friend or brotherly love) and agape (sympathy or empathy), it's clear (and life experience also usually illustrates this) that "love" is not simply romantic love, and even romantic love may not be simply that, and may have many forms and quantities.
So, when you're talking about people who have sexual interchanges outside prototypical romantic relationships, be sure you aren't leaping to the assumption that there is not always love involved, because in most cases, there is.
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