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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » If I Knew Now What I Knew Then... (Page 3)

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Author Topic: If I Knew Now What I Knew Then...
dailicious
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I enjoyed reading this topic, and this isn't to say anything badly about anyone, but it made me realize how smart I feel in making the decision I chose to make.

I have a couple of friends who think my boyfriend and I got involved in sex too soon, and we actually did go into things pretty quickly. Three weeks into the relationship and he was my first.

I'm still with him today and we are very in love and still have great sex.


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hoosierhoops
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My first time was while I was drunk, with someone I had known for an hour, but I don't sit around wishing that part had gone differently - in hindsight, it doesn't matter to me as much as it probably should, but that's life. I had a one-night stand, and that's what happened. However, I do wish that I'd been more assertive about my wants and needs, that I had insisted he wear a condom during oral sex, and that I'd had more control over the situation. Instead of being concerned about my health and safety, I was afraid he would laugh at me. Now I know that no decent guy would laugh at me in that kind of situation.
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CEC523
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I'm sixteen and I lost my virginity in early February. At the time, I was not yet on the pill. When I started thinking about having sex with my boyfriend, I considered being on the pill a prerequisite. Yet, when we actually decided to go ahead and "go all the way" I wasn't on the pill. I had a gynecolegist appointment around the 20th.. and I lost my virginity the 2nd. All in all, I just caused myself a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

To top things off, after my first gyn appointment, my mother got a call from one of the nurses in the office who told my mother that I had to call her back as soon as possible. My mother called me (I was in driver's ed) in a panic and was like, "Did they give you a urine test?" And I was like, "No! They can't find out if you're pregnant from a pap smear either.. right?" I had to sit through another hour of traffic rules, sweating, before I got home and called the gyn office. After all that, they were only calling to tell me that I had a UTI. ::sighs::

Anyway, now that I've gone off on a tangent. I would have been more prepared with my birth control instead of relying on condoms only. Saved myself from extreme worry.


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RUDeelite08
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this is an awesome topic...
anyways wanted to comment on two things what fairie said about "I also wish that we would have waited until we knew each other much better, and we were more comfortable with each other sexually. (we did things kind of backwards, sex first then everything else)" and what dailicious said "Three weeks into the relationship and he was my first."...
I lost my virginity two months ago to my current boyfriend...it was two weeks after i met him and 3 days into us dating...I don't regret what we did or how soon we did because leading up to it i wanted to have sex anyway and i know he is a person that even if we were to split up i would be satisfied to say that he was my first...
Sex has always been something that i took very seriously..my parents are extremely closeminded about sex which is why they were not included in my happy news :)...I wanted to be held after the event and i wanted to be in love...Most of my friends were shocked that i did it so quickly but what i learned was that the time was right...condoms were used i was on the pill and i was 19 years old and most importantly i wanted to take the mystery away from sex i was so so curious!
so what did i learn? that sex was not earth shattering...that u can fall in love with someone more and more each day it is not an instant process..and that what happens is meant to happen and you can't regret a decision you made...

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kaitjarbeau
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I was 15 and a half when I first had sex with my then-boyfriend, and I do not regret a single thing we did. We talked about it openly, bought condoms together, I reccomended Scarleteen for some reading for him and we made sure we both knew how condoms go on.

We're broken up now but no hard feelings. He's leaving for college in the fall, and as he has a bit of growing up to do which I think college may allow him to partake in. I hope he meets a sweet girl there and I'm also glad that he can say that his first sexual expirience was not traumatic and regretable.


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bluefreak44
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Well, I didn't have sex until 11 months and 3 days ago. It may seem kinda odd that I know the date to the day, but it was also my wedding night, so it's pretty easy to remember.

I really don't regret anything. We were both virgins, and it was really romantic. His mom had reserved a king jacuzzi suite at the Holiday Inn for us. We tried to have sex several times, but honestly never got very far. He's about 6'3" 240, and I'm about 5'2" 120, and he's pretty much big all over and I'm pretty much small all over (my nurse practitioner, who I go to for my pap tests, says I'm one of the smallest girls she's seen, at least in that respect). We would try, he could tell that I was hurting, and we would stop and try something else (cuz there were so many fun things we'd never done before!). The jacuzzi tub was really romantic. And he was a total gentleman. And he really saw symbolism in him removing my white gown, and we removing his white tux.

