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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » How long did you decide to wait before having sex? (Page 1)

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Author Topic: How long did you decide to wait before having sex?
sweetE_mandy
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I have been with my bf, who i love dearly, for four months. we both love eachother a great deal and are definately in love. we have talked about having sex before and i was just wondering how long you were in a relationship before having sex with your significant other?
sweetE_mandy
* all replies are greatly appreciated*

------------------
"lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself."
"Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without."


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pink
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It's different for everyone. Why? People are ready at different times. When you're are completely ready, completely sure, and completely doubt-free, then it's the wisest time to have sex. (And don't forget the condoms!! )

Kudos to you for talking to your boyfriend about it. Communication is a very important part of any relationship. Talk to him about it as much as you can-about your concerns, hos concerns, whatever else you want.

But there are some people who have sex before they're ready. Not too smart. Unless you're sure and safe, don't do it.

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Mens' magazines feature pictures of naked women. Womens' magazines feature picture of naked women. This is beacuse the female body is beautiful and delicate, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day.


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glitter695
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This one is a big topic and heres another post I found on this, and there are tons of replys about 5 pages long...
www.scarleteen.com/forum/Forum2/HTML/000070.html

Anyways, I agree with pink, wait until your ready. Wait until you are ready to accept the responsiblitys of sex, (any kind of sex).

I lost mine 7 months ago, and with the same person I am with. He is the only guy that I have had sex with (any kind). Im glad I waited, but you know what? I wasnt ready to accept the responsiblitys for it. Make sure you are on birth conrol, condoms and the pill. And make sure that you have somebody to talk to if you need help. Like a teacher, friend, counciler, anyone. And definalty talk to your boyfriend like pink said.

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*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~
*~*~12/3/99*~*~*
"The first time I saw you, I knew that I would fall for you, & now that were together, our love will last forever!!" -By: The person I LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD!!


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SlowCookie
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As pink and glitter said, it varies from person to person. You can be with a partner for 2 weeks and be ready to have sex, while someone else could be in a 2 year relationship and still not be ready. Don't time yourself to be in the "norm" since there is no norm. If you're ready at 4 months then you're ready at 4 months. Of course it doesn't hurt to wait and think things over. What you don't want to do is say, "we're going to have sex at 6 months" and then you have sex (penis-vagina intercourse) at that time even though you are not ready. Never do that. So if you want to know if you're ready now check out this nfity article-
First Sexual Intercourse Readiness

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JJRambones
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I decided to wait until I am married. I am pretty young (a young teen) and I hope to save myself until I am married.
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morganlh85
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I waited 11 months before having sex with my boyfriend...I was one of the lucky ones who actually had a great first time.

Just don't rush things...you may be definitely in love, but that means you should be able to wait awhile before going all the way.

I'm not sure how old you are, but consider the consequences...pregnancy, STDs...the whole lot. Have you really thought about this and discussed it thoroughly with your boyfriend? Have you talked about birth control, what you would do if you got pregnant? Getting tested for STDs? Have you thought about discussing this with your parents? These are all very important things to consider before taking such a big step. I hate to sound like a downer, but the majority of teens, especially girls, end up regretting their first experience with sex because they feel they weren't ready or they weren't really in love. Think this through A LOT before you go through with it. Best of luck!!!


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Lin
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This is going to sound repetitive but yea, it varies.

I didn't exactly wait. It just gradually happened. But we had sex about 6 months into the relationship. I know friends who have had sex a day into the relationship or even before the relationship. So, it really varies.

What matters is that you are ready for it. And when you are, you will know.

But in the meantime, I suggest you stock up on a box of condoms, a tube of lubricant and dental dams.

In the meantime, you might want to check these articles out. I really wish I knew of Scarleteen before I had sex. Lucky you.

Pregnancy Risks


Readiness Checklist


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sweetE_mandy
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morganlh85,
I've discussed everything very thoroughly with my boyfriend. We've talked about getting tested for STD's (even though we are both virgins, but he's more experienced),all the methods of protection,me using birth control, and the possibility of me getting pregnant. If I were to get pregnant, he said he would stand by me and respect whatever decision i would make. He's different from most guys because he's not a coward, he actually is there for me. I've thought about discussing this with my parents and it is a lil' scary, but I have to because I have to be honest with them. I know my bf is the right one. We both know that we are "the ONE" for one another. We've talked about everything and that's one of the many reasons we are ready to take our relationship to the next level.

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Heather
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Couple notes:

We keep our extensive sex readiness checklist here: http://www.scarleteen.com/pink/pages/readiness.html

It's worth looking at if you're thinking about this.

