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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » I feel so Humilliated!

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Author Topic: I feel so Humilliated!
Eileithyia
Neophyte
Member # 881

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Hi! Well my problem goes like this:
I've been going out with my bf for 3yrs, and we started having sex on june this year. He is my first, but I'm not his. 2 years ago, we break up for 2 weeks and during that time he had sex with this girl. It was his first time, and to tell you the truth I haven't forgiven him for sleeping with her. I still mad at him because he had his first time with someone else, especially since he used to tell me that he wanted to have his first time with me because he wanted it to be special. The first time that we had sex (he wore a condom like he always does), I liked it but I felt bad in the end because I couldn't help to feel he compared me with this other girl. I told him how I felt, and he said I shouldn't be worrying about it because it was different with me, since he loved me so much and that it was what made sex to be special with me.
So to make a short story long, we had sex on sunday, I liked it but I didn't have an orgasm or anything, I liked it because it was with him. But on monday, things changed. He wasn't as caring as he usually is, and we had this biiiiiiiig argument. He started complaining about me, and he said there were certain things that I needed to change (like being stubborn) if I wanted our relationship to last. I was surprised by his attitude, and I told him it was a coincidence he didn't feel the same way on sunday when we had sex, and that once he got what he wanted he could see my mistakes. He felt offended because of what I said, and he told me he couldn't believe I thought he slept with me just because he was horny. He said he did it because he loved me, even though he doesn't feel anything with the condom on. This surprised me soooo much, because he always tells me he really enjoys it every time we have sex. I felt so bad and angry , and I couldn't believe he was telling me he didn't feel anything because of the condom. He apologized for what he said, and his excuse was that he said it because he was angry and he wasn't thinking on what he said. I said it was ok, but I told him I wasn't going to have sex with him again.
I felt so bad because I felt he was comparing me to this other girl (he didn't wear a condom when he slept with her)...Did he mean he didn't feel anything with me, but he did with her? I've heard it doesn't feel the same with a condom, but to the extent to not feel anything? Should I let it go, and sleep with him again as if he hadn't said it doesn't feel good? One thing is for sure, I am not having sex without a condom, and he knows that.
I'll really appreciate your advice.

Posts: 5 | From: El Paso, TX, USA | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Actually, the first thing you should do is go and get STD testing, since he has unprotected sex with someone else, and a condom only does so much against Herpes and HPV, the most common sexually-transmitted diseases.

Then you should forget about this guy. History aside, he has flatly been a creep and a half. He has treated you like dirt, been dishonest to boot on several counts (esp. with the condom remark, which was clearly just a ppot shot to make you feel bad for giving a rats bootie about your health), and I don't think you were off is suggesting the sex was about sex, not his great love for you.

In short, you deserve better, and honey, he's the one who has humiliated himself, not you. Move on.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Grr ... ya know, mean people piss me off!!

GRRBIEZ ... breath smurfy ...

You deserve so much better than him. You sound like a really nice girl ... and you're even concerned about he feels!! After all he's done to you and everything he has said to you, you still care about him that much. And he put both of your healths at risk when he slept w/ that other girl ... w/o a condom!! He doesn't deserve you. Next time he wants sex from you, tell him to stick it in a wall ... He won't have to wear a condom, the wall won't bitch at him and you won't have to fight w/ him later about it, everyone wins (that's from his point of view, im not saying you're wrong by any means!)


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixie69
Activist
Member # 406

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I've said it once and I'll say it again, it's the condom or the cow manure. Which do you think this guy/any guy will pick?

Well *obviously* he didn't care about this other chick if he was willing to risk STD's and pregnancy w/ her, but I still think he's a creep even if he did wear the condoms with you.

Try this experiment: Put a condom on your hand, make your hand nice and stretchy so it's snug. then with your other hand touch yourself, now considering that the penis has a lot more nerve endings it's going to feel a lot more than your hands feel but even with your hands you can see that condoms just aren't that thick, you can still feel through them! I mean c'mon now...

Anyways, that's my advice.

Brittany

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I'm the good girl that everyone thinks is a bad girl pretending to be a good girl :D


Posts: 1339 | From: Las Vegas, NV, USA | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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i am simply horrified by this guy's actions.

yeah, i know what it's like to feel anxious because of another girl. i'm paranoid and i admit to it. and like you, my boyfriend didn't use a condom with the other girl (who was his girlfriend at the time, it wasn't like he cheated on me or anything 'cause i didn't know him yet, but i digress).

but let me set a few things straight. people are different, sure. and yeah, sex with a condom does reduce some sensitivity. but that can be remedied by adding a little lubricant to the inside and outside of the condom. i am my boyfriend's second sexual partner, and aside from a few serious errors, we usually use condoms. To him, it makes little difference. In fact, we actually prefer condoms because it prolongs sex.

But I'm seeing something else in all of this.

I see you guys playing the blame game. You argue. Then you volley in a few things that are pretty irrelevant. the other person feels hurt. They throw something back at you. In this case, you threw in the comment about having sex on sunday. and he throws back that sex doesn't feel as good to him. You both were aiming to hurt. and that's not fair on either end. bringing this third party (the other girl) is a really low blow, though.

You both need to sort out your relationship. There are underlying problems here that have nothing to do with the sex. and forget about the girl. You're not her, she's not you, and if he can't deal with it, then tough cookies. Till everything is crystal clear, you should refrain from having sex.

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Maurice! Bring in the albinos! muwahahahahaha!!!


Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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