One reason I really don't regret is that I just felt so free. Honestly, it wasn't easy to wait, and sometimes we made out before we were married it was hard to hold back. Aside from moral issues, I held back because I felt odd losing my virginity in my parents' house, I was afraid of getting caught, and I didn't want to have to admit that we went against our morals and had sex. We didn't have to worry about that on our wedding night. Everyone knew we were gonna have sex, and we didn't feel any guilt. Our families and friends completely supported us. My mother-in-law even reserved the honeymoon suite and bought me lingerie!

However, aside from sex itself, I wish my husband and I had moved more slowly with the physical aspect of our relationship, when we were dating. I learned that if you plan on waiting until you're married to have sex, and it's gonna be a few years before you can/will get married, you should take things slowly. As a relationship progresses emotionally, it's natural to want to progress it physically. But it's hard to go from holding hands to kissing to making out in the first 3 months, and then have to put on the breaks for the next 2 years. I wish I would've understand that then.

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YellowPlums
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Sorry if this comes out a little choppy:
I had a good first sex experience (I was 19). My boyfriend and I have been going out for a little over a year now but we were friends for two years before hand. (We actually met pretty randomly. Backpacking through mountains in Washington state. I'm from NY and he's from PA... but that's another story.) Because we were such good friends, we knew each other's past history and discussed sex a for awhile before we actually had it. (We weren't going out at the time and I had told him earlier I wasn't ready. He was okay with it and never pushed me).

A month before we had sex, my best friend was killed in a car accident. I was a mess and my (now) bf was there for me 24/7. I'm really not sure about how I was feeling at the time I told him I was ready. I think it may have been that I just wanted to feel loved. We had feelings for each other before the death, so it wasn't "I need someone to love me right now! You'll do" type thing.

Overall it wasn't the most romantic experience and I think at the time we were both a little nervous doing such a thing. But I have absolutely no regrets. He ended up asking me out a month later and everything's been wonderful since. [Smile]

[ 05-28-2006, 08:29 PM: Message edited by: YellowPlums ]

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"We have to continually be jumping off cliffs and developing our wings on the way down." -Kurt Vonnegut

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MaryTheGypsy
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I only lost my virginity recently actually.

If I could change anything, it would be two things. . .

One, I would have used protection correctly. The condom hadn't been put on correctly, and slipped off. Nothing bad came of it, but it made me SO freaked out, and I haven't had a chance to get tested since, so a lingering worry will remain till I get one.

Also, I would have waited longer. I had known him for a year, and we'd been dating for three months. . .But it just feels like we rushed things. I'm only 16. Eh, oh well.

Other than that, it was a beautiful experience.

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~Mary

“People out there must be told about the self-loathing that follows rape and how it's the greatest breakage in divine law to mutilate themselves, as I have done.” Tori Amos

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MarilynMonroe
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Well, I lost my virginity two days ago and if I knew what I knew now, I would have had the ability to say no. I have a problem with saying no to people, like sharing food or something, but I never knew I was so unable to reject when it came to my virginity.

I am trying to not feel regretful, and I have been getting really great advice about that today! But I can't help but feel a little remorse when I think about it. I have considered my virginity to be a very important thing, and while I was willing to lose my virginity to my current boyfriend, I wanted to do it when I have nothing on my mind but HIM. Instead, right now, I have exams and papers on my mind, and when we did do it, I had to wake up the next day and think about my papers.

If I could change what I did 2 days ago, I would wait for a better time to do it. And, while I realize I can look back on it and laugh that I did it in my MESSY room, I still feel a little annoyed that I wasn't in a hotel with rose petals everywhere and candels...Haha, oh those fantasies.

I've learned that saying no is okay and healthy. Being able to reject is not always a bad thing, in this case, for me, is was probably the better thing. But I've learned now the importance of knowing my boundaries and being able to take a stance on my feelings, whether or not I feel they are ridiculous or embaressing.

Being 17 and seeing my current boyfriend from 6 1/2 months is not how I imagined it to be. But imagination is called imagination for a reason, and while it would be nice to have exactly what you want to happen, it just wouldn't be as fun! Sometimes, we all go through things we don't want or expect to happen, but that's a journey of growth, and going through it right now is an interesting process.

I'm learning about myself each minute and I've realized that we will always have firsts in our lives and they wont always be good or what we want or expect it to be. So why should losing my virginity not follow that life fact? If the first time is good, great! Bad, or not meeting the expectations, that's geat too! Virginity is like everything else in life; the experience can be good or bad. It's just how you look at it and how you learn from it. Move on a wiser person and you'll always be happy.

(Wow, I should just type my thoughts more often! This was a GREAT learning experience for me!)

