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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Fear of Pregnancy...and other assorted questions

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Author Topic: Fear of Pregnancy...and other assorted questions
Member # 3524

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Hello I know I'm not a girl so I know I'm not supposed to post here, but I figure I could get the best answers from girls themselves. My grilfriend is 17; we both love each other greatly. She and I have both had sex for the first time with each other. She seems to be extremely fearful of becoming pregnant though. Not to say that I'm not concerned myself. We have had intercourse a few times and I have used a condom each time. I know there is a failure rate and I know that pregnancy could happen. I'm wondering then why there are so many ads and web sites and awareness announcements saying to use protection to prevent STD's. Far less say to use them to prevent pregnancy. My question to girls out there is this then: how much do you worry about pregnancy when having sex? Does it effect you're desire and enjoyment of having it? I'm pretty sure that it takes away from my girlfriend's enjoyment somewhat. Her parents are also catholic and would insist on her having a child if she ever became pregnant.
There's also some other questions I had been wondering. I don't think that my girlfriend has had an orgasm, or has been able to consistantly have one. She had never masterbated previous to us going out. She says it is because it doesn't feel right and it feels better when someone else does it. I know myself, that's just me. I know exactly what makes me feel good to the point of climax. I told her that I need for her to help me out, not to just let me blindly go at it and hope that something happens. Is it just the practice and the time that she needs with herself and that she and I need together, or is it just not possible sometimes for a girl to have an orgasm? Don't get me wrong, there are definitely times when she enjoys it, but I just wonder if there is a point that she's not getting to. Could it be stress from parents interrupting and finding out? Could it be the fact that it's a fairly new experience? (she has reiterated to me her concerns that she thinks she ought to "be more loose by now"). Also, that's the other thing! I think it takes her a little while to "loosen up." I can't "rush in" so to speak, she says it hurts a bit. After a couple minutes she seems to loosen up though. Does any of this sound familiar or can any girl sympathize with anything I'm relaying? If so please respond. We don't all know everything and this is a good way to get to know some specific stuff.

Posts: 2 | From: USA | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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whoops, this place is girls only, so i gotta close the thread. sorry, but it's in the rules.

The Second Law of Thermodynamics states that the universe is constantly moving to a state of greater entropy s, therefore, delta s is always greater than zero.

Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 961

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If you're not a girl you can't post here, and that's all there is to it.
Moving to Sex Basics and Health

Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 589

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No one wants an unplanned pregnancy but if you're so worried about it, to the point of paranoia, then don't put yourself in a situation in which you can become pregnant. Don't have penis-vagina intercourse or do anything else that can bring semen anywhere near the vulva.

If you want to be safe, use a condom and another form of birth control, like the Pill or the Shot. Condoms prevent STD/STI transmission and also prevent pregnancies when used correctly. Now combine a condom with birth control pills and you're in pretty good shape.

As for her sexual response, here's a great article-
Sexual Response and Orgasm: A Users Guide

It would be a good idea to read these also:
Sex Readiness Checklist
Even if it isn't your first time, you should read it anyway. Lots of good info.

Birth Control Chart

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.

[This message has been edited by SlowCookie (edited 04-27-2001).]

Posts: 681 | From: Florida, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3250

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Hey Mickeyman, lots of questions in there..

There are more announcements saying to prevent STD's because they could ultimately kill you, ruin your whole body, and you can't get rid of them. Pregnancy doesn't have those risks.. you only grow a child inside you, and there are options to either abort it, put it up for adoption, or keep it.

There are precautions you can take to avoid worrying about pregnancy as much, for example, there is emergency contraception pills (you can get them from Planned Parenthood) but they can only be used within 72 hours of sex. And of course, the infamous pill, which prevents pregnancy pretty darn well. And there are several other methods..

If you're just using a condom, she probably worries a lot during sex (or atleast I did). This is because it has such a high risk compared to other methods (the pill, for example). And yes, worrying is a total turn off for most women. (I got over the worrying when I went on the pill and made aware to my parents that I was having sex - then it wouldn't be so odd if I told them I was pregnant)

Don't push your girlfriend to have an orgasm. I know a lot of people talk about 'that amazing body-shaking orgasm' but if you pressure her and make her think about getting one, she's going to worry (which prevents orgasms..). As long as she's having a good time, why worry about it? And yes, she can have an orgasm without previously masturbating (after all, she may not like masturbating). Usually a girl shakes when she becomes extremely aroused, but don't take my word on that.. look around this site for orgasm articles, they should hold your answer.