On another note, the whole notion of 'waiting" for certain types of sex (like intercourse) isn't something universal -- it's cultural, and to be honest, in the time and place that I grew up in, I don't remember ever planning out how long to "wait" or "when" to do what. I simply did what I did as I was ready for it, and as I was prepared to handle it when it came to my sexual choices.

In another vein, not everyone GETS to make those choices. As a sexual abuse survivor, that choice was made for me long before it'd ever crossed my mind. So, bear some of these things in mind.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


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mcb3
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Sweet,

Everyone has given you great replies

Now, for my personal experience..

My boyfriend and I started officially seeing each other on March 17th, 2000. That was the first day we ever kissed and made it known that we were together.

Nothing else besides kissing happened until September 4th. On that day, we took things further and had oral sex. It was a learning experience, let me tell you, because neither of us had ever done anything with anyone before.

We first had sex on December 14th, 2000. So, we waited 9 months. It was a great experience and I wouldn't take it back for the world. We have an unique and unexplicable relationship in which we are both lovers, friends, and soulmates to each other.

And, yes, I can tell you that 4 months into my relationship, we talked about sex. I was ready, he was ready, but we just didn't. We were extremely prepared as well, in all aspects.

I remember a few months before we actually had sex, we planned a night out on the town and then rented a huge, fancy hotel room. That was when we were going to do it. But instead, we just spent that night together in each others arms talking and being close.

With us, it just happened. We didn't plan the day or anything—it was a perfect moment and it was absolutely amazing (emotionally more than anything).

I would encourage you to ensure yourself that you're ready physically, mentally, and emotionally before you do anything.

I know I had the most amazing and emotional sexual experience with the love of my life and when the time is right for you, you will too.

Trust me, you'll know when you're ready

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~Breanna
mick3yschick@aol.com

Psst..Hey you ;o) Check out my **Photos Page**


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Gumdrop Girl
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I held out for 5 weeks. I'll admit, there was heavy-duty pressure from the non-virgin boyfriend. But overall, I'm a big girl and can make responsible decisions. That, and I'm a li'l bit older than many of you. If something were to happen to me (pregnancy or disease) I am independent enough (in college, no longer living at home with parents) to deal with it financially and emotionally.

But on the bright side of things. My boyfriend loves me to death, and I likewise. He respects me. We're doing quite well.

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Inspected by Number 26


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StarryRedhead
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All different amounts of time. My first boyfriend I was with for 2 months and another boyfriend I had sex with on the first day we met. And other guys I've been with, they were either friends or just sexual partners, so I can't say how long before we had sex. I think the most important thing is feeling and knowing you're ready.

One of these days I'd really like to be in a meaningful relationship before having sex, but I really haven't had any "meaningful" sexual relationships. Someday...

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}{*Starry Ali*}{
"D'you get scared to feel so much? To let somebody touch you? So hot, so cold, so far, so out of control. Hard to come by, and harder to hold."


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emsily0
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heehee...when my best friend Alison and I were in 9th grade being "bad girls" we made a rule for ourselves that we wouldn't have sex until we had been going out with the guy for at least 2 months. We had lots of rules and we broke most of them...i guess 2 months is arbitrary, but it seemed like a way to have it be in a semi-committed relationship, instead of a drunken one-night thing.

And, surprisingly, I kept it. Even though my guy and I had been hooking up for years before we finally got together. I think we had been officially together for almost 3 months when we finally got around to it.

The topic came up, though, after about 2 weeks. He's older than me and he's been with a few other people. It was pressure really, just discussion. But it scared me. And i'm glad he managed to scare me. I think it made the first time more special. It hurt and it was scary, but it was also amazing and loving and all the other stuff I wanted it to be. We hadn't been together for all that long, but it was long enough, you know? It's different for everyone.


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alaska
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Duh, am late on this topic, I know. And I prolly got nothing new and exciting to add, but still.

Just wanted to say again that it really varies when the time is right to add intercourse or any other sexual activity into a relationship...For me, personally, when I first got sexually active, it all came naturally, as the relationship progressed.
Apart for my first time, however, was sort of planned and in a not so ideal relationship with someone who was quite a bit older and with whom I had had a weird non-exclusive relationship for about 6 months prior to having sex. If I had had the Readiness Checklist here at Scarleteen available when I was making that decision, I probably would have changed my mind. Not because it was a horrible experience, but because I simply wasn't ready, even though I thought I was.