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honeybunchesofoats
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i lost my viginity almost a year ago now when I was 18, and i still regret it. The guy was my best friend, and I had always had a huge thing for him, we had even dated briefly a year before we had sex. I did the same thing a lot of girls do..I thought if I slept with him, things would change, and we would end up together. That's not what happened at all. I found out from his girlfriend that they had gotten back together, less then a month later. We almost never talk at all anymore. Now I'm with a wonderful guy, who I love a lot, and now losing my virginity with that guy seems like such a waste. If I could go back, I would of been a lot smarter about it.
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MarilynMonroe
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Well, I lost my virginity two days ago and if I knew what I knew now, I would have had the ability to say no. I have a problem with saying no to people, like sharing food or something, but I never knew I was so unable to reject when it came to my virginity.

I am trying to not feel regretful, and I have been getting really great advice about that today! But I can't help but feel a little remorse when I think about it. I have considered my virginity to be a very important thing, and while I was willing to lose my virginity to my current boyfriend, I wanted to do it when I have nothing on my mind but HIM. Instead, right now, I have exams and papers on my mind, and when we did do it, I had to wake up the next day and think about my papers.

If I could change what I did 2 days ago, I would wait for a better time to do it. And, while I realize I can look back on it and laugh that I did it in my MESSY room, I still feel a little annoyed that I wasn't in a hotel with rose petals everywhere and candels...Haha, oh those fantasies.

I've learned that saying no is okay and healthy. Being able to reject is not always a bad thing, in this case, for me, is was probably the better thing. But I've learned now the importance of knowing my boundaries and being able to take a stance on my feelings, whether or not I feel they are ridiculous or embaressing.

Being 17 and seeing my current boyfriend from 6 1/2 months is not how I imagined it to be. But imagination is called imagination for a reason, and while it would be nice to have exactly what you want to happen, it just wouldn't be as fun! Sometimes, we all go through things we don't want or expect to happen, but that's a journey of growth, and going through it right now is an interesting process.

I'm learning about myself each minute and I've realized that we will always have firsts in our lives and they wont always be good or what we want or expect it to be. So why should losing my virginity not follow that life fact? If the first time is good, great! Bad, or not meeting the expectations, that's geat too! Virginity is like everything else in life; the experience can be good or bad. It's just how you look at it and how you learn from it. Move on a wiser person and you'll always be happy.

(Wow, I should just type my thoughts more often! This was a GREAT learning experience for me!)

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kitka
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losing my virginity with that guy seems like such a waste

See the articles on the main page of ST re: virginity. They should explain quite a bit.

Girls can tend to have regretful feelings about first time sex for a variety of reasons - not the least of which is the emotions that it conjures up, and the misguided importance that many cultures place on virginity. More than anything, wacked-out cultural mores are responsible for making you feel like you "wasted" part of your life.

What's important is that you were close to the guy you had sex with, and that at that moment, he treated you properly. So MANY girls have first time sex anonymously and under duress. You weren't one of those girls - you didn't waste anything or make a horrible decision.

Nobody can predict how a relationship will end up. It's a bad idea to predicate a relationship's success on sex, but beyond that, all dating experiences, especially those that involve sex, will never be entirely free of regrets and torn feelings. You may date a guy when you're 28, break up with him, and wish you hadn't done the deed! I lost my virginity to a guy who was very caring, and I was much older than most girls. Four months later and we're not dating each other anymore. Do I feel bad about it sometimes? Yeah, but it's not a huge deal. He cared about me then - that's the most important part.

Marilyn - what you have to say is on the spot - and it's good to see that you're well-adjusted and taking things in stride.

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domncroxd
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My first sexual encounter was third-basing my ex. I wish that I had controlled that sexual urge and saved it for someone that I knew I would be with for a longer time. I've recently lost my virginity to my current boyfriend (who was also a virgin until we both decided to do it), and I'm happy with my decision as he treats me well and never forced me to do anything against my will.

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still flowin on the river of life...and i have no regrets.

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oOo Lea oOo
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Virginity was never a big thing to me, really. I really don't consider myself to have ever been a virgin.

If I ever had identified as a virgin, I most certainly would not consider being raped as loosing my virginity (I hadn't had intercourse before that time)

I also don't consider the first time I did have intercourse as loosing my virginity simply because I spent the two and a half years between the two incidents exploring my sexuality, researching anything regarding it, and getting more intouch with my body.

I wouldn't say I regret anything sexual from my past. If I could change anything, I doubt I would. Yea, the situations I have been in haven't been the best, or the easiest, and being raped is no picnic, but if it hadn't been for those situations, I wouldn't know as much about sexuality that I do now.

