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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Waiting for sex!? Is it a problem?

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Author Topic: Waiting for sex!? Is it a problem?
Rachel
Activist
Member # 1941

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Okay i am total virgin and i mean complete virgin the only thing i have ever done with a guy is kissed a guy and personally thats all i want to do at my age, which is 15. My problem is that i am scared that my boyfriend might want to do stuff like that... and i want to wait to do all that stuff till i am married. My question is if your girlfriend said she wanted to wait till she was married would you not be able to wait and break up with her or would you understand??? I am positive that i am waiting till ia m married and i am not changing my mind but i really want to know what a guy would do if in this situation?
Posts: 64 | From: Long Island NY | Registered: Nov 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know what, Rachel?

Many, meny young men have talked to me who felt the same way you do, except it is often worse for them since women and culture tend to assume they don't want to wait, or assume they want to jump at every sexual opportunity. In other words, it's assumed that a male is always ready, which puts a whole lot of undue pressure on them.

If you're asking me personally, I would have been happy to work within anyone's sexual limits -- and did -- but in the same vein, I would have made it clear to them that I didn't view sex and marriage in that way myself.

What you're asking really depends on each person and why they want to be involved with you. if someone simply wants a sexual relationship, then you propbably aren't cimpatible. If they see sex as one part of a larger whole, then it can probably work out just fine.

What I will say is what I usually tell all people -- everyone needs to know their sexual needs and their sexual limits, and needs to do the best they can to communicate that to their partners. If you're honest with people you're involved with and tell them you don't want to have any sort of sexual activity pretty early in, then they're able to judge if that jives with what they want, just like someone who tells you they DO want those things is giving you the fair chance to think about if that can work for you.

------------------
Heather Corinna
Editor and Founder, Scarleteen

"If you're a bird, be an early early bird --
But if you're a worm, sleep late." - Shel Silverstein


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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