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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » fingering.......how long?? advice please

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Author Topic: fingering.......how long?? advice please
o0omiChelleo0o
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my boyfriend asked me if it hurts when he fingered me........and it doesn't at all. But when i asked him why he asked me that he said well if it doesn't hurt then why do you move my hand away....i thought it must have been hurting you. It doesn't hurt me at all....and it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable either....just how long does he wanna be doing that for? i only move his hand away after a while cause i figured he'd been doing it for a while already......i hope i'm making sence here just i know there isn't a set time ands its whatever feels right and things.....but anyone got any thoughts or experience or advice? thanks
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Heather
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Here's the thing: if your partner is doing something to you on a sexual level that you'd don't like, or that isn't doing anything for you at all, why bother?

Sex isn't about allowing someone to do something *to* us, it's about sharing arousal, intimacy and sexual enjoyment. It doesn't sound to me like that's what's happening here.

He probably doesn't want to be doing that at ALL if you're not getting a thing out of it, and you need to tell him as much, preferably long BEFORE he asks about it.

Some women like manual sex, others do not. Mainly, though, it isn't about WHAT is being done, but how. Most women prefer touching on or around the clitoris, not insertion with fingers. Then again, some like the other better. It's up to YOU, not your boyfriend, to communicate wha feels good and what you like.

When we say sex is about communication, we aren't kidding.


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o0omiChelleo0o
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no.....thanks but thats not what i mean. we have been sleeping together on a regular basis for some time and i didn't mean that when he fingers me it doesn't do anything for me.......i just mean it carries on too long.......and we do communicate fine and stuff i just want to know if it's just me? i mean after i'm already arounsed and stuff and he knows that....why doesn't he just move his hand away himself and why is he asking why i move it away? i dunno if i'm explaining what i'm trying to say right sorry.
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MysteryGirl
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I'm trying to best comprehend what you're trying to say and I'll try my best to give you advice upon that. If not, sorry. If it carries on too long, does that mean you start getting bored of it or something? It seems that your boyfriend WANTS to have you feel good and as long as he thinks it feels go, then I'm sure he's going to persist with it. I don't think it's just you, no. I mean, I move my dating companion's hand too. I suppose I feel the same way. It's feeling good but I just don't want him to do it anymore or something. Or, it just feels like I'm going to urinate and I don't want to take a chance. So, no, it's not just you who does that.

He's probably asking you why you move his hand because he's worried he's hurting you or doing something you don't like. He just wants to please you, it seems, and to do that he tries to do what you like. Perhaps he thinks you like it being done for a while. He's probably just concerned by your actions. I would just tell him exactly what you told us. You like it ... but it just drags on a bit long. Hope that helped a bit. Good luck.

------------------
"Growing older is MANDATORY, growing up is OPTIONAL."


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Heather
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I do think I understood you, and I do think you still need to communicate. If you didn't, you'd not be thinking he went on too long without saying anything about it, and he'd not be having to ask you after the fact.

It's really pretty easy: when you're ready to move unto another activity, you simply say or do so.

he's asking what he is because he clearly NEEDS some communication for you. He wants to know if you like what he's doing or not. If you don't, he needs to know that. I'm willing to bet the farm that he has been doing what he has because he is just waiting for you to speak up, babe.


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Pixie69
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Well, if you're asking how long this should go on for, I think he should just do it until you orgasm or get bored. If you're not having an orgasm (and you've had one before) then he needs to change his technique. If you have an orgasm and he just doesn't notice that it's over, then try like, moaning or something to signal that it's over so he knows. Other than that, everyone's right, communicatioN!
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Heather
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Let's remember that sex isn't all about orgasm.

Someone can do any number of things simply because they are pleasing and enjoybale, orgasm aside. In fact, more times than not, when someone focuses on someone else's (or their own) orgasm and getting there (the term for that is "spectatoring"), they are LESS likely to have one and sex becomes far less enjoyable.


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o0omiChelleo0o
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thanks mystery girl and yeah miz scarlet that helped but like i mean the bit about orgasming i'm talking about when he fingers me if he's staying over or something and when he fingers me before we have sex, like i feel as though fingering is just the foreplay getting me aroused for the sex so it's more enjoyable.So i don't really think it's about him trying to make me orgasm i always thought he was just trying to make me ready. i figured why does he want to stay down there when i've already got ummm moist and stuff. So thats what i was doing just moving his hand away when i was ready but yeah thanks
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