Antonio, I'm sorry that it's so inconvenient for you to take some time and read that article but think of it this way. If you simply clicked on the article link, of which you didn't even have to search for, you would get your info much quicker, not to mention it is more indepth. If you wanted Hanne to explain everything right here, she might as well go copy and paste the article. Really antonio, which one makes more sense? Click.
------------------ You know, Hobbes, sometimes even my lucky rocketship underpants donít help. -Calvin
Seriously? Most of the smart women I know would think:
"Cool. A guy who actually cares enough to find out what women's bodies are really like. I bet he actually gives a darn."
A great many straight men seem to think that it's "icky" to know too much about women's bodies. It doesn't exactly make women feel all warm and fuzzy to hear that a guy thinks our bodies are gross or icky. It also doesn't bode well for a guy knowing how to be a good lover, if he doesn't know anything about our bodies. A guy who actually takes the time to learn about our bodies is one who's much more likely to like us as women... and one who's much more likely to have a real clue about how our bodies work and what kinds of things we might like sexually.
I'm all for it. I personally would be about 110 times more likely to strike up a conversation with a guy sitting on the bus reading "Our Bodies Our Selves" (a classic book about women's bodies and health) than I would be to strike up a conversation with a guy sitting on the bus reading "Sports Illustrated."
uhhh... comon... are you serious you would strike a conversation with any guy reading articles about women and for women ? Hanne and slowcookie ? (note: i'm not ranting. Just shocked and surprised )
well... uhh... I thought.... I thought most women would brand men as perves catching them reading those stuffs. NOt that I'm a perve or anything but I do want to learn more about women...their bodies... what they like sexually... and so forth.
I'm still currently single and I haven't gone out on a date or formed any relationship with some women in my college. I hear that they think I'm cute... most of them... but not all.
Did I tell you I'm hearing impaired ? No ? I think what I need help in is socially communicating. But how hard is it to tell a woman that i'm different ?
There's a WORLD of difference between a guy reading something that would make them out to be a sexual con artist (for instance, if he were reading a book called "How To Make Your Woman Beg For more") and a guy reading something intelligent and sensible about women's bodies and women's lives (for instance, "Our Bodies, Our Selves" or any of the articles about women's bodies at Scarleteen).
Men who make it obvious through their actions -- learning about women's issues, being a good friend regardless of gender, not trying to be inappropriately sexual or sexually aggressive, being supportive of women's rights and women's efforts generally -- and show that they want to be allies with women usually end up being allies with women. They end up having women friends, women confidantes, and women who think they're pretty damned fabulous. They can have male friends too, of course, there's no limit. But every single man I've ever known who made an obvious and honest committment to being friendly and supportive to women has ended up with an awful lot of women friends... and, in many cases, pretty good romantic/sexual relationships with women as well.
Women are NOT another species. We're not from another planet. We like it when people are interested in what we do and who we are and what our lives are like. So does anybody.
Miz Scarlet and I both have chosen partners who are men who are pro-woman, who are feminist, and who care about women's issues (my life partner actually has a degree in women's studies, which is rare for a male-identified person to have). These are guys who not only read about women's issues and women's bodies, but who passionately care about women's issues and women's bodies and health... and not just because they think it'll get them laid. They just genuinely care about women because they genuinely care about *people*.
And they seem to have done A-OK in the finding-a-girlfriend department.
As for your hearing disability, remember that these things are a two-way street. Many people without disabilities get very nervous and scared about dealing with someone who *does* have a disability. They're not sure what to do, what the rules are, whether the person is "different" in some weird way that they might easily offend them, et cetera. So it is going to take some extra effort, in many cases, to figure out how to be social with people who aren't sure what to do, socially, with a person who has a disability. And it's going to take some extra effort on *their* part as well, because they have to figure it out from their side too.
Honestly, on both counts, hanging out with the women's studies crowd might do you some good. People who are aware of gender biases and feminist issues are in general a lot more likely to be aware of disability issues, too. You'll learn a lot, and so will they. When you learn how to treat people like people, regardless of their gender or ability/disability, you're way ahead of the game.