So I got a weird start into having relationships that do involve intercourse and why I hold the idea of seeing how the relationship progresses before adding sex pretty high, it just never felt right for me.
My last two serious relationships involved intercourse from the first day on. My first real boyfriend and I had known each other for a year when I came to visit him 500km away and we ended up having our first kiss and first intercourse within a couple of hours. And my current relationship started out as something that might have turned into a OneNightStand or an affair or whatever but instead progressed into what we have now.

There are no set rules and you simply have to decide for yourself what is right for you. Good Luck in making the decision.

------------------
Just a regular lunatic.
Go inside Alaska's head...

[This message has been edited by Alaska (edited 01-31-2001).]


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Sourgirl1986
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I am 14, and I will be 15 in May... and I have chosen not to lose my virginity until I am emotionally, as well as physically and financially, ready to deal with the consequences. I don't want to be one of those girls who has to quit school b/c she is pregnant.. that is happening alot at my school right now. But if you feel you are emotionally, physically, and financially ready to deal with the consequences, then you might be ready. But my advice to you is... wait until you are absolutely, positively, without a doubt, ready to have sex.

LYLAS!!!

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~*~*Sourgirl*~*~

"I would like to get away from Earth awhile and then come back and begin all over."-Robert Frost, from the poem "Birches"


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Lucky1402
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It does depend on the person. I've decided to wait until I'm completely ready for it, since I'm only 14 (15 in August). I'm not really sure if I could handle the emotional stress right now, plus I'm completely terrified about the risk of getting pregnant or contracting a disease. Besides, I haven't found anyone worth it yet. I'm quite proud of being a virgin (one of the very few in my school).

I do think, however, that it's okay to do it if you have found someone who you love and are commited to, and both of you are ready to take responsibility for the consequences. Being emotionally ready is a plus, too.

------------------
*^Lucky^*
Come check out what's goin on in Lucky's mind!
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as though you'll die today."


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d1TzY8
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quote:
Originally posted by Miz Scarlet:

In another vein, not everyone GETS to make those choices. As a sexual abuse survivor, that choice was made for me long before it'd ever crossed my mind. So, bear some of these things in mind.

Its awesome that you are able to overcome the situation and help others a great deal from it! That is absolutely amazing in my opinion. **Standing ovation for Miz Scarlet!!!**


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d1TzY8
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In addition, I forgot to say. I wasnt going out with anyone when I had sex. I just had a really good friend (I KNOW THIS SOUNDS OBSERD) but when i first had sex, he hadnt been a virgin for awhile, but I wanted to have it with him, just to share everything. It was a choice I made, and it was amazing...wouldnt take it back for the world!
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Kiwipunch9
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I personally believe that you shoudl talk.. a TON before having sex. Its a HUGE resposibility. I have been dating my b/f for ober 2 years, and we havent had sex yet. We dont plan to. We think that there are plenty of other ways to express our feelings other than sex, which is highly risky. If u do choose, u need to be careful, and be able to face the consequences if something does happen.

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**DaKiwi**


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loveable me
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My rule is to have sex when and where i decide and not to allow anyone else to make that decision for me. That way i am the one who takes responsibility.
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Darling21
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I lost my virginity when I was 16 and my boyfriend and I waited 4 months, but we heavily talked about it before we decided to be intimate like that. We discussed the consequences of it and everything. We were together for 2 1/2 years and broke up in college. My next sexual partner and I were together for 6 hours before we decided to "do the deed" and we were together for 2 years. My suggestion is to talk about it before you decide to do anything. You'll most likely regret it!
**Leslie

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earth girl
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I'm 21, and I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months. The subject of sex came up, and we both said how we still don't feel ready. It was SUCH a relief to realise our attitudes were exactly the same.

Funnily enough, part of the reason I'm on here a lot is to educate myself a little more so when I'm "ready", I'll be ready


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Hobbitchick
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I'm almost seventeen, and I've been with my boyf for nine months (on tomorrow... ), and we've talked about having sex... I can't imagine doing it with no-one else, and I'm sure he'll be the right one. There's no hurry or anything, we'll see!
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froggy_dear
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So far, I think I've waited the longest of you all. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 (four!) years before we had sex... just recently in fact. There were a number of reasons, including birth control, why we held out so long, but after waiting so long we really enjoy each other. But it's different for every person, every couple. Go with your heart, so long as it and your body are prepared.
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Shann2002
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HEY!!!!!!!!
Long Time No See! I missed U guys!

