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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Talking about sex with your partner (Page 2)

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Author Topic: Talking about sex with your partner
Member # 13270

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My GF rocks. We are both always comfortable talking about sex, and both have the same views on the subject. She is also my best friend, so things always work out pretty well
Posts: 142 | From: SD CA USA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 13256

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Like a lot of you guys I am pretty lucky in this respect. I was really good friends with my boyfriend before we got together, and we've always been very open with each other. When we decided to start doing sexual activities, we both agreed to be vocal about everything we thought. In fact, we called different activities "Lesson 1" or "Lesson 2" etc., and neither of us felt uncomfortable actually teaching the other what felt good. We also talked a lot about sexual intercourse and agreed that even though we were emotionally ready, it wasn't worth it until we could find a safe sex method (or combination) that we felt comfortable with. He was very responsible about it--I was impressed! I decided to go on the pill, which I'll be getting later this month. He put no pressure on me to do that though, which was really cool.
Posts: 4 | From: USA | Registered: May 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 5706

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My boyfriend and I have been together for a rather shor time - 5 months but I think we are VERY lucky on this aspect. Ever since we began having sex, we never HAD to talk about what made the other feel good because.. as weird as this sounds, we have a wonderful synch so it wasnt that hart to find it out and I can say it was - and still is! - rather fun. We just really talk about it when we are joking about something that happened - and we do it a LOT - or when we HAVE to talk about serious stuff as birth control. And even tho we are REALLY shy, we overcome the blushing and still talk about it ALL, doing all the necessary. I guess I got really lucky ^^
Posts: 106 | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11000

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Me and my bf always talk about that stuff. I mean if we think we are ready to be having sex, and stuff we should be responsible enough to talk about birth control. I think if you cant talk to your bf/gf about that stuff you shouldnt be doing anyhting.
Posts: 28 | From: Nepean, Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 11352

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Good topic

Well being the true person I am. I've always been open with the issue of sex with all the guys i've been with regardless of my virginity status. I wanted the guys to know how i felt, and get my point across. I had no desire to be in a relationship if the guy wanted just sex. It was like if you only want sex, get out of here.

I've been with Isaiah for two years now, and we talk about sex all the time. We discussed the issue openly and honestly before we allowed the intimate act to be introduced into the relationship. I was honest about my sexual past, and so was he. I feel that if you are able to talk about sex and its consequences, then it's enuff said

I can not stress enough about communication. It's so important in the relationship. If you have the ability to communicate to your partner about your life and what not, then u have the ability to bring up the issue of sex. So that you both know where the line is laid at and etc.


Posts: 369 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16078

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My boyfriend of 3 months was -and still is- my best friend. He is way more open about things than I am but I think he's beginning to rub off on me. Lately the sexual tension between us has been unbearable. I am a virgin and he isn't, actually he and my other best friend used to date and they had of our topics of conversation is how we both feel about that. Anyway, like I said the sexual tension is becoming unbearable and the sound of having sex is becoming oh-so-more inviting everytime we are together. When we talk on the phone our conversations always lead back to sex so last night we gave in... I mean we had a full blown conversation about sex...completely open about it. I loved it. I love the fact that I can be that open with someone about a something that is very uncomfortable for me to talk about. We both know now that we want to but we don't have rush it.
Posts: 3 | From: ky,USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16568

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I am always completely open and honest with my boyfriend, even though it is difficult at times. He was a virgin, but I was not. So while at times my being experienced helps, it can create some awkward moments for him and make him feel kinda shy/frustrated/whatever else he may feel. He'll make somewhat angered comments like "Well, I don't know anything about this stuff Taryn!" I know he doesn't mean to direct anger at me, he's just not very educated on some things and it bothers him at times. Of course, his getting this way doesn't help me (my natural reaction is to respond with the same tone) but I try to get by it and reamin calm. He needs to be educated and like it or not, at the moment, I've got to be the primary one to do that. Other things that make it hard for me to talk about things or suggest things are because I'm a bit more experienced, I don't want to tell him things and him think of me as a slut or something. I mean, I doubt that he would, its just something that goes through my head. I have had 5 sexual partners including him but I've never had better love-making and I'm starting to wonder if/how it could paossibly get any better than this. I tell him this but I don't think he always believes me because of the fact that feels like he's so inexperienced. He watches my body, my face, listens to the sounds I make, lets me direct him a little bit. He's very in tune with what makes me feel good (whether he's consciously aware of it or not). He's more on the quiet side so its harder for me to tell what he likes, but at the same time its helping me to read his body language a whole lot better. I think what I like best of all is that between the two of us, we make things fun, and I like fun!