A range of items could get a girl to turn off, yes this could be stress from parents' interruption or a new experience, but find a secluded place.. most likely the 'new experience' feelings will go away in time.

Yes, when one begins to have sex, the girl needs to relax and loosen up first. We can't just jump into it without being turned on! Take your time and don't pressure her to have sex quick (not that you do..) and remember foreplay! Foreplay is very relaxing and should get her ready for sex (and when you think she's ready, add five minutes).

I think that answered all of your questions, but those are from my perspective so don't take them as gospel. Just remember to take your time, you're still young! You have plenty of time to enjoy yourselves.


Posts: 63 | From: Massachusetts | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2050

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I think pregnancy is something that many people are fearful about. Both guys and girls. And yes, the only way to be 100% safe is by not having sex.

So the only thing we can really tell you to do is if you are worried about pregnancy, get a back up contraception like the birth control pill which will help reduce chances of pregnancy should the condom break or slip off.

Invest in good quality condoms which are less likely to break, we like Durex and Kimono. Make sure your condom fits well so it is less likely to slip off. Also read up on the fab articles SlowCookie directed you to. Things like emergency contraception are essential to read up on. And keep the Planned Parenthood Association's number at hand, make sure your gf goes for regular checkups.

But bottomline, if the both of you are going to worry continuously even after having taken all the precautionary measures, maybe you just aren't ready to have sex. It might be a good idea to cool off the sexual relationship until you both feel you are really ready.

If she says sex tends to hurt, keep a good lube like Astroglide around. And as for orgasms, let her take it at her own pace. Experiment and find out what she likes and dislikes.

But seriously, it doesn't sound like she is too comfortable with a sexual relationship right now. It could be because of her upbringing or it could be a million and one reasons. I think you should have a good talk with her and see if having a physical relationship is what you guys really want and are ready for now.

Posts: 2294 | From: Singapore | Registered: Dec 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3551

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why can't guys get in on this too? It's been proven above that they have questions as well.. darn good questions too..why can't their minds be put at ease too?? you know what im saying?
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Member # 961

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Angel, I don't think I do.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1371

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the thread was originally posted in the ladies room, where only female posters are allowed, and then it got moved to sex basics and health so that guys could get in on it too.

so, that's why there's those postings up there saying "no boys allowed." no worries, now.


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Member # 2870

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Well, when I started having sex with my girlfriend, I was rather worried abour pregnancy; we both were. When she got blood spots out of time with her period, it was a little nerve-wracking for the both of us, but in the end, she wasn't pregnant, and although I pretty much knew she couldn't be after going through our sexual encounters in my head (nice!), I was worried too.

But, after she went on the pill a month or two into our relationship, all became well, and the only worry I have is what happens if she forgets to take a pill (I'm sure I'll find the answer somewhere on this site ).

It's a bit similar with orgasms... she didn't come well into our relationship, when I'd learnt what she likes, how to make love to her in the best possible way.

Just get in some practise, you'll find out how to have great sex without worrying too

Posts: 105 | From: London | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 3551

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I see.. sorries about that guys
Posts: 12 | Registered: Apr 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 2254

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The first time I ever had intercourse also turned out to be my longest cycle EVER--42 days. I'm usually very regular (28-30 days), and believe me, we were terrified, even though we'd used condoms. I took two pregnancy tests, and both came out negative, but I STILL wonder if fertilization took place and it just spontaneously didn't work out. I've never been so late before or since.

So anyway, worrying is normal, and good--few things are as serious as the possibility of creating new sentient life. Concerns are justified, and they need to be addressed--finding a level of risk/safety that's comfortable (from using condoms, to combining three or four forms of control, to abstaining from procreative sex), finding a way of dealing with concern that does arise, and if you choose to continue having that kind of sex, discussing in detail what will happen if she does get pregnant. As long as it's a possibility, it has to be one that you're both prepared to face.

Best of luck.

Posts: 257 | From: Sarasota, FL | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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