Antonio, just to give you one more opinion: I'm completely with Cookie and Hanne on this one. Any guy seriously interested in women (and that book example Hanne gave was excellent) gets two thumbs up. I am lucky to have a partner who's very interested and supportive of women's matters too, and always looking forward to learn more; and lucky to also have a few good male friends who are similar to that. Otherwise, they wouldn't be my friends.
And in regards to your disability, if you manage to let people know that they can ask you or approach you about it and that it's just one part about you and doesn't define you as a person, from my experience, things will be a lot easier.
One of my good friends is blind, and before I met him, I'd never met someone who was blind and had no idea how to deal with them. Ben was really upfront about it (you can't hide blindness anyway *lol*) and *taught* me how he got along and let me know when he wanted my help and when not. He explained lots of things to me and none of my questions was too stupid to be answered. And thanks to him, I learned to see the world wuite differently, too. Today, he's not "Ben the blind guy" but just "Ben, my good friend". When we're together (which unfortunately isn't terribly often because he lives in Australia and had to cancel a trip to Germany recently), of course I sometimes notice his disability (like during dinner in a restaurant, he'll ask me to read the menu to him and let him know how the food is placed on the table) but it's just one part of him. And not what defines him.
Thank you. Thank you everyone and I mean THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU AND THANK YOU !
First and foremost I do know it's far easier to tell people about my disability so they can understand me. But I know it's very hard too. The worst part is learning to cope with it and accept it the way I am.
I do have to agree that some women or probably most women like it when guys care about them and what they do.
ON the contrary, I do have to disagree that guys are not the only ones waiting to get laid, women are too. Ironically, most men do want to but not as much as women would.
And about spotting men reading something intelligent and sensible about women's bodies is not the same as spotting a guy reading " How to make your women beg for more." Yes, I completely understand that.
But all those articles are found in magazines made for men or for women. It's true that these ads sell and steal your money. But they are a way of running a successful business.
So let me bring it here: Women just like men are spotted reading things about WHAT MEN WANT or HOW TO MAKE HIM A GOOD LOVER or HOW TO CHANGE HIS BAD HABIT INTO A GOOD ONE or HOW TO MAKE YOU THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE or HOW TO MAKE HIM GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT and blah blah blah... are a few examples of what some women read.
These examples could be something intelligent and sensible about men or probably something that grabs your attention to get what you want. I think it's the same way for men but for the opposite sex.
The things we read in magazines are pretty much the same as opening our wallets and uncovering our 'clueless' minds of the opposite sex.
I do want to say that I know most women may not be as happy as they are now regarding their status, rape experiences, job opportunities, sexist insults, unequal treatment in the family, and how much the world has hurt women in the past and still has a prolong effect now.... are still things to overcome in this century.
Women unlike men have been hurt a lot. And when I think about those things, they teach me a lesson about love, hate, despair, depression, happiness, and fear.
last of all... you may find me asking all these kinds of generalization questions but I do remember asking questions that were 'uncomfy' to you. I do not mean to be degrading or against you or in any negative way hurting you... but a lot of you have taught me well.
And yes, you're right -- just like being a decent, forward-thinking, caring, humane, understanding and accepting human being is not limited by gender, neither is being a person whose life is informed primarily by stereotypes, ignorance, and shallowness.
Basically, it's up to each of us to choose where we want to fall on that spectrum, and where we want the people we associate with to fall on that spectrum, based on what values we think are important to us. It can take a while to figure it out, but by asking questions and listening to the answers, reading, developing your critical skills, and paying attention to what happens in your own life, it's certainly something you can find out for yourself. And when you do, your whole life benefits from doing so.
That's part of the reason Scarleteen is here, to help people get information, strategies for critical thinking, and a place to ask questions about sexual stuff. It's only one piece of the puzzle, but it's an important piece.
We're glad you appreciate us being here. We appreciate you being here too.
the problem with being hearing impaired is listening. You know how it goes... let's say you go out with a group of people... you'll most likely hear people blabber about this and that and this and that....
eventually, I wouldn't understand what everyone is saying at one time... so it becomes frustrating.
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