I wouldn't have taken the time to explore and research. I probably wouldn't be as 'safe'as I am now. I probably would be hesitant on screenings and birth control simply because most of my friends are very irresponsible about it.

ya know, I probably wouldn't have found this site.

I wouldn't have found the other resources I had to teach me about safer sex, std's, emergency contraception, different and more safer brands of condoms and lubricant, being more aroused will cause less pain, being able to easily say, "no, not now" and stand to my limitations and boundaries, or heck, have limitations and boundaries.

I probably would have relied on my friends, and seeing how they are constantly having risks, both pregnancy and STD/STI, I'm glad I got the resources I did.

I guess, if I hadn't been raped when I was 15, if I had a boyfriend who I was completely inlove with or if my boyfriend now would have been in my life then, maybe 'virginity' would have been a bigger deal for me, and maybe it could have meant something, but that wasn't the case for me . .

And ya know what, I am fine with that.

Thats my bit. [Smile]

[ 05-30-2006, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: oOo Lea oOo ]

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And I say thank you for the scars
And the guilt and the pain
Every tear I've never cried
Has sealed your fate.
Did you take me for a fool
or were you just too blind to see
that every effort made has failed
and there is no destroying me?
Atreyu

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pastybrunette
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I lost my virginity about a year ago to my first serious boyfriend, who turned out to be an idiot (of course). He had had sex before me (although I never asked who/what/where/when/why and if he'd been tested). I thought I loved him at the time, but I probably just said it to make myself feel better. The 3rd time we had sex (his prom), the condom broke, and he told me that I "should probably take care of that." Sensitive, eh? (PS: I did get the morning after pill, and everything was alright)

I don't regret losing my virginity. I kind of see it as a "well, I'm glad THAT's out of the way." kind of thing. Practice makes perfect, right?

The only thing I really regret... is not losing my virginity to my one real love. It would have seemed way too soon (we met on a trip to Whistler, British Columbia, and only knew each other 3 days. I'm from Ontario, and he's from California, but goes to boarding school in Vermont), but it would have been beautiful and honest and pure and would have meant way more to me. We still talk, and I still think about it all the time. The last time we had a serious discussion about sex, he said he was still a virgin, waiting for the right girl (maybe it's conceited, but I hope that it's me!). I was supposed to visit him in Vermont this past month, but he told me that he has a girlfriend at the moment, so if I did visit, it would just be as friends. I totally wouldn't be able to handle that.

It's a long shot, but there's still hope in my heart that we'll see each other again. <3

Currently, I'm in a wicked friends with benefits relationship that I couldn't be happier about. We can talk openly about everything, and the physical things we do are fun and happy and meaningful in ways other than romantic. We haven't had sex together, but we think it'll happen soon. It's a pretty good deal, and I feel very comfortable with it.

[ 05-30-2006, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: pastybrunette ]

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Gumdrop Girl
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I think it's good to be retrospective introspective.

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LA County STD Hotline 1.800.758.0880
Toll free STD and clinic information, and condoms sent to your door for Los Angeles County residents.
1 in 3 sexually active people will be exposed to a STD by the time they turn 24.

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torchwoodthehub
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i wish i didnt trust someone that in my heart i did t trust i wish i didnt believe him and i wish he understood the word no
i wish i didnt let acohol rule my brain
and i wish that i had never done it cos i am still not ready
also one of my first sexual partners was in a garden with cameras and 10 people watching and the photos still exist so
but if i knew then what i know now i dont think i could change some of it and the rest made me me but i wish i used condoms so i dont have to get tested which i have to now

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His_Lil_Angel
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i think i made the right choice about my first time.
my boyfriend at the time asked me from 1 month in the relasionship if we could do it. we were both virgins. he was 16 i was 15. we did it on december 2006 on christmas eve. i had only been with him from october 8th 2006, so d been with him almost 3 months. he had protection and we used it.
i gave into his asking me because i was curious of what it felt like and id always thought about it and how it would feel. so i turned round to him and said lets do it.
we split up a few months later, but i never once regretted it. i slept with him a couple of weeks ago, spur or the moment thing, (we hadnt seen eachother since we split up till a few weeks ago) and he still hadnt changed with his technique, and a year later i am still his only sexual partner. hes stil as rubbish as ever lol bless him.
iv learnt alot through sex from a few partners. and i have an idea of what i like and don't, loosing my virginity was all part of growing up. i was young yes, but being so 'prepared' and knowing of everything, i think takes out the fun.
i am 16 naw and my last 3 boyfriends have been over 19. the younger boy doesnt understand about 'good' sex.
thats my personal opinion. i now have a very good sex life and i wouldnt turn around and change anything. =D

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poppybluefrogs
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my first time was two days after valentines day in 2005. If i knew then what i knew now i would have waited longer. i was 16 at the time and thought we loved each other and that everything would work out despite the obvious problems we had. I also wish i'd said what i liked earlier on, because by the time i learnt to speak up about it, it was too late and he never tried to change for me. I don't think i was too young but i think i was too naive about love = sex and sex = love.

My new partner is a lot more attentive and always makes sure that i'm enjoying myself. I've also learnt that when you truly do love the man you're with it means more than just sex and it means you can vary it too from pure lust sex to slow love making and its just as special every time.

I don't necessarily regret losing my virginity, but there was a sense of sadness to the fact that the man i am in love with now wasn't my first. But it just makes it even more special now that i can be intimate with him in a way i never could with my ex because we both know sex can bond us closer.

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Tetris
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I kinda wish I had waited longer. I was 16 and really confused. Me and my boyfriend both were I guess. We were both in our first dating relationship. It took us a year and a half of dating to kiss, but after that kiss it went downhill. Fast. After the kiss it took us 4 months until we had sex for the first time. We were too scared to go buy condoms and we had unprotected sex for over a year until I got put on the pill.

I realize now how lucky I got to have never gotten pregnant.

Like a lot of people, I wished I had learned to tell him what felt good or bad earlier, I was in a lot of pain but I just assumed it was supposed to be that way. He got really mad when I told him that. [Smile] Now he makes sure to ask and I make sure to tell.

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Rayyviin
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UMM i dont know. i feel trapped and confused and i saw the word " virgin " in this article so i firgured i would ask what has been bothering me. Well this GUY at my school { Christian } is soo hott & we met when i was like 11 and we hadnt seen each other for 2 years then i moved schools and BAM there he is again.!! he was on my bus and when he saw me he like went RAVENN and tackeled me in the seat butt he is a year older then me & is in high school but i really like him & he keeps telling people that we made out and stuff in his old neighborhood so im assuming he likes me a little bit butt his step brother is a STRAIGHT UP PERVERT. like i heard his step brother talking on the bus and was like " im gonna tittyfuck miranda." it really pissed me off cause now i think that if me & CB get together all he is gonna wanna do is have sex & im a virgin . Im soo confused please point me in the right direction. Dont tell me i should avoid him or nothing because i love him soo much with all my heart. We shared soo many special moments together. he was my first kiss and everything. and he is soo sweet i know he is before that stupid step brother moved in with him he was the sweetest boy ever and now he talks to people like he has hadd sex with every girl in the world and braggs about it but when it is just me & him he goes back to my same little chrisian again. [Frown]

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- * Raven :) <3

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Tashi
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While I'm still a "technical virgin" (haven't had vaginal intercourse yet), but my boyfriend and I still have a wonderfully fulfilling sex life.

My current boyfriend of a year is the first person that I've really ever been sexual with, and looking back, I can't say that there is a lot I regret/would have done differently. Once we started getting more serious in the physical aspect of our relationship, he always asked what I wanted and made sure I was ok with everything, and we have always been safe. I was also his first girlfriend, so it was actually amazingly wonderful to be able to find out and experiment with our sexualities together.

I don't know if I would change this, but in some ways, I wish that we had progressed more in the "correct order" of things. We somehow went from making out to dry sex, skipping manual/oral activities. Though after I pointed this out, we've been backtracking and exploring each other very intimately, and it's probably the most fun I've had, sexually!

We both think that we're ready to have sex, though, and have talked about it a lot. We are hoping to be able to share our "first times" with each other over winter break in a few months. I believe that it will be a wonderful experience (not in a romanticized way, but sharing it with him. Scarleteen has been invaluable in researching and preparing for it though!) and I hope I won't regret it.

Posts: 101 | From: USA | Registered: Jul 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
BriAnne86
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Member # 48343

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Though I'm still a virgin, I do have a few "regrets"...ok well maybe not regrets, really, but things I can look back on and maybe wish I'd seen things differently.

For one, I wish I hadn't gotten into a serious relationship so young, and for so long. I started seeing someone in HS, when I was 14. We dated for 8 years. While he wasn't a bad guy, I realize now that though I love him, I wasn't IN love. Unfortunately, if I'd allowed myself to have more experiences instead of clinging to him because I was comfortable there, I might have discovered that a lot sooner.

Now, with someone new at age 24, I realize that there were a lot of things I was missing out on because I didn't know what to expect the first time around, and assumed that things were normal. Granted, things weren't BAD; he didn't abuse me, never pressured me, and was there for me most of the time, but I realize that something was missing and I've found more of that now.

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