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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Condom Woes (Page 1)

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Author Topic: Condom Woes
Heather
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How's it going with those condoms, guys? Are you working it out, or is wearing one/buying one/using one driving you batty? Rant and rave and we'll help as best we can. Heck, just get it off your chest.

If we want to stay alive and well, and keep everyone else that way, we gotta use'em, but that doesn't mean it's always easy.


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Flyus192
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I don't really like condoms, but my lady says 'no glove, no love’ so I use them. On the plus side: They slow me down – I last longer. So My lady enjoys it more. So I get more sex, more often.
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cloudyMouse
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Actually to be honest, I find sex w/o a condom much more pleasurable. I am a female. My bf used to wear them but it didn't feel natural inside me. It was sort of icky, you know. So...I tried the pill some time ago but have since stopped. I know the risk of pregnancy is still there, but we stick to the pull-out method these days (my bf felt the pill wasn't good for me; he said it had many nasty side effects). We also abstain from sex during my most fertile periods.

------------------
cloudyMouse...
as cloudy as you can get.....


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Heather
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Cloudy!

Pregnancy and STDS have far worse side effects, I promise you. Come on, girl. Wise up.

As an aside, please let this area be for the guys to have their own space, just like the girl space. I'll duplicate this thread in Sex Basics so it can be continued there if you like.


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bettie
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When it comes to sexual health and well being I think it is important to get accurate information from well informed sources and then make decisions. Discussing birth control options is something a couple should do together with a doctor (you can go by yourself and then talk about it with your boyfriend). Doctors really know the nitty gritty about the pro's and con's of the different birth control devices.

When it comes to protecting ourselves from STD's and STI's the only choice we have is to use condoms. Even if you think your partner is monogamous, things happen. Also, you can transmit a yeast infection from girl to guy and then it can come back to you. A condom helps stop this.

Maybe Miz Scarlet or starpoet could provide some more information on this not deadly, but very annoying situation.


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Heather
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True enough, Bettie.

The male "jock itch" is basically a yeast infection (what happens when the natural balance of healthy bacteria -- which you need -- in your body gets upset and thus unhealthy bacteriaa get fruitful and multiply). Men and women can pass the darn things back and forth, and while it won't kill you, it is very icky, smelly and uncomfortable, and ANY infection makes you more prone to catch another one, like HPV or HIV.

And honey, you don't KNOW "icky" until you have a vulva full of warts, cervical cancer, or are on your death bed with a face full of lesions. I'd have to say that opening yourself, and any other partner, up to that is pretty darn "icky," not to mention utterly irresponisble and careless.

I know that sounds scolding, because it is. If you guys read the information at this site, I know you're aware of the risks. denial doesn't make them go away.

Lots of things are "natural" that aren't so great: like death and disease.


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Mophead
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Maybe you could invest in ultra thin condoms.
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HotGrrl99
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Most boys I know just don't like them, and even refuse to wear them! They say it really takes away from their feeling. Also, condoms fall off and break all the time. That's why I think they really need to make it easier for teens to get birth control pills.
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Heather
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The thing is, Hot, the pill doesn't protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. While teen pregancy is nothing to fool around with, it isn't likely to kill you or anyone else, which STDs can.

In my experience, a LOT of young guys who say they don't like condoms:
a) Have never used them,
b) Have, but don't know how to correctly, and/or
c) Buy brands like Trojans that really stink both in terms of breakage and sensation.

For many men, condoms work just fine when you use them right, and in fact, lengthen the time for erection and performance.

No one is going to refuse to wear one if you refuse to be with them without one.


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162030
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My problem is that I'm embarassed. I'm 17 but I look like I'm 13.Also, what if the person at the counter knows my parents! They would kill me.
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Heather
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Well, the drugstore isn't the only place you can buy condoms, and girls as well as boys can buy them.

You can get them (usually for free -- bonus!) at any family planning clinic and a lot of community centers, and if you're over 16, you can order them online.

