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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sexual Identity » Coming out...sort of

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Author Topic: Coming out...sort of
Ohana626
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Member # 56775

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So I've been identifying as bisexual only for a short time now...about four months, and in that span of time I've told some friends and my mom. I have no plans to tell my dad anytime soon, and while my mom didn't react horribly, she pretty much assumes it's a phase. And I'm letting her think that because 1) it's easier than trying to argue with her and 2) I'm aware that my sexuality is more fluid than I originally thought, so having feelings for girls and boys might be a phase (where the phase would end and I would be "straight" again).

Anyway, the point is because of this idea that my sexuality might change...actually I have a question on that. I know at this time in my life I'm attracted to both girls and boys. I'm aware that it might be a phase, especially because this is such a new thing for me, this liking girls, however strong it may feel right now. But because it's so new that even though the feelings are strong and real, I feel like it is just a phase...it makes me kind of sad to think that, because I like liking guys and girls, and that makes me feel like I'm bisexual because I want to, not because I am...my point is, is it okay for me to identify as bisexual now even if I believe I could change back later?

My other question pertains to the subject title, sorry for getting off track! It's a matter of coming out. Obviously from the above paragraph, I feel confident in my feelings now, but I don't know if they'll always be like this. So I don't want to come out to...ya know, everyone, in the traditional "Coming out" sense. But I want to tell all my friends at one point or another. I'm not positive why if I'm feeling like it could be a phase, mainly because I want people to know about me...that's just part of who I am. But is it okay to just come out to certain people, even if it is a lot of people? Like if I met someone new I wouldn't be out and share my sexuality, but I want my friends to know...I don't want my family to know though. It's weird, my mom and sister yes, but everyone else...not unless they need to, as in I have a girlfriend at some point.

I guess I'm just curious as to other's opinions on this. I know that coming out happens in all different ways, but sometimes I feel bad, like I'm not a "team player" to the bisexuals because I kind of believe it might change (which makes me feel sad actually)....sorry if this doesn't make too much sense! But thanks for reading anyway [Smile]

Posts: 187 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
WesLuck
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There's so much pressure to be heterosexual (even though we have virtually no control over whether we are or not, not that it should be considered the "only" orientation anyway) I'm not surprised that it is hard to accept on certain levels, even for oneself. But take it as comes (no pun intended [Wink] ). I think it's fine to only tell certain people, but I'm sure some people on the boards who identify as bi/pansexual will be able to give a more context-specific assessment (read: I'm not bisexual, so I only know it on a theoretical level, but I do know what it's like to be a person and have changing wants and needs over time, and in many ways, sex is no different [Wink] ).
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LizC
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I currently identify as bisexual, even though I think it's likely that at some point I could re-identify myself. You can still change, and it's not always even that, sometimes it's a change in how you perceive yourself and others around you. When I was dealing with my own sexuality, everyone I met counseled me to do and call myself what felt right at that time, and worry about the future later. So I'd say, in my opinion, there is nothing wrong with identifying yourself as bisexual now, even if you think you might alter that label later. I mean, you previously were labeled as heterosexual, but either that changed or you became more aware of a burgeoning interest in members of the same sex. So it may happen again. But the fact that you currently label yourself as bisexual doesn't take away from the fact that you called yourself heterosexual before, and the same concept applies later down the road if you go from bisexual to something else.

As for coming out, only two people in my life know, and we haven't really discussed it in any way. But I understand where you're coming from. It's new and doesn't fit quite like you're used to, and it's hard to know who to tell. I too want to tell my friends at some point, but I don't know how to bring it up, and I honestly don't think it's anyone's business unless I tell them. I'm not so much worried about one day re-identifying(as I said above, I'm going to cross that bridge when I come to it), but I do know I want to be more confident and more assured before I tell more people.

That's just my two cents. [Smile]

[ 06-26-2012, 10:44 AM: Message edited by: LizC ]

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Ohana626
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Hey guys, thanks for replying, and yeah I think about this on and off and keep coming to the same conclusion that I'm okay with identifying as bisexual now because it feels right, but also that if that changes sometime in the future that's okay too. I know I'm not lying now because it feels very real to me. Thanks for your opinions! [Smile]
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LizC
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Yay! I'm glad you feel better and more confident with yourself. [Smile]
Posts: 37 | From: Texas | Registered: Jun 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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