She is intolerable, but that is her only fault.

Posts: 35 | From: Oak Harbor, WA, USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17737

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i dunno how me and my bf do it but it just comes naturally. we talk about our concerns and he even drove me to planned parenthood to get my pills. i think as long as you're willing to talk about it, it wont be that awkward. it is a major concern to talk about sex because it's not some minor thing that wouldnt mean anything, it can make a huge difference. i dont think fear should even come close when it concerns sex... that's why we're frank and open to each other when it comes to our concerns about sex... i guess we just want to say how we feel about it...
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Member # 9252

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Well when my boyfriend and I first started thinking about having sex, we talked about it in great details. We kind of got his parents involved. Well really his mother. Just so it didn't come to a shock for anyone. We talked about his past sexual history, if we knew the consequences of having sex. But most importantly if we were both ready to be having sex. I think that was one of the best talks we had ever had. After that it was like there wasn't a shock because we said everything we had to say. He was very supportive of my feelings, questions and concerns.
Posts: 8 | From: San Antonio Tx | Registered: Jul 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 18017

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I'm still a virgin. In fact, I don't plan on having sex anytime soon. However, if I was, I would defintely talk to my partner about it. I think it's important to understand and respect each other's needs, limits, and concerns.
Posts: 2 | Registered: May 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 17353

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I've always been one of those people that's totally open about sex. I live on a ranch, and we have a couple of stallions that we stand to outside mares. We use shipped frozen or cooled semen in most cases (that way a mare in, say, New York, can be bred to one of our studs without even leaving her barn) and I generally handle all the phone discussions with mare owners. Talking with a complete stranger about ovulation and the insemination process is definitely a mind-opening experience!

Yesterday I was at a barrel race and the announcer announced the running order and then said "Tabitha, so-and-so would like to ask you out" this in front of fifty people! Well, this guy is sort of the type that takes you out to dinner and expects to be repayed so I sent my best friend to have the announcer say "I'd love to, but I have a boyfriend and I'm not sleeping with you." Well, Jade (my best friend) actually convinced the announcer to say it (she can be very persuasive ), and the poor guy that asked me out nearly died of embarrassment! He did take me to dinner after the race, though, and he was a perfect gentleman!

Some of the guys that work here put a bowl full of condoms in our medical supply room with a sign that says "For non-equine use only" and has a big winking smiley face with it's tongue sticking out. A couple weeks ago one of my student's mother's (I teach riding) wondered in there uninvited and gave a member of our staff quite and earful over it. Well, I over heard what was going on and asked her what she found so offensive about it. She just looked at me with this blank stare on her face and finally came up with "what if a child were to see it?" I then reminded her she was in a staff only area, and also in a clean room without a gown. She turned bright red and spun around and left. A couple days later she called and apologized, and she even asked me to have the "safe sex" talk with her son. I told her I would, (and I did) and I haven't heard a word about it since.

Oh, the interesting moments afforded to those in the livestock business

Ride it like you stole it!

Posts: 64 | From: Carlsbad, NM USA | Registered: Mar 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16721

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For the first time in my life, I am comfortable talking about everything with my boyfriend. At first, when we started having sex, we didnt use protection, because he didnt like it, it felt different he said, and i never went against him. Since Ive been on this board though, we've started using protection, and I am currently on birth control. (shot) Ive never felt so comfortable in my body, but he makes me feel beautiful. I never wanted kids before either, but now i feel like i can talk to him about everything and plan the rest of our lives together. I think communication is a must in a good relationship.

*Tia Marie*

Posts: 30 | From: Maine, USA | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19669

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I'm glad this topic's been started, as I've been wondering lately about some things to do with talking about sex, since my last boyfriend.

When we were going out we didn't get serious enough to start having sex, but I'm quite open about things and he seemed unhappy about it. On one occassion, me and my friend Sam had gone shopping and bought a reduced sex tips for girls book as a joke together, and he really thought badly of me because of it, and he gave me a disapproving look. Another time I was trying to improve on my french with my best friend Charlie (we've known each other for years) because we were thinking of all going on holiday there, and as a joke Charlie was saying look up words like vagina, lesbian and clitoris to see what they are in french (turns out the oxford school french dictionary didn't think we'd need to know them!). Anyway my ex thought it was absolutely disgusting and got quite mad at me about it.