As far as being embarassed, imagine how embrassing it'd be when your girlfriend is seven months pregnant (and try hiding that!) or your folks start to get calls because you're apssing diseases around?


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Juliekins
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quote:
My problem is that I'm embarassed. I'm 17 but I look like I'm 13.

If that's still your biggest concern, I think you need to hold off on the horizontal hokey-pokey until you've considered all the issues and problems that go along with the decision to be sexually active. Being seen buying condoms should be the least of your worries.

Like Miz Scarlet said, it'll be a lot more embarassing explaining why you knocked up your girlfriend/have oozing sores on your junk/dying of some opportunistic illness at a young age than buying a box of jimmy hats. Think about it.

As far as condoms go, I say WOO HOO! It's been a while since I've had to use/buy them, but we used some super-thin Trojans that I thought were okay. (Just needed a backup while I was on antibiotics, since they futz with the effectiveness of the Pill.) Plus, if you're in for a quickie, they do make cleanup a lot faster for the girl.


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Heather
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Great post, Julie.

While we're at it, there are a few barnds that I *personally* use and am glad to endorse. Both in terms of durability and comfort for both myself AND my partners, I'd recommend:

1) Kimono condoms. These are my all time favorite. Though they aren't easy to find at drugstores (and don't buy condoms at a gas station, please), you can order them from various places, AND most health food stores carry them.
2) Durex Brands: Lifestyles, Gold Coin, etc. Durex also makes one of the only non-latex condoms (Avanti) for those with latex allergies.
3) Beyond Seven: They're blue, but hey, they rock.


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bettie
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Once I was buying condoms at a drugstore where you had ask the pharmacist for them. I was embarrassed, but then I noticed that the guy after me was buying a pregancy test kit. Considering my situation and age, I thought I was glad I was buying the condoms and not the test kit.

By the way, I don't think you have to ask for them at most stores. This one was more the exception than the rule.


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HotGrrl99
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Well unfortunatly some of those better brand condoms are quite expensive, especially when you must use 5 or 6 of them a day! A lot of 13 to 17 year old teens don't have the money to buy those good condoms, and the condoms they give away for free are usually the crummy cheap ones.
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lemming
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I agree with she who said that "they" need to make getting birth control pills easier for teens!

yes, condoms do prevent against STDs, but I'm not throughly comfortable with using something that has a 10-12% failure rate...I'm waiting to get on the pill before I have any more sex, since I had a condom slip on me last time...

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~the semi-elusive lemming


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Mophead
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Actually, hotgrrl, they give away free LifeStyles where I work. They're donated to us. We've got bowlfuls. ^_^
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Heather
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Hot,
Durex condoms are no more expensive than Trojans.

In addition, we really mean what we said on the sex checklist at Pink Slip: sex isn't free, it costs. If you don't have the dough for decent condoms, you probably don't have it for an accidental pregnancy or STD treatment.

In otherwords, if you can't afford to be responsible, it's really best to wait. While I certainly understand not having money, I don't understand doing things which one can't afford to do in a way to keep oneself healthy. Sex isn't going to run away from you if you don't have it right NOW.


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Hanne
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Another thing to consider here, folks, is that there are a lot of ways to have sex -- no matter who you are -- that don't involve penetration with a penis and that are thus a lot lower risk for passing STDs or getting someone pregnant.

If you really, really, REALLY can't bear condoms, think about this:
- mutual masturbation
- teasing each other, then masturbating each other or for each other
- rubbing against one another (clothed or partly naked or naked)
- handjobs
- stimulation from having the penis surrounded by a part of the body that isn't a vagina, anus, or mouth -- between someone's thighs or breasts or elsewhere, with a dollop of lube, can be really fun
- telling each other sexy stories
- having phone sex or cybersex (some of the safest sex you can ever have!)

Be creative! Don't let other people tell you that sex has to be putting your penis in someone else's vagina, or having something inside your vagina -- it can be a lot of other things.

