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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Can you work out you orientation without having dated first

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Author Topic: Can you work out you orientation without having dated first
Member # 91943

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Okay then I'm pretty sure that I'm gay but I've had a relationship with anyone of any gender. I haven't even had my first kiss yet. Can I still work this out despite that?
Posts: 12 | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 91788

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Hi, WhiteFox! You don't necessarily have to have dated before you work out your sexual identity. How you choose to identify is completely up to you. In fact, you are the only one who knows how best to describe your orientation. Who you are attracted to does not change depending on whether or not you decide to date them. Does that make sense?

"Sneak away, sneak away / If the fate is too sad / You are not a flower of hell / That kind of place... / Don't become lost, don't become lost... / Or you won't be able to grasp the entangled hand / The cry also has a limit...." - Naraku no Hana

Posts: 537 | From: Toronto, Canada | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 41657

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One way to think of it might be: If you thought you were straight, would you feel like you had to date someone to confirm that? In my experience, people tend to say this to reinforce heterosexuality as a norm, because you see lots of straight people saying it who clearly didn't apply that reasoning when determining their own orientation.

Also, as Sans said, you can be attracted to/aroused by people without dating them. Also, particularly if you're still in your teens (though it can apply at any age, there is no age when everyone is ready for sex), you may find that even if you are very attracted to someone, a sexual relationship may not be a positive experience as you may not feel ready for one.

Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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