But to get back to the topic.....
It is different from person to person. With one guy i waited for a year and with another i waited about a month and a half. You have to go on what u feel. There is no set rule of thumb for this.


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RumpusParable
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yeah, as it's been said... different for each person, and even for a single individual different with each partner...

some, i've known a few minutes... some months... some years... it all depended on the person, the situation, etc.


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RageAgainstU
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I was in my relationship with my boyfriend for a month and a half. However, me and him were best friends for 2 and a half years beforehand. I don't know if that does anything, but I knew that when we were friends, I knew that I loved him already because of how much we got along. I knew that once we were best friends, I would probably lose my virginity to him, because I knew that he cared about me, and I cared about him. To me, it doesn't matter if you're in a relationship with someone, or how long you've been with them. It's about how you feel at that exact moment, and knowing that you will not regret losing it. I don't regret it at all, and I'm glad, because I've been with him for 7 months now, and we're happy, and in love. So you shouldn't worry that you're a "slut" or "easy" just because you do it only 4 months into the relationship. It's just about how you feel towards eachother. Sex, if used the right way, makes a relationship beautiful.
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lemming
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quote:
Originally posted by RageAgainstU:
Sex, if used the right way, makes a relationship beautiful.

No, sex by itself does not have the power to "make a relationship beautiful." It's just a name for acts that people can choose to engage in. The people in a relationship make that relationship functional, not the sex (or lack thereof).

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Laurel Lemming
Scarleteen Advocate

Kissing girls in English at the back of the stairs, you're a honey with a following of innocent boys, they never know it because you never show it..." - Belle and Sebastian


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Dani
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quote:
Originally posted by RageAgainstU:
Sex, if used the right way, makes a relationship beautiful.

I'd perfer to switch that around. A relationship, if used the right way, can make sex beautiful.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and just gave our virginity to eachother a few days ago. It was a beautiful and wonderful thing because we had a strong relationship, good communication, and both of us were educated on and prepared for any possible risks.

------------------
~Dani


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summergoddess
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Well i was 17 when i lost my virginity. I had been dating Mark (my ex) for nearly a month when i decided that I was emotionally ready to have sex for the first time in my life. We broke up a few days later, but i have no regrets having lost my virginity to him cuz it was the right time. 2 months later, i started dating my current long time boyfriend.. We had sex about 3 weeks into the relationship, but i made sure that we fell in love for eachother before we had sex. I was Isaiah's first. We've been together 2 yrs and 2 months to date. I love him, and yes our relationship that we have has made sex so beautiful (so much more than it was with Mark).

Just listen to your heart. You will know when your emotionally ready, not just physically to have sex

------------------
~Jules


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RageAgainstU
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quote:
Originally posted by Dani:
I'd perfer to switch that around.

I guess I worded it wrong, but again, sex is a great thing. And when you feel you have the love for that other person, and the caring, you're right, the sex is beautiful. Mine wasn't exactly like the "American Pie", had all night to stay together, type of situation. To me though, it still doesn't matter. It happened quickly, and maybe it was better that way. If me and my boyfriend break up, I consider myself a virgin again. And the next person, if any, that I might happen to care about so much, or even fall in love with, I might consider losing it to him as well.


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freakedout
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well, technically for me, it was 5 days short of 6 months...and to tell you the truth, the number of days didn't really matter to me....it was that he made me comfortable. He just opened himself up for me and i soaked it all in before i let myelf do anything i didn't want to do...just make your best judgement!

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I've always believed that there's no such thing as no chance!


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peanut
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hey,

I don't know if you still need replies...but I lost my virginity to my boyfriend after two months. However, from the moment I met him, I knew he was the one for me.

But truly, wait until YOU feel it is right. I could have done it much sooner, but I was not ready, and he respected that. It is all about YOU, and it should not matter when anyone else did it.


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KT
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My boyfriend and I had sex a month into our relationship.

I never saw myself as someone doing that, y'know, giving it up so quickly.

I was at his house, we were on his bed fooling around and one thing lead to another and we had sex. It honestly couldn't have been better. He was a virgin also and as nervous as I was. He went slow, and constantly asked me if I was ok, he was really sweet and caring about the whole thing which made me feel good.Even though we had sex after only a month I don't regret it.

Today is our 9 month aniversary and we couldn't be more in love.

Katie


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ole-girl
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I always thought that I would wait until marriage to have sex but then I met my boyfriend and my feelings on the subject changed. We had sex for the first time after we had been going out almost 8 months and I have absolutely no regrets. We talked about it a lot beforehand, I got on the Pill, and we use condoms everytime.
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