No matter what you do, just remember that other people's bodily fluids belong on you (or on them), not in you (or them). Getting fluids on your skin aside from your genitals/anus/mouth is much, much, much less risky than getting it on or in your genitals, anus, and mouth. Keep that in mind, and be creative. If you don't like condoms, find things to do that you don't need to wear a condom to do. I guarantee you it can be just as much fun.

------------------
Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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HotGrrl99
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You guys are right, there are many other ways of getting off. I think people really need to focus more on getting boys to understand all this stuff, since they always seem to push us girls really hard to have intercourse and oral sex. They seem to be in so much more of a hurry then us to have sex!
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Heather
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Fantastic addition, as always, Hannegirl.

Hot, I agree with you, but let's take a minute to think about WHY it seems like boys are like that. Most men grow up basically being taught that their ONLY pleasure center is their penis, and that gettting head and getting laid are the high points of sex.

And that's a pity, for everyone. I think you'll find, though, that if you try and be open with your partner in exploring other venues -- and show that you too, are open to them -- you'll find it isn't the hard sell you think it might be.

Sex is far, far more than oral sex or intercourse, and when any of us see that and explore that, it really opens a world up to us. In the long run, in fact, your partners over the years will thank you for helping them to get creative. I know mine have. Heck, I've even had people's partners AFTER they went out with me thank me for it.


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wear*a*smile!
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i'm a girl, and i'm all for condoms. i've never had sex and i haven't ever really thought about having it any time soon. i mean, when i'm watching some kind of movie, or when my boyfriend says something or something like that, i get a kind of rush and all that and i know what that means, but i don't really think i'm ready for sex. i'm all for condoms. someone said that i don't feel comfortable witha 10% chance of failure, but think of it like this,would u rather have a 10% chance of not getting pregnant and getting STD's, or would u rather have a 100% chance of pregnancy or STD without a condom?? think about it.
wear*a*smile
PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE, TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!!

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lemming
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That was me that said that about the 10% failure rate of condoms, and let me explain myself -

yes, it's better to wear a condom and have a 10% chance of getting pregnant, and condoms do offer OK protection from STDs, but I would really rather either WAIT till I (choose one: want to get pregnant, am using the Pill as well) to use them as birth control.

As far as STDs go, until I am in a monogamous relationship that has lasted for at least a year and we have both been tested, I will use a condom for the not-fail-safe amount of protection it provides.

------------------
~the semi-elusive lemming


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wear*a*smile!
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oooohh,i see lemming. i wasn't trying to pick at u, i was just saying. good point. i was just saying that so people would se. thats all. sorry if it upset u.
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Devon Meshell
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I have unsafe sex with my boyfriend,even though i know i shouldn't.My boyfriend last no less than 30-40 min and i become dry after this long if we use a condom.Plus,i don't like how they fill and he can't get a nut with them.I'm on the pill and i trust him enough not to cheat on me and get a diease!!


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Hanne
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Your decisions are yours to make, but personally, I think it's not wise to have unprotected sex unless: you are in a long-term relationship, you have both been tested for all STDs and have had the tests come back negative, and neither of you have had sex of any kind with anyone outside the relationship for six months prior to being tested.

As for the dryness problem, there's a very easy, very inexpensive answer. Water-based sexual lubricants were designed to take care of these kinds of problems. Astroglide, Wet Lube, ID Lube, and KY Jelly are all very commonly available types of water-based lubricants that you can use during sex, and you should always have some on hand when you're going to have sex (it also feels good for masturbation).

Lube may also help solve your boyfriend's problem of having a difficult time getting to orgasm when you're using a condom. Put a small amount (a few drops) of lube in the tip of the condom before he rolls it on. It really helps improve the amount of sensation that a man feels with a condom. Also -- make sure you're using the right size condom. A condom that is too small and tight can make it uncomfortable to use them, a condom that is too big and loose can bunch up and be irritating to both of you.