What I'm worried about is, should I be less open about sex? I don't see it as a big deal to talk about it, but I'm worried I'm wrong. Do I act inappropriately?

Thanks for any replies.


Posts: 45 | From: Durham, NE, England | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19536

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I've got my boyfriend (of ~15 months) trained... I was his first girlfriend and he barely spoke to me about anything sexual but after months of hard work he will now talk to me about pretty much anything- which is good because I'll talk about sex anywhere, anytime.
Posts: 26 | From: Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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Member # 568

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i haven't had any problem talking about sex with my current boyfriend. when i asked him to get tested, he went the very next morning. i don't have to ask him to put on a condom, he always does. he's not 100% informed about STDs, but that's nothing I can't fix. We usually talk about that whenever I'm telling about my day at work. Like I'll tell him about some calls I get, or presentations I do, and he'll have questions about that, so the conversation naturally segues into various STDs and how they're spread or symptoms or whatever.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19128

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i couldn't really talk about sex at all with my first "real" (as in proper intercoursal relationship etc) boyfriend James... i mean i could talk dirty while we were having sex --- but i couldn't discuss anything properly. for example when i found something extremely painful i would minimise it totally (saying "mmm a little uncomfortable") and if some of his actions i didn't like them i was too embarrassed to say and just 'endured' them - kind of wriggling around to try to make it less uncomfortable or try to subtly move him onto a different area --- and i never once could say how much i didn't like some of the sex, i wanted to say it but i just could never quite voice it! i tried once but i just ended up choking on the words in tears. actions speak louder than words and i would often just stop the sex completely but still couldn't talk it through! it was hopeless.

and i have to say that our sex life was a complete disaster from start to finish!!! so talking about it is obviously the way to go and well worth it - if you can summon up the courage. these things are much easier, i guess, if everything is working but it is when they are not that it is even more important to say something.

and he wasn't even aware that i was pretty much a virgin --- i had had a 21 yr. old boyfriend, Joel, for six months before and we had done everything but the p-v (one time he kind of slipped in during a kind of heavy intimate session but pulled out straightaway - that is why i considered myself a sort-of-virgin if that makes sense at all??)
but with James, I was almost nineteen so i think he presumed i had had sex and i never actually told him otherwise. and i really loved him - we lived together for two years and i could talk to him about everything but the sex....

i think i learnt my lesson and i am much more open with my current boyfriend but luckily don't need to say too much as it just seems to work - which is such a relief... i feel that i could discuss anything i wanted to. initially i was very open with him about all my sexual dysfunctions/hang ups and problematic sexual history so he was aware of all of that - i am sure that helped.

communication is definitely worth it.

Posts: 139 | From: los angeles | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 19279

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I don't really have trouble talking about sex with my partners- I never have. I guess it's because I am a VERY sexual person, and telling people what I want sexually is never a major thing for me. Sometimes I even have to remind my partner to wear a condom, and it doesn't damage the mood or make me uncomfortable at all. I can't answer for my partner, but if he's not willing to be safe, he's not getting any from me.
Posts: 8 | From: Eatonton, Georgia, US | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 25537

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talking about sex is important and there are a few things i always try to talk about with my partners.
contraception is a pretty big issue.i'm on the pill and i also use condoms as i did go through a scarey stage where i thought i was pregnant (this was before i went on the pill) and so now i keep myself safer with using 2 methods and it does help with keeping my mind at ease.i always tell my partners that i am on the pill but also insist on using condoms no matter how much they don't like the sensation etc.its their choice sex with or no sex its their choice i can live without the hassle and need to talk to your partner about these things because at the end of the day who wants an unexpected preganancy?
another thing i talk about with my partners is their sexual major details but i ask how many people they have slept with and if they pratcied safe sexor had any std's etc.again keeps your mind at ease about your partners sexual health which is a must.
in terms of turn ons/off's yes talk about it sit there together and giggle and go red but talk about it.if you don't it will be disappointing and you will begin to wonder why you put yourself through the is difficult to say things sometimes like whole sentences just don't want to come out i've been there done that especially with my first partner, but a simple single word can do the trick "left/right/softer etc" can do wonders and even if u cant get that out a simple movement such and touching their hand or shifting your body position slightly can get the message across.
communication is a basis for a relationship and your sexual relationship should'nt be any different really.talking can be hard sometimes but it can help alot and teach you and your partners things about each other that you would never find out otherwise.

Say that you're into me let me know how it would be - Hellogoodbye

Posts: 2 | From: Newport,Gwent,Wales | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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