see, antonio, when you ask these questions, i never really know if you're taking a survey and trying to figure out the "average" opinion of the ST reader, or if you're honestly interested in the individual opinions of the people who reply. do you see what i'm saying?
anyway, i don't think this question can really be answered. i think different things about sex at different times, you know? becaus sex is a lot of different things, and each of those things means a different thing to me at different times and with different partners. sex can be exultation or self-deprecation, it can be joyful or traumatic...the list goes on and on.
and honestly, i think i would have answered the same way back when i was a "virgin," you know? your friends are oversimplifying.
------------------ Once in awhile you get shown the light in the strangest of places if you look at it right. -The Grateful Dead
You know, books, mags, TV shows, most media aimed at teens makes it sound like losing your virginity is a really life-changing moment. Like, as soon as a penis and vagina touch for the very first time, it transforms their owners into something very different from what they were before in their appearance, emotions, outlook on life, you name it. When I was still very much a virgin, by any definition of the word, I had certain viewpoints on sex, politics, and everything else. I was of medium build, and had long hair. My emotions were, well, what they've always been. When I decided to have sex . . . nothing changed. My viewpoints remained the same, I looked the same, if a bit rumpled, my emotions didn't change. Sex is likely about the same to you as it'll ever be.
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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Like you Milke, I think I had media influenced illusions about sexual intercourse. When I first had it I was blown away by how I felt -specifically that I didn't feel any different.
It was the same thing when I first got my period. All those dorky books they gave out in school from the Kotex people made it sound so incredible. I felt absolutely the same except for the sense of it all being anti-climatic.
I have been having partnered sex for some 12 years now. I have never been a romantic person so the whole idea of "making love" is lost on me. However, I have had some amazing experiences and some down right yucky ones and whole bunch in between. Just because two people are sexually attracted to one another does not mean they are going to have good sex.
Mostly, I see partnered sex as one of many possible ways to be close to someone, but there are also other ways to do that. I don't have sex with my sister, but I feel incredibly connected to her.
------------------ Louise Lalonde -Scarleteen Sexpert & Volunteer du Jour
"Glad to have a friend like you, And glad to just be me" -Carol Hall
It differs, it really differs. It depends on time, mood, situation. I quite like how glitter put it - "it can be anything you want it to be". In the 6 years that I've been having sex, I've had different kinds of sex, different partners, different relationship scenarios and one night stands. And "Sex" has differed because of all those variables.
So if you're struck for terminology, my partner and I, we have sex and we make love and do a zillion other things. It simply differs. In general, sleeping with my partner is something that is a part of our relationship, a normal part (when we're on the same continent, that is). We enjoy it, it's definitely fun (and something during which we laugh) we sometimes do often, we sometimes don't. It can be relaxing or invigorating, it can be anything, really. It's not the "thing that connects us" because we connect through words and a zillion of other things that are not intercourse. However, If we haven't seen each other for a while, for me, it's a deeper form of "recognizing him" to make love to him. - A physical way to show that what's between us is *real*. (duh, that sounds kitschy). I really enjoy sleeping with my partner. Not only for the physical sensations, but because it's him, really. And because it's something we share and because it's something we enjoy together.
(And all that sounds kinda dumb. Am lost for words. And that doesn't happen that often to me, does it?)
You know, Antonio, when anything is brand new to you, it can be a far bigger deal then it is later.
So, it isn't surprising to me that your fereinds describe it that way. In high school, when I was first really sexually active, I probably would have said something similar -- it was a very big rush, I found it really thrilling and it seemed more intense than a lot of other things.
That isn't so say it can't be those things now that I'm in my thirties, because it can. However, I tend to consider it one of many, many parts of my life which are just as integral and exciting.
And it really does depend on who you are, who you're with, and how you're feeling. Sex with someone (regardless of the type of sex) can be everything from totally mind-blowing to an absolute bore. I'd be dishonest if I didn't say there weren't times in my life when I became sexually engaged with someone and fifteen minutes into the thing thought "God, will this *ever* end? WHAT was I thinking?" It happens.
Sex can be all of the things you described and much more, because it is a reflection of our emotions, and our feelings for ourselves and whoever our partner may be, so just like those feelings can be all over the map, so can our sexual experiences which MANIFEST those feelings.
(By the way, Antonio, I'm personally really proud of you. In a short time here, you've come a long way, kiddo.)
thanks everyone. i really value your insights.
i never knew a whole lot of you have had experiences but I guess those were natural.
umm... what can I say ? My virginity ( no.. i have never had physical contact with a girl. No breast touching. no nothing on the body. Just kissing on the lips twice and holding hands were all i've been through )... is something i'm not pressured about losing.
I'm at my sexual peak which is true because i'm 20. Even though I can control my urges/desires... i am always curious about sex. How does it feel and what is it like ?
Its wonderful that you arent pressured by sex, because thats the only reason why SOME people have sex. Its always wise to have any kind of sex when you are ready, not because you are pressured by it. Good Job Antonio
------------------ *~*~12/3/99*~* *~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)
*lol* The only thing which probably would be really sick would be actually spanking the poor monkey.
Not one for cruelty towards animals too.
But as PoetGirl said, masturbation is perfectly normal and there is absolutely nothing sick about it. Read Hanne's fab article on masturbation for a greater understanding on the subject, if you haven't already.
I'm going to suggest something: how can anyone know in the present if they are at their peak?
In other words, we only know when we are at the peak of a mountain when we can see the valleys all around us.
If you do not know what the rest of your life holds for you in terms of your sexuality (and none of us do), you cannot truly say you are at "your peak," at any given time.
When you're 40, or 60, or better still, 80 -- THEN it'll be easy to look at the whole of your life and see the peaks and valleys, but until then, you stand to really limit yourself by assuming you're at a peak when you really only know what is behind you, not what is before you.
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