Ultimately, the decision is up to you. But since there are ways to deal with the problems you mention having with condoms that will still allow you to use condoms and protect yourself, isn't your health worth looking into doing just that?

------------------
Hanne Blank
Associate Editor, Scarleteen

"Be Excellent To Each Other" -- Bill and Ted


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Mophead
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Excuse the naiveness, but what exactly is "he can't get a nut with them"?

And, for the sake of argument, let's say your partner had never had sexual contact before seeing you. He could have contracted a disease some other way. There are certain diseases that can be transmitted other ways.


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angelgurl
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i've only "done the deed" once and he did use a condom. i'd never even think of not using one b/c i know i would get my butt kicked if i showed up pregnant or somethin far worse.......so if u r'nt usin one please start!

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bye guys!!:)


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QuietOne109
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okay so ive been with my bf for 10months both are virgins only thing holding us back is me basically...but i think im almost ready the only the thing that holds me back is when i hear things like i did the other day my friend had sex condom broke she had to get the morning after pill and the condom removed out of her..i dont wanna any kids or stds so i guessing im asking is how and why do condoms break and how can i prevent it so i dont have anything bad happen to me? thanks =)
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ErinK
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Good on you for being so concerned about your health and your partner's health!

Condoms tend to break because they're of poor quality (see the Safer Sex FAQ for links to condom ratings), because they've been exposed to extreme heat or cold (which makes the latex deteriorate), because they've passed their expiration date, or because they're defective (which doesn't happen very often now that they're tested elctronically at the factory) or have a hole or tear.

Using a few drops of water-based, condom-safe lube inside a condom and adding more lube to your genital region can help to reduce the risk of condom breakage, and so can buying good quality condoms and storing them properly (not keeping them in your wallet or glove compartment of a car, for example). Using condoms correctly helps to reduce your risks enormously; see A Simple Condom Primer for all you ever wanted to know about condoms.

We also recommend that people consider pairing condoms with another method of birth control. If you'd like to know more about what other birth control methods can be used to supplement condoms, check out Margaret Sanger’s Disneyland - An easy chart of your birth
control options
.


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momomo
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woah! someone up there said that trojans really suck in terms of breakage and all! We've been using trojans! eek! anyone have any suggestions of better ones? thanx!
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logic_grrl
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Check out the Safer Sex & Birth Control FAQ for lots of threads discussing different condom brands and recommendations .
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jessakuh
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i dunno what kind of condoms you guys are using, but i dont have any problems with them..with in a yr i think the condom broke once other then that i've had no problems and the sex is just as great =].
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TheCagedOne
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Well, I guess I'll be the first guy in a while to be posting in this thread. Personally, I have no problems with condoms at all. I've never had one break or tear. Generally I use Kimono Microthins, which are very nice in terms of sensitivity. Also, I keep a lot of lube on hand (Astroglide). To be honest, right now I would enjoy sex LESS without a condom, because I would just be to worried. The peace of mind I get from using one far outweighs any inconvenience (which is not much anyway).

--fixed the typo, thanks Kitten --
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"A wise monkey never monkeys with another monkey's monkey"
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"Recycle, stay in school, and fight the power" ~ SSX
----
"We're all here cuz we're not all there"

[This message has been edited by TheCagedOne (edited 08-19-2002).]


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KittenGoddess
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quote:
Originally posted by TheCagedOne:
To be honest, right now I would enjoy sex LESS with a condom, because I would just be to worried. The peace of mind I get from using one far outweighs any inconvenience (which is not much anyway).

with = without

And I couldn't agree more...I'd enjoy it much less without the condom cause I'd be stressing over getting pregnant or sick.

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KittenGoddess
Scarleteen Advocate (and Labia Lady)

"The whole world is full of morons...they just congregate on the internet cause it's easy for them to push the buttons."

[This message has been edited by KittenGoddess (edited 08-18-2002).]


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