I've had sex with my boyfriend about six times now, and every single time, it hurt me. It only hurts when he tries to enter me the first time, and then it goes away. We use lubricant and he goes slowly, and he thinks that my hymen has not been broken yet, only stretched, and now he wants to just push in very quickly with no lubricant because he thinks this will break it and it will stop hurting every time. Is he right? Because it doesn't seem right that we should have to use lubricant every time and it still hurts. Is there anything else that might be wrong? What can I do?
Posts: 2 | Registered: Jul 2000
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Im not the most knowlagable of people but in my opinion ur pain is probably caused by stress. You are getting yourself so stressed out that you are tensing up try and relax , take a few deep breaths and take your time! Good luck+enjoy your self!
Posts: 84 | From: Ireland.uk | Registered: Jul 2000
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Thalia, The hymen DOESN'T "break," it only stretches. And I can just about promise you that if your partner has made some level of penetration, your hymen isn't the issue anymore.
I'd look at a few things: are you really aroused and excited when you're having intercourse? Are you using lubricant as well as what you need for birth control and STD protection(it's hard to relax when you're terrified of getting sick or pregnant)? Are you engaging in foreplay before sex?
Sounds like you need a lot more foreplay, dearie, and he's thinking a lot more about what he wants than about what you need.
Try lots of kissing, in more places than on the mouth, lots of snuggling, touching, etc. If he starts to get too excited and thinks he's gonna come, slow down to gentle touches until he calms down a bit. Make it clear to him that this experience is for BOTH of you, but you take more time to heat up than he does, so if he cares (and if he wants to continue having sex, for that matter), he needs to be patient and give you the attention you need.
[This message has been edited by Lady Moonlight (edited July 10, 2000).]
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