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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Why Do We Have To Come Out?

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Author Topic: Why Do We Have To Come Out?
jap
Neophyte
Member # 45317

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Hello!
A little background. Officially, I am straight, but unofficially, I am bisexual (prefer women) and have known since I was fourteen. Recently, I went out with a wonderful girl, but she broke it off because she is transitioning from being in the closet regarding her sexuality to being public and did not think it was healthy for her to be with someone who "actively" hides their sexual orientation. I completely understand her point of view about not wanting to be a secret, which she was not exactly, and after she broke it off, I realized what a selfish, narcissistic person I had been towards her. Also, I realized that I would have risked coming out of the closet if we could have continued our relationship. Anyway, this has led me to wonder, why should we have to be public about our sexual orientation. To clarify, why does it have to be such a big deal? Why can we not just date who we want to and not answer the question? Why can I not just date a girl without coming out officially, why does it have to be questioned so and be such a big production? Why can't people just be happy and date who they desire? I would rather date a girl and not keep it a secret, but also not answer questions about my sexual orientation because that is private and does not concern anyone else.
Best Regards,
JAP

[ 06-26-2012, 11:09 PM: Message edited by: jap ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, I don't think we do have to come out.

But I'm not sure here if the issue is about you not being out in terms of your orientation, or about having to keep this relationship a secret.

In other words, it's one thing not to be out, it's another to be with someone and have them unable to have the relationship they're having with you recognized as a relationship -- especially if it's important to them -- or for they, themselves, to have to be and feel like a secret.

Mind, you can certainly date someone of the same sex/a similar or same gender without saying what your orientation is, you just have to be okay with people assuming you aren't heterosexual, and probably saying "My orientation is my business" a lot when asked questions. So, you don't have to answer that question, but just like it's often going to be assumed when people date opposite-sex they're straight whether they answer the question or not, you'd likely be presumed to be queer if you're publicly dating women.

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jap
Neophyte
Member # 45317

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Hello!

Okay. Thank you very much.


Best Regards,
JAP

Posts: 16 | From: Earth | Registered